Updated: May 2
Some breakups are messier than others. Some exes never speak to you again, some never leave you alone, and some become your new best friend. But how do you know if your ex is doing alright since the breakup? Normally they are pretty obvious, they tell you how much they miss you; they talk about how great your relationship was, they tell all their friends about you, or in my case, they go on whiskey benders for a couple of weeks.
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Let’s talk about the signs your ex isn’t doing well since you ended it and how you can help.
No breakup is easy and if it was a committed relationship, life can feel pretty dismal for either or both parties. If your ex is still texting you about how much they miss you, you can safely bet they aren’t doing well now that you aren’t together. There are a few ways to handle this; you can get back together but if you broke up in the first place, you should give this option a lot of thought. You can ignore his texts but you should know how stable your ex is when you choose this option, or you can talk about it.
A lot of times your ex just needs some closure. It’s important to address them and talk about why you are staying apart and why things didn’t work. There is no shame or fault in having a conversation about your relationship. This helps both of you in the long run, it allows you to get things off your chest that you might not have been able to tell them while you were together. It also helps them learn to process the information they might not want to talk about or hear.
The second sign is they tell everyone how great your relationship was. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. First, this means they will compare their new partners to you which is unfair to the new partner and dangerous for you. I had an ex that dated everyone they talked to after we broke up and compared her to me. None of those relationships lasted, because he wasn’t dating them for who they were. Now you have an unrealistic standard set upon you by your ex. You have to nip this in the bud. No one deserves to be compared and no one deserves to be placed on an unrealistic pedestal. Again, your ex probably needs some closure so either suck it up and chat with them or tell them everything that went wrong and you want nothing to do with them.
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Misery manifests in so many different ways, so your ex will do a variety of these signs if they are miserable after your break-up. The scary ones are the whiskey bender exes. Don’t get me wrong, my ex is one of my best friends now but after we broke up, he was destructive, to say the least. If your ex is the destructive kind, their misery is pretty obvious. However, unlike the other signs, you can’t get involved. This gives your ex false hope and places you in a potentially dangerous situation. So, talk to their friends. Tell them what you see and let them take care of him.
It’s tough, especially because at some point you did care for that person. In many cases, you will be the only person that can see your ex is miserable and misses you. You can either get involved or you can stay far away from it. The choice is ultimately yours, but know that their misery, in whatever form, is not your fault alone. Therefore, it is not your responsibility to fix it.
Enjoy being single and your ex will learn to do the same.
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