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Situationship vs Relationship: Your Complete Guide to Stop Getting Played

Why do guys like situationships? by Danielle Wright

Long gone are the days of first come marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. The new generation seems to be taking a pragmatic approach to dating—situationships. In essence, this means the non-prioritization of committed romantic relationships. But why has this become so popular?

According to Relationship Therapist and Life Coach, Chris Tompkins, “In situationships, one person often enters into the arrangement hoping for more. While this does sometimes happen, the majority of the time that person is left disappointed, especially if they have invested a lot. Healthy boundaries will help them to avoid this.”

A situationship will oftentimes consist of casual sex, intimacy and companionship—whatever it is—but this does not necessarily have a long-term horizon. Most men and [some] women prefer this as a way to escape accountability for any wrongdoings aka, “We are not in a relationship so why do you care if I slept with someone else or am dating/talking to someone else?” There is a worldwide interest in situationships, across ethnicities, gender, and sexual orientations.

When men are in situationships they don’t have to think about flowers on Valentine’s Day, or Mother’s Day, let alone Birthday gifts or Christmas presents. It is a simple exchange of services. Most women are encouraged to stay away from this type of relationship because it can lead to heartbreak. If you want a man to see you daily and be attentive to your wants and needs, then you should avoid a situationship and seek out a relationship.

Joseph Puglisi, CEO of Dating Iconic says, “Sometimes it is difficult to know when a man is ready for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. But here are some signs,

  • HE ISN’T AFRAID TO MAKE PLANS FOR THE FUTURE WITH YOU IN IT: when a man wants not just a relationship with you but also marriage, he puts you in his plan for the future.

  • YOU ARE A MAJOR FACTOR IN HIS DECISION-MAKING: when he has the plan to spend the rest of his life with you, he brings you in when making any decision.

  • YOU MET HIS FAMILY: if a man wants you in his life forever, he would make sure everyone around him knows about you, his family are not exempt.

  • HE IS CONSISTENT: he becomes consistent with loving you, caring for you, encouraging you, helping you, and also making sacrifices for you because he knows that he would end up with you.

  • HE SUPPORTS YOU THROUGH DIFFERENT SITUATIONS: if he truly wants to get married to you, he wouldn’t leave no matter how the situation may be.”

However, if you’re in a situationship, according to Michelle Shivers, here are some common signs:

  • The relationship is undefined

  • You don't talk about your future together

  • You are not planning the future together

  • The other person is unwilling to commit

  • There is no consistency or planning

  • The other person is not integrated into your life, and vice versa

  • The relationship is not very public

  • The other person is seeing other people

  • The time you spend together seems to occur out of convenience

  • The other person is not investing in the relationship

  • The relationship is not progressing

  • You only meet for sex

  • You only make last-minute or short-term plans

  • You are not emotionally connected

I was in a situationship recently that left me completely shattered and has since changed my outlook on men. I could not have predicted that things would have ended that way since I made it specifically clear that I was dating to get into a relationship, but I made a mistake, I lowered some of my boundaries and he trampled right over me. You see, it’s not always easy to set healthy boundaries, but it’s crucial when dating that you do not lower your standards or compromise on what makes you feel happy and whole. If a man sees your value and is willing to pay the price, let him. Otherwise, allow him the space to walk away and you do the same.

Any form of confusion or hot and cold are just some signs that he is not interested. Most men know whether or not they will like you to be their girlfriend as early as 3-months into dating. One of the biggest misconceptions is that situationships are fun and relationships are not. The fun does not have to mean that he/she gets to keep their options open and have sex with everyone, but yes, there can be this added pressure and feeling of obligation once you do enter into a relationship. Our advice is don’t take things too seriously with your partner. Be open-minded, adventurous, charismatic and playful. Don’t let the fire go out in your relationship.

Jaida Pervis, CEO and Founder of Flirting With Forever adds, “Before you even get into a relationship, write down some realistic goals for yourself and the relationship you desire. If you’re not clear about what you want, you can’t translate that to your partner. Write it down and make it plain!” She also mentions, “Be open to the possibility of moving on. If the person can’t honor your needs and what you are looking for do not stay in a situation thinking the person will change their mind. More often than not, they won’t.”

When you accept a situationship you are lowering your value. It is the equivalent of accepting breadcrumbs. Small signs of affection here and there leave us feeling fulfilled, but as humans, that is not enough. We are built for connection and love. No one should accept anything less than a banquet where we can share a feast with someone who deserves our attention, loyalty and trust.


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