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What to do When Your Partner Doesn't Want to be Intimate?

by Kaila Coleman

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Being intimate with a partner can be the ultimate reward in a relationship. It can also be the source of a lot of contention. No one’s idea of intimacy is the same. In many relationships, one person will prioritize more than the other and if that person’s version of intimacy revolves around sex and the others don’t, it can become complicated.


I have had partners that want a ton of sex and others that found it more rewarding to spend time with each other. Many women have partners that aren’t super intimate and it can create unnecessary insecurities. I want to reiterate that if your partner doesn’t want to be intimate; there is nothing wrong with you. I know from experience that can be the first thought that pops into your head. You are a sexy, amazing woman, period!


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But let’s talk about why your partner might not want to be intimate with you. Just like with priorities, there are external factors that may be causing undue stress that you aren’t aware of. A lot of men, in particular, don’t feel they should burden their partners with nitty-gritty details about their stress.


Stress is such a huge problem for our bodies and our relationships. Before you blame yourself for his lack of sex drive, reassure him that if he needs to destress around you, he can. If your partner is a gamer, sit with them while they game, you don’t have to participate but you are allowing them a space to unwind with you around. The same goes for watching sports or venting.



Allow your partner to feel like they can tell you things that are bothering them without judgment. If they need advice, stay neutral, and help in whatever way you can. This allows both your relationships to grow into each other instead of separately. When you narrow any work, family, or friend gaps in your relationship and permit anxieties to be released intimacy grows. Soon there will be fewer stressors that prevent intimate actions.


If your partner and you have open communication and recently, they have stopped wanting to be intimate, you have to ask the hard question, is there someone new? It doesn’t necessarily mean he is physically cheating, but he could be developing an emotional relationship with someone else. The best way to handle this is not to freak out and become accusatory. You have to find out why that person is more emotionally engaging and see where you can grow or if the relationship is meant to last. Ultimately, if you are no longer connecting with your partner intimately, then it might be time to let it go.



Now if your relationship is only missing out on sex then it’s time to spice things up, ladies. Go out and splurge on that piece of lingerie that you have been thinking about. Find out if there is a certain piece of lace that gets him going. I had a boyfriend who couldn’t resist garter belts so when we fell into a rut, it was time to pull out the lace, which he liked best. The biggest benefit of lingerie is not what it does for him but what it does for you. When we have to get sexy, it makes us feel sexy and that is the biggest turn on. Sometimes we get comfortable in our relationships and forget how sexy we are. Sex is only fun if both people want it, so put the ‘sex’ back in sexy.


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Odds are pretty low that he doesn’t want to be intimate; life has just gotten in the way. It takes work to keep a relationship alive so when intimacy is at an all-time low, either do something to change it or talk about how your lives can come back together. Communication and effort are key. So be open with him and remember that you are always sexy.


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