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How to be Friends With Someone You're in Love With

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We all have our unique desires in life—from our careers to our relationships, we know what we want and where we want to be. More often than not, that includes someone we can love and share our life with. But what do you do when the girl/guy you love doesn’t feel the same? How do you maintain your friendship without breaking your own heart? It’s no easy feat, but it is possible to distance yourself romantically while cherishing the bond you have as friends.

BE UPFRONT AND HONEST.

“Genuine friendships are rooted in honesty,” says dating coach Kevin Darné. “The first step in being a genuine friend to anyone is to be trustworthy.” As uncomfortable as it may be to speak openly about the way you feel towards him/her, you don’t want a friendship that is built on secrecy—and your person doesn’t deserve that, either.


You can’t control how they will react to your open honesty, but it’s the best shot you have at creating a fulfilling friendship where both of you are on the same page. “If you are unwilling to inform a person regarding your feelings you are practicing deception and not being a true friend,” says Darné.



ACCEPT THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION.

Maintaining a friendship with someone you love hurts—especially at first. But that’s a life lesson to be learned. We can’t always have the things we want, and that’s a tough reality to handle. But the sooner you can accept the situation and stop trying to change it, the sooner you will find peace and liberation.


“I guess it comes down to sometimes having to accept your lot in life. You can't have everything you want. And even if you want more, true friends are a dime a dozen,” says R. M. S. Thornton. So, yes, it does suck that you don’t have the romantic bond with this person that you wish you did. But instead of spending your days in a miserable state of self-pity, consider taking a step back to acknowledge how lucky you are to have such a good friend.


PRIORITIZE YOURSELF.

The reality is that this individual doesn’t feel romantic feelings towards you in the way you feel towards him/her. Whether or not circumstances change in the future is something only time will tell. But right now, you deserve to prioritize yourself. Finally, relax, go on a solo trip, rent a car with Rental24h.com, find the best hotel and enjoy your time alone with yourself. Do this instead of spending your time wishing you could develop something more than a friendship, think about what you deserve.


True love isn’t unrequited, and when the right person comes along, you won’t have to chase him/her or prove you’re worthy of being loved. So, maybe one day it will be them—or maybe, it won’t. But for now, you owe it to yourself to accept the circumstances and keep loving yourself first. It will make you that much better of a friend towards them anyway.

 
 

All of the uncomfortable, negative emotions you may be feeling are completely valid. But it’s important to allow yourself to feel them completely and then keep moving forward. When you get stuck in your feelings you are keeping yourself caged in self-pity and are unable to be the friend that this person deserves.


The longer you stay trapped in these negative feelings, the more likely you are to miss out on someone truly right for you. If you have any desire to have a genuine friendship with the one you love, you must be able to release your sadness and frustration and look towards the future.

10 commentaires


Steven Turner
Steven Turner
17 mai 2022

I became friends with my ex now I want more but she dose not she is my best friend and will ring me everyday to talk or meet up or I will her . I need to get distance to get over her again but I just can’t stop seeing her . She is hoping that my feeling for her will just go . I find my self being needy around her and a bit pathetic . I dont k is what to do

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Ad Vantage
Ad Vantage
28 juil. 2022
En réponse à

Honestly, you know what to do. I've done this before, and I'm going through it myself right now again. You have to give distance. And move on. Learn to love yourself fully. You can find a new best friend and lover, one who wants you the way you want them. It tough for me right now because my ex is also in my friend group, so where i would go to get away from the sadness of not having romantic access to her anymore, she is also already there. I really have fewer places to go to escape the torment.

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c.1997
c.1997
07 mai 2022

Omg. sigh

So i became friends with this guy in a really weird way. Before one of my guy friends introduced me to him, i didn't even know he existed 🙄 Then he became my trainer and we started hanging out more. I got so overwhelmed with all my different emotions and scared.. I wanted to tell him how i feel soooo bad. I thought he might have similar feelings.

One day i invited him to my house, decided i needed to tell him to free myself. I had been tossing and turning!!

i told him and my feelings weren't reciprocated.

I sometimes feel like i wasn't pretty enough, or because i wasn't well-known


Years later i still feel like…


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Judi Mckenzie
Judi Mckenzie
07 mai 2022
En réponse à

I think its a good thing that you said something instead of leaving those feelings bottled up

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Judi Mckenzie
Judi Mckenzie
06 mai 2022

I'm in a similar situation. I am a woman and we are both 40. I have cared about this man for 10 years. We had started off as friends. He was Married when me met and just a friendship had developed, that eventually turned into strong feels for each other. But we never acted on it as he was married. But we kept in touch. Now he is divorced and I'm newly single but he is still healing after his bad breakup. I let him know that I still have feelings for him but he told me that he is not ready for a relationship. Which I respect but my heart is broken. As I feel like we are almos…

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In my case, I love someone older. I'm a 42 yr old male and she's 59. I get along with her so well it's downright scary. We share so many similar interests and are very good friends. I do go on dates with other woman but they are pointless because it's not her. I know I shouldn't compare, but after 24 years of dating/relationships I know what I want and she is it. I've sincerely expressed my feelings to her and I've heard her views. Some are self preservation from pain and I can understand that, but I try my best to assure her that I won't hurt her. I want to be friends but the inevitable scenerio of her…

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En réponse à

I am in a similar situation, though I am 24 and she is 35. She recently told me that our romantic endeavors have passed and it's time to move on. She's right... But it is so hard to accept that. Feelings of love or infatuation can torture you if you linger on them, and I am struggling to move on just the same as I'm sure you are. I don't have the answer, but I assure you that you are not alone.

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cimter gnome
cimter gnome
25 oct. 2021

It hurts like fuck, but at least you still have them in your life, just not romantically, I have just parted ways with someone I loved due to age and her not being ready for a relationship we both love and care about each other, and it has been very rocky and we have went round in vicious circles trying to get it to work, but we are not at the same age I am a lot older than her (I am 52 and she is 23), and she has been hurt in the past through relationships so she doesn't want to commit to one, where me being 52 I need commitment, so we are slowly realising we would be…

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