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5 Reasons Why Sex Doesn’t Feel Good & Strategies to Make Things Better

by Kate Miller

The orgasm gap is far from a myth, unfortunately. For many women, penetrative sex with a heterosexual partner can be unpleasant, uncomfortable, or even altogether undesirable.

Research on the topic paints a shocking picture. A recent study suggests that approximately 40 percent of women find it difficult to orgasm during sex with a partner – a number that’s much higher than what prior studies discovered about the topic. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, 43 percent of women deal with some kind of sexual dysfunction. In comparison, the same applies to 31 percent of men.


So, why doesn’t sex feel good? Is something wrong with you? Are you sharing your bed with the wrong person? Or maybe there’s a deeper, more intricate reason?


PAIN AND DISCOMFORT

Not being properly aroused, having some psychological hang-ups, or a partner who doesn’t put in the foreplay work can all impact your comfort level as far as penetration is concerned. Pain during penetrative sex is one of the main reasons why so many ladies feel hesitant about it.


Experiencing pain during sex can sometimes be indicative of a problem – pelvic inflammatory disease, STIs, endometriosis, and pelvic floor dysfunction. Fluctuating hormone levels can also be to blame, especially during pregnancy and menopause. Feeling anxious and not being properly aroused, however, can also lead to painful sex.


Seeing a doctor and having a talk with your partner are both essential to address the issue. Diversifying your foreplay routine is also a good idea. Make sure your partner knows what turns you on. Try some sex toys. A clit stimulator or a black-colored dildo from AdultSexToys can help get you in the mood for sex. Using a dildo for self-penetration is another good idea before you get down to business with a partner.


PSYCHOLOGICAL BLOCKS

Your body isn’t the only one that responds to sex positively or negatively. The way your mind responds is even more important. If you’re dealing with some kind of psychological block, you’ll find it impossible to enjoy yourself. Previous trauma, not trusting your partner, body image issues, and even performance anxiety can impact the way you feel during sex.


Some people can have amazing sex without being fully connected to their partner – casual relationships work great for them. For others, that would be impossible. If you’re one of the people who need to build deep trust and intimacy first, you’ll probably feel uncomfortable during sex at first.


Consider the blocks you may have from the past or the ones that have resulted from the relationship dynamics you’re experiencing right now. Let your partner know about these limitations. Together, you can come up with an action plan. If necessary, consider couples or sexual therapy. Working with a professional can lead to immense improvement on all fronts.


NOT KNOWING YOUR BODY WELL

Not knowing what feels good during sex can be a real problem. You’ll be incapable of communicating your wants and needs and as a result, every experience will end up being a major disappointment.


Self-discovery and sexual confidence are the keys to earth-shattering orgasms during partnered sex. So, start doing some self-exploration right now. Sex toys will once again come in handy. Play with various erogenous zones and try different kinds of stimulation. Gathering all of this important information on your own will allow you to communicate more effectively with your partner during sex.


Even if you feel awkward talking about the things you enjoy (which you shouldn’t!), you will still find it easy to show your partner how you want to be touched or kissed. That kind of information is bound to make sex better while also deepening intimacy.

Related articles: Benefits of Sex Toys...


SEXUAL STIGMA AND SHAME

Some of us haven’t been lucky enough to grow up in liberal households. One's upbringing can ruin good sex altogether. Growing up feeling that sex is shameful or sinful will have a profound impact on your experiences later on in life.


In some instances, a person’s distinctive sexual wants may be stigmatized. That’s especially true for women who are into kinkier experiences. Receiving negative feedback from a partner about your desires can easily ruin your sexual future with someone else.


Take some time to analyze your upbringing and the beliefs about sex that have been instilled in you. If you find yourself incapable of overcoming these obstacles, do consider therapy. A traumatic and super strict upbringing can be impossible to overcome on your own. A therapist will give you the tools and coping techniques required to gradually and effectively change your mindset.


COULD SOMETHING BE WRONG WITH YOUR BODY?

So many women have had an instance of being labeled frigid by a guy who simply can’t satisfy them. Having this happen to you will make you question your own sexuality and the way your body works. Is it possible for something to be very wrong with your body, keeping you from enjoying sex? In most instances, the answer is no. Vaginismus affects a small percentage of women, and the same applies to vulvodynia – two conditions that can cause painful sex.


Most of the time, you’ll be dealing with one of the issues mentioned above. To be on the safe side, however, you may want to see a doctor and make sure that everything’s functioning the way it should be. Don’t wait for sex to magically improve, especially if it sucks right now. Taking things into your own hands, being proactive, and communicating with your partner will all be prerequisites for noticeable improvements. So, don’t put up with mediocre sex anymore. The sooner you take action, the sooner you’ll discover the magic of exceptional, pleasurable fucking.

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