Having sex with an ex that you still love can be a lot of different things: normal, toxic, dangerous, fun, exciting, or damaging. Yet, at the end of it all, it is up to you to measure the worth of sex with an ex. There’s a lot you need to think about when it comes to your former relationship and whether or not it should continue in a physical sense. Was anyone hurt? Was it a disastrous ending? If your answer is yes, then you should not let the physical aspects of that relationship live on. Let the relationship die in peace, do not beat a dead horse.
The second thing you need to think about is whether or not you want to move on with your life. If you are sleeping with him because you don’t want to let go, then don’t sleep with him. I will tell you now, never go down that road. It never ends well. If you are sleeping with him because you have physical needs, and you don’t want to go through the hassle of finding another partner, then go for it.
You need to weigh the pros and cons of sleeping with an ex, especially if you still love them. This list will be a very personal thing that you will have to think hard about. I am going to offer you a generalized ‘one size fits all’ list, that anyone could reference.
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Pro #1: You can maintain a sex life. After a breakup, sometimes you just want a breather and that’s understandable. Why should you want to get tangled up with another man so quickly? We are all tempted to though, and that is because we all want to get laid. Sleeping with your ex keeps you from having to seek out another person and getting to know them. This way, you don’t have to waste your time or worry about it.
Pro #2: Your ex will probably know your sexual preferences. He is going to know how you like to get down in the sheets, and if he doesn’t, why are you even contemplating this? Sleeping with someone who is already familiar with your body, and vice versa is a lot easier than going out and finding someone new to start the process over with.
Pro #3: It could potentially help you get over them. This is rare but possible. Let yourself see him outside of the loving relationship setting. Realize what he’s like when he’s not in love with you, or at least when he is not trying to impress you. This could very well be enough to change your mind, to help you realize that he is not who you thought you loved.
Pro #4: It’s safer. Speaking in terms of physical health it is safer, you know where he has been. You know that he does not have an STD, and you know that he is not a serial killer. If you find a random guy on Tinder to hook up with, you cannot guarantee either of those things.
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Con #1: It could prolong your heartbreak. In seeking those physical wants, you could end up giving yourself exactly what you don’t need, false hope. It will all, once again, end in tears and misery because you got caught up in it all, and let yourself think he cares more than he does.
Con #2: You can get sucked back into the relationship. There’s a reason the relationship ended. Whatever that may be, you need to remind yourself of it. Do you want to risk both of you falling back into the relationship cycle just without the actual title?
Con #3: It will keep you from meeting new people and moving on. Moving on from a relationship usually involves meeting new people. If you are sleeping with your ex, you’re probably not going to care about going out with other people.
Con #4: It will severely p*ss off your friends. Your friends saw it all and helped you through it all. They are going to be pretty annoyed when they realize that all their consoling was for no reason because you’re in the sheets with enemy number one.
This whole list is circumstantial. As I said, it is only something you can make for yourself. You can ask a friend for guidance, or you can steal the ones I have listed if they apply. But at the end of the day, the things on this list need to be genuine and they need to come from you. Taking the time to make this list is important. Putting it all onto something physical so you can see it before you will help you truly measure out what is worth it and what isn’t. So, make your list.
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