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Best Ghosting Responses

by Danielle Wright

Today is a good day to talk about ghosting. What is it? Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. It happens to the best of us, but we find that this happens more commonly among those who we meet via dating apps.


I cannot even begin to tell you how many conversations I’ve had that started well on Hinge and then, boom, I am left on read. Why does this happen? We cannot specifically tell you why someone considered ghosting you, but some reasons can be to avoid confrontation, awkwardness, discomfort, and hurt feelings.


While it is not the best way to end things, there is something to be said about the individual who engages in such behavior – are they bad people? No. But are they somewhat cowardly? Yes. Whether or not you’re no longer interested in someone it is never prudent to leave them hanging in the balance. Saying something like, “It was nice meeting you, but I think it’s best we stop seeing one another.


Please take care.” Is far better than ghosting. One of the main reasons for ghosting simply has to do with one person feeling or thinking the relationship was not that important to warrant a formal goodbye. If you’ve only been on one date, have only spoken for a few days, or never left the app chatroom and exchanged numbers…

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This is understandable, but we have to stop looking at situations and think of people. The person is important enough to warrant a formal goodbye, not the situation itself. While the relationship may not have had a chance to flourish, the other person is a human being with feelings and that person deserves to be told that you’ve decided to move on. Now, if you’re the one who’s been ghosted, here are some do’s and don’ts.


DON’T BE THEIR SECOND CHOICE:

While it may not be the main reason, one of the reasons someone may ghost you versus formally breaking things off is that they’ve met someone else who caught their attention. In instances like this, this person may look to return in the future. Do not give them the chance. You are nobody’s second option.


If it has been more than a few days (2-3 weeks) then it’s okay to politely let them know: “I’m not interested in being involved with someone that is leading me on.” Or “Please do not call me ever again.” And my personal favorite, I’ve used this once or twice, “I’ve gotten into a committed relationship since we last talked.”


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DISAPPEAR:

Ghosting them back is not technically ghosting, in this case, you’re choosing not to be needy and you’re taking the high road. This shows the person that you’re not some girl or guy who sits around waiting for anyone. You have a life, you’re important and you have options. If he/she has left you on read for months, don’t write them at all, and when they return (most of them always do) simply ignore their message.


But if you feel you cannot do that, here are some additional responses: “Everyone has a lot going on. It doesn’t take a lot of time to tell someone that. I hope you’ve been well.” And “Well, this ship has sailed. It was nice speaking to you. I wish you all the best.” Lastly, “Glad to see you’re alive and well. Take care.”


If you’re going to use your energy for anything it should be for your benefit. Not playing private investigator and not spying on their social media accounts to see if they’re on Instagram and ignoring you.


No, he/she is not in the hospital just fighting for their life. They are off enjoying their lives and utilizing their time elsewhere. I was ghosted once and when I wrote the person to follow up, they let me know they were, “…busy with work.” One of the oldest excuses in the book.


You should spend time focusing on your circle of influence – things within your control:

  • Your attitude

  • Your sleep

  • Your behavior

  • Your health

  • Who you surround yourself with

  • What you read/watch

  • What you buy

  • Your success

You are in charge of yourself, and another person’s actions dictate how they view themselves, so this is by no means a reflection of you. If you find yourself in a position where you want to speak up, especially if you were intimate with this person there are ways this can be done.


“I get that things are over between us, but a simple text or call letting me know would have been polite. It’s basic manners. Best of luck with everything.” And “I don’t care about hearing from you again but since you didn’t have the guts to say anything, I will. It’s over. Please do not contact me again.”


The main point to take from this is that this person does not seem to care nor are they prioritizing you and your feelings. They do not want a relationship with you and therefore are under no obligation to continue communication. Emotional maturity is what matters and of course, self-love. Taking the time to remind yourself that you deserve better will work wonders. You should not want to be with someone who does not treat you well. It takes less than 2 seconds to write and send a text.


The best response for someone who has ghosted you is always going to be the one that maintains your dignity. You do not need answers on why they ghosted, nor do you need to bombard them with texts to vent your frustrations. It is one thing to vent to someone who cares and will make an attempt to understand you and something completely different to a person who will most likely laugh at you or share your private messages with others in an attempt to devalue you.


Keep your head high and move on smiling.


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