by Grace Tesoro
What makes a dream woman, indeed a dream woman for a suitable man? Is it her hair? Her ability to cook or the constant love and affection that she gives to him? The way she is always impeccably dressed in the latest trends, or could it be her great sense of humor? Well it is a no brainer that all of these qualities are great to have in a girlfriend; but is that truly enough? You may think you understand your man’s wants and needs; but do you really? Let’s face it—these days, men are looking for so much more than just Suzy Homemaker mixed with a Calvin Klein model.
Yeah, men have eyes; but they also have hearts too.
There may be enough articles pertaining to a women’s’ needs in a relationship to fill the entire Harry Potter series a couple times through; but what exactly do men need from us.
What Men Look for in a Relationship:
In an article for online site LovetoKnow titled, “Most Desirable Qualities Men Look for in Women”, author and counselor Marcelina Hardy interviewed relationship expert Steve Nakamoto for his insight. Nakamoto simplified the five most-desired traits that men want their women to be for them in a relationship. “In the grand scheme of things, a man wants these five things, says Nakamoto: She needs to be his, hottie, sweetie, person, pal, and prize”, Hardy wrote.
Now I know what you might be thinking---well duh!!!
But this is just simplification; when we dive into what Nakamoto means by ‘hottie’, a man wants a woman who takes care of herself; in the sense that she knows how to put her best foot forward such as dressing well, keeping in shape, and perhaps adding a more feminine touch to your wardrobe.
Nakamoto also outlines the aspect of being a ‘sweetie’; a man desires a woman he can be vulnerable with, let his walls down, and knows he is safe in her presence. 2020 has been big on exposing toxic masculinity and what it truly means in today’s society.
Tragically, toxic masculinity has sunk its claws deep into the psyche of young men, being told from a young age to ‘man up’ and being ‘vulnerable’ was a characteristic synonymous with being ‘weak’ or ‘not a real man’. This type of language is not only damaging to our men; it can be damaging for who they have relationships with such as family members, friends, and even partners. So, the true meaning behind ‘sweetie’ is a woman who he can trust and be himself around.
Now your eyebrows may have knitted together when the mention of ‘person’ came from Nakamoto’s expert opinion.
This translation actually means that men don’t want to be the great stabilizers in their partners’ lives. Men want women who are able to stand on their own two feet and can be independent. Guys don’t find neediness as an attractive quality in women; they want a woman who has a strong sense of self and can hold her own.
This saying is as old as time but it applies: you need to be in charge of your own happiness. It is not the responsibility of your partner to make that happen for you. Not only do men desire their women to be independent, they also desire their women to be financially sound. In a study that has been conducted since 1939 by the University of Iowa, men ranked ‘financially sound’ as one of the more desirable qualities they looked for in a woman. ‘Pal’, the word itself is a pretty big indicator of another quality that men need in women, camaraderie! Not only do men want someone they can have candlelit dinners with at a cozy Italian restaurant; they want someone they can chill with on a Saturday morning watching the latest sports shows or sitcoms while not changing out of their pajamas.
Men not only need a healthy relationship with their women but they also need to have the aspect of friendship wrapped in. Whether you’re a serial dater or you’re just wading into the newfound waters of a budding relationship; it is always good to have someone that understands you for you and can be your friend first before anything more serious. So, you may think you have a pretty solid idea on how to be your man’s ideal dream girl thus far, but there is more to that than what meets the eye. One of the most skewed stereotypes of men is that they only care for women who have the looks and a body. Although men are very visual creatures by nature; it is unfair to make this generalization about them.
A study done by the University of Iowa also demonstrated that ‘intelligence’ was another key trait that men desired for their partner. For Christie Hartman, Ph.D. and relationship expert, intelligence is a vital factor that needs to be considered in a relationship.
Hartman even writes on her own website on the importance of finding your ‘intellectual equal’. “In dating, I think it’s more important to be compatible with your level of intellectualism than with IQ itself,” Hartman describes.
All science aside, men just need you to be there for them. It’s that simple; this is how you can make a man happy. Be there for him when his granddad dies, when he gets promoted, or just to simply spend a lazy day.
Just like women want that built-in support system when they are in a relationship, so do men!
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