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When a Guy is Not Sure About You...


We hate to admit it to ourselves, that dreadful truth, “He doesn’t like me the way I like him…” I learned a long time ago that men are never confused and a “confused” man is a man with options. Some scenarios do differ but a few you can be sure about is if an ex unblocks you on social media wanting to get back into your good graces, chances are, he’s looking to get back into your bed, not your heart. If an ex left you for someone else and happens to return with all sorts of confusion, it is because he found someone better but they won’t put up with his bulls***. Always believe a man's actions the first time and don’t make excuses for it. A consistent man will remain consistent and a man who is not showing up for you now, will not do so later. Men are fully aware of their actions and have long since considered the consequences of those actions, therefore making a choice more suitable to their needs.

So here we are wondering if he’s just unsure about you and if so, what can you do to persuade him, guiding him ever so lovingly into your arms. Well for starters, wake up! You were dreaming again…

How to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you

Sometimes when we are dating, we hastily begin fantasizing about our future with our new bae. This can in turn lead to some neediness and clingy behavior towards him or her, thus pushing them away. If a man is confused, he is sometimes in the process of weighing his options, honestly not looking for anything from you or just not looking for a relationship…with you. Whatever his expectations are for the ideal relationship, enough for him to want to settle down and claim you as his prize, you don’t meet them, right now. Maybe you never will, but there is a way to change this, have it work in your favor.


See, it goes like this, a single man whether newly single or a man who has been on the market for years, is not too excited about losing his freedom and having to withdraw from his masculinity just a tad. He wants to hold onto that feeling for as long as he can! His freedom and the identity he has worked so hard to find is more important to him than any union you’re offering him. Sex, fine, a relationship, oh forget it!

This begs the question, why are you ready for a relationship? My seminar, ‘The Independent Millennial Woman’ speaks about women losing themselves in relationships, placing the value of a man above their own. As women we should be okay with being single, otherwise, we fall victim to the, “What are we…” conversation and it seldom ends well for us. Let the man lead, let him decide when is a good time to enter into a union, this way, he is 100% sure about you. The likelihood of him straying, lying, or feeling weighed down by guilt will lessen, increasing your chances of having a happy, healthy relationship. So how do you achieve this? A friendship.

When a man is using the push/pull method, he is showing you that his feelings for you don’t go beyond the sack. Rather than speaking bluntly on this, he will offer up some empty tales and platitudes to avoid having to take any real responsibility of the situation and most of all, to avoid listening to you complain and cry.

Make no mistake, a man will get into a relationship, and 9/10 once a relationship is established, he will make it his priority to be committed to his partner. But the question is, how do we get him there? Well for starters, you have to stop allowing him to feel as though a lack of commitment from him hinders your ability to move on in any way. Developing a friendship is the best place to start, it is perhaps through this friendship you will discover that he is not your type after all, whereas, for him, he may discover that you are exactly the kind of woman he wants.

So how do you react when his feelings blow hot and cold:

1. Stay calm, do not react

2. Avoid heavy conversations

3. Have a life of your own and continue to see other people

4. Treat him like a friend, ask his opinion on the outfit you plan to wear on your date with another gentleman

5. Be the one who is afraid to lose her freedom

He may be doing all the things I will mention below, but honey without a commitment it’s simply not worth the investment.

1. He doesn’t speak to you about other women

2. He stares at you ever so longingly

3. He volunteers to help you around the house

4. You have an immense amount of physical chemistry

5. You’ve both learned each other’s love language

6. He tries to impress you

Related article: Love Languages Summary

When a guy is not sure about you there is nothing you can do but allow him his space and freedom to do the things he enjoys while keeping to your boundaries. No sex, no late-night phone calls, no cooking him dinner, no doing his laundry, no offering to spend the night at his place…no girlfriend benefits until he can commit. Showing a man you’re the next Martha Stewart isn’t going to raise his attractiveness towards you, it will surely decrease it.

Keep this in mind, before sex, in his mind you’re a 10, after sex, you’re now a 7 and this is for a man who is in a relationship with you, imagine those numbers for a guy that is not.

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