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Oh, Lords! Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What We Learned

Dating Stories Book Review by Sharon Sharpe

by Jes Averhart & Terresa Zimmerman


I’m a sucker for dating stories, and I’ve been loving this trend of women speaking freely about their experiences—good or bad there is always a takeaway. Oh, Lords! Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What We Learned immediately state its purpose in the title—what do we learn from the people we date? Entrepreneurs, Jess and Terresa do an exemplary job of holding their reader's attention, taking us from their past to the present through the invention of the “Lords”.


“These guys will feel familiar to you. You’ve dated them. Broken up with them. Married them. In all of those cases, they left an indelible impression-for better or for worse." The men they were attracted to in high school vastly differs from the men they date today or ended up marrying. It is not only entertaining but highly relatable and will have you ready to share your dating story right along with them.


The book opens with an informative preface to give its readers an inside look at The Dating Landscape. Twelve stages of dating your average romance self-help book will divulge to you as a guide to follow. It presents the American dream wrapped in a satin bow with the lover you’ve imagined since the tender age of fourteen.


Well, thank goodness this is not a romance self-help book. Its honest remarks on the stages of dating are what makes it engaging, “If you’re like us, you related to all these stages, but it’s not as neat as that. Sequential order is great. The stages are great. But not all of us want to go through all of them—and not sequentially. We want to spend a lot of time on some of them. We’re quite happy to skip a few of them. Random order may even be fun!”


First, the Stages:

Stage 1: Going into The First Date

Stage 2: After the First Date

Stage 3: The First Kiss

Stage 4: The First Time You Have Sex

Stage 5: Having Sex More Often

Stage 6: Dating Casually

Stage 7: Fizzling Out

Stage 8: Opening Up to Each Other

Stage 9: Hanging Out With Each Other’s Friends

Stage 10: Saying, “I Love You”

Stage 11: Becoming Exclusive

Stage 12: Slapping A Label on It

Then, the “Lords” …

The book details eight Lords—some presented with an adjective to accompany them, others, a phrase or adage.


Lord Journeyman – Easy and Conventional

Lord Contradiction – Says One thing, Goes After Another

Lord FOMO – Grass is Always Greener

Lord Layaway – Playa, Playa

Lord Self-Absorbed – Me, Myself and I

Lord At-Your-Peril – Abusive. Bad News Bear

Lord Good Guy, Not My Guy – Self-Explanatory

Lord My Guy – The One

Each chapter takes us inside the life of a Lord and the experiences faced by both Jess and Terresa. This approach is excellent and intentional, and we can see it is maintained from the very beginning as the women introduce themselves.


Neither of these boss ladies shy away from their truth, no matter how embarrassing or ill-equipped they were in handling their emotions when involved with a specific type of Lord. Here we find Jess and Terresa elaborate on their experiences to share an important lesson that each Lord taught them. Helping them to grow and evolve. I find this to be quite appealing because there is no stone left unturned. No hidden truths to discover and most importantly, no shame thrown on the readers to feel guilt if they, too can relate to such an experience.


It is seldom that self-help books are so raw, yet approachable. In comparison to others on the market who condemn women for choices made when they find themselves in love or in hope and no positive outcome. Oh, Lords! Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What We Learned is showing accountability synonymous with education.

“Lessons learned from Lord Self-Absorbed…cultivating a deep or quality relationship or friendship is hard work. If you’re looking for a deep, personal partner, this is not your Lord. This Lord is not a giver or someone who can truly share. The world is about Lord self-absorbed. This Lord sees only one perspective, and that colors everything.”


Immediately, some of us can relate. I for one, while reading kept bellowing to myself, “Yes, I dated a guy just like this!” Jess and Terresa accomplished something profound with this book, the ability to teach their readers how to evolve from one relationship to the next without a feeling of condemnation. It felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders, that I could associate my dating patterns with women like Jess and Terresa.



We are not weak or docile, we are evolving and learning. We are smart, creative, independent, and prudent, but we fall in love, we learn, we uplift one another, and we start over, taking with us new knowledge from our past.


Oh, Lords! Who We Date, Why We Date Them, and What We Learned is a woman's best friend. Open your mind to a new perspective on dating, don't feel pressured by societal norms and find the Lord that is right for you!


Available for purchase at Indiebound.org

 

Sharon Sharpe-Gambu is an Editorial Assistant, book reviewer and professor living in The Bronx, New York. Follow for more of Sharon's Reviews

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