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These Are the States Hindering and Aiding Your Search For Love: Why Am I Single?

by Kayla McCullough

Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels

Being a woman today comes with an assortment of challenges and difficulties. But being a single woman, now that's a whole different category – and it's enough to drive someone insane.

For a long time, I chose to be single on purpose, as do many other people. Some reasons that lead to someone wanting to be single can be anything from just getting out of a relationship to working on their authentic selves, or maybe it's just time to take a break from all the heartaches and ice cream dates. For me, it was all three. I was tumbling out of an emotionally draining relationship that ended in a catastrophic mess. I needed time to catch my breath before I dove deep into the dating pool once more.


However, others do not wish to be single – they want to be in a relationship but have difficulty finding someone to spend time with. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Zoosk come up empty-handed, and the question, "Why am I single?" floods the mind.

I want you to know that this is not an uncommon thing. Sure, factors from your personal life may be hindering your quest to find true love, but according to an article on SlotSource, there may be something entirely different going on. This article reports that it may be the area you live in that's causing the turmoil in your love life. The analysis that has been done to hold this theory credible state that Washington D.C. holds the crown for being the Capital of Love, while New Jersey takes last place. "Washington D.C. takes the top spot as the best place to date in the U.S., with the highest number of single households and searches for Bumble's dating app. New Jersey ranks as the worst area in the U.S. to date, with only 26% of people living alone, one of the lowest searches for dating apps, and the second most expensive states to date. It is probably best to stay away from this state if you're single and leave it to those who are settled down and married." For full details on the report, love indexes, and the list of U.S. states hindering and aiding your search for love, click here.

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If you find yourself falling into a well-ranked Love Capital and are still having issues with your dating life, then it's time to look within for your answers. Your life is the sum of your thoughts and the lenses in which you view the world. So, to change your life, you must dig deep into your subconscious and discover what's going on underneath the neat and tidy box you keep all your emotions in. Sounds scary, right? I agree; however, I don't think it's any more frightening than wanting to stay in the same, lonely world you have constructed.


I am not a professional counselor, a therapist, or a friend, but I have a voice, and I'm speaking to you strictly from life experience. Some of the reasons you might still be single are:

You are attracted to unhealthy people. Before finding my soulmate, this was me. I would always choose a partner who would make me feel like I was not good enough. Why did I do this? Somewhere in my life, more than likely in my childhood, where so many wounds occur and anchor into our subconscious, I was made to feel like I was not good enough. So, as time went on, that wound never properly healed. Every time I would choose to begin a relationship with someone, the relationship would end in complete chaos and devastation because I was unconsciously selecting a partner who would make me feel like I was never good enough. It resulted in me going above and beyond to make something work that was destined to fail.

When this happens, we might ask ourselves, "why does this keep happening to me?" or tell ourselves, "all the good ones are taken!" Why would we choose to put ourselves through that pattern of pain time and time again? We don't consciously choose to, it's unconscious, but it's comfortable because it is what we know. Until that wound is dug up and you sit down and study it, this pattern will always continue to prevail in your life.

Related articles: Rebuilding Confidence After a Breakup

You're living life wondering when "the one who got away" will come back. Until a few months ago, this was me. I would continuously playback my ex's memories and tell myself that "One day he will be back, but only if I do this… or live here…" I hate to burst your bubble, but there is no one who got away. And, after rediscovering myself, I can promise you that you are better off without them.

Our life plays out based on the choices that we make. As soon as I chose to start putting myself first, the Universe gave me the man who wanted to provide me with the world. Yes, I still have the temptation to run back to someone I left, but I know that if I do, I would be reverting to a lesser being - and I don't want that. Everyone we love is not supposed to become our forever's. Many people and relationships are only here to teach us lessons – some may be painful and awful, but all are beautiful in their unique way.



You may be insecure. No one likes to hear it, but it's true – we all have our insecurities. But those insecurities lead to pickiness, judgment, limiting beliefs, and commitment issues. My parents got divorced when I was young, and after, my father jumped from wife to wife. What did I learn from this? That packing my bags and lip-smacking on the next attractive guy was okay. After leaving the environment that was force-feeding me that lie, I realized that relationships weren't the Big Bad Wolf my father made them out to be.

Insecurity is genuinely an exhausting experience that will ruin your relationship with yourself and those around you. When it comes to insecurity in relationships, often, we will end up pushing the people who have the best intentions for us away.

You're not putting yourself out there. You're not talking to people. You're not smiling at them or making eye contact. If you're not approachable, you're not going to meet anyone. This can sometimes relate to being insecure. Once you take down your walls and truly start inviting people into your life, your singledom might fall away.

You haven't discovered who you are. Many times, this will take years to realize. But, if you're not authentic to yourself, God will keep throwing you situations where you fail, until you see what He wants you to learn. Find who you are.

While these are just a few reasons you may be single, almost all of them can be tied to one another. Commit time to understand why you behave the way you do – it might just be the first step to changing your path.


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