Empowering African American Women: Breaking Free from the Burden of Changing or Building Men

by Anne Berkley

Can we stop placing the burden of changing a man or building a man of the shoulders of the African American woman? Sure we can, however can we somewhat look to agree that many African American women are subconsciously putting the burden on themselves? She’s SINGLE magazine looks to educate women on how to better function in relationships, but to do this we must first look to strip the African American woman of all she’s come to know of the typical relationship.

Men in the 21st century are not looking for a woman to take care of, he is looking for a woman to provide for—there is a big difference. Many African American men and women come from single family homes which maybe due to the fact that many men who women choose to procreate with are not equip to handle the relationships they’re in. Ladies, it is not your responsibility to fix, change or have children with these men. But we have to start taking accountability.

Today’s men have learned two things: (1) nice guys finish last and (2) women do not respond to what they say they want. When asked, “What are you looking for in a man?” the typical answer lists positive adjectives a woman wants in a man—an educated woman at that—yet this is not the type of man she responds to.

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The nice guy 9/10 will not get a reply to his texts or a good morning honey—men like that too. And so what is left? Men are being taught by women how to maneuver in this dating game so while we’re looking to blame them for their lack of character development, we should also be looking to blame ourselves for not responding to the quality men who may not fit the bill physically.

IT IS NOT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ANY WOMAN TO CHANGE OR FIX ANY MAN OR WAIT FOR HIM TO REACH HIS FULL POTENTIAL!

I hope that statement will resonate with many women, because while we want to believe this, many women fail to practice it and ultimately this is because it is taught that there is a shortage of black men in our community. Nonsense. Men want to be treated well: surprise dinners, text messages and a woman who take pride in herself.

A woman taking pride in her overall appearance should not solely be for the purpose of keeping a man happy, but rather, keeping herself happy. Put away this notion that women should be caretakers to manboys and learn to accept responsibility for simply choosing wrong.

Black women, it is important to have standards and boundaries for your relationships, stop compromising them. It is only natural for people to poke and push to see how far or how hard they must do so until you’re off the ledge. No poking and no pushing allowed! Standards are in place for a reason and while you want to ensure that you too meet the standards you look to impose on your significant other, you also want to make it easy for yourself to walk away. Independence…