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When He's Confused About His Feelings for You...

by Caitlin Boos

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Men and unencumbered emotion are essentially antithetical and as women, it can often feel like a post-secondary education is necessary to decipher whether their words, actions and mannerisms, are indicative of any amorous connection towards us. While we tend to be overtly honest, either by mouth or by touch, about how we sincerely perceive the men in our social spheres, they seem to favour a more nuanced, mystifying approach to expressing affectionate sentiments. Though, there is no particular irrefutable technique that exists to decode the chaotic befuddlement that is the male mind, there are indeed, a handful of gestures and behaviors they often engage with when harboring romantic feelings for a female companion. So, whether you’re a friend suspicious of his true intentions, a fling curious if his commitment has changed or, a crush seeking his reciprocal thoughts, consider the following a temporary glance into the acts (and motives) of an enamored man:


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He Craves Your Presence

If a man is invested in you in an impassioned sense, it is explicitly accurate to assume he will attempt to spend as much time as is affordable to him with you, whether that occurs in an intimate one-on-one dynamic or in an inconspicuous group setting. For the guy blessed with unabashed gusto, blatantly requesting your company may be viable but, for most men, discreetly discovering vague ways to bask in your acquaintance will likely be their mission of choice. In addition to interacting with you when outside circumstances allow it (i.e. when paired up for a project, your social circle hosts a bash or your public transport is delayed), a man with an interest will go to exorbitant lengths to delight in your presence. Your very existence incites positive emotions within him and as he does with all other pleasurable external stimuli, either knowingly or subconsciously, he will actively seek you out even if it inconveniences him!


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His Demeanor Seems Hesitant

Perhaps an otherwise bold, brazen man in your life is astonishingly meek and reserved when communicating solely with you on his lonesome, and let us assume that there is no pre-existing power dynamic that would prompt such. The likely explanation of this baffling occurrence is an indescribable fascination with yourself, as the allure you exude is intimidating enough to nullify his normally garish behavior. While an infatuated man’s persona may become halted or hesitant, so too can his physical actions.



Though navigating the realm of best friend crushes is borderline nightmarish, a universal indicator of undisclosed adoration is the instigation of overt affection, immediately followed by the subsequent retraction of such. The purposeful foiling of initial intimate gestures (such as going in for a kiss or reaching for your hand before quickly pulling away), is incredibly tense and brimming with awkwardness but alas, is also illustrative of his prevalent; albeit guarded; romantic motivations.


He Often Lingers Longingly

Though the notion of admirers gazing at the articles of their desire is surely a battered cliché, it is definitely difficult to disagree with the fact that when someone harbors fuzzy, fond feelings for another, they tend to observe them habitually. While men are notoriously known for ogling at many members of the opposite sex, a male companion’s routinely curious eye – often paired with an amiable smile – may be expressive of a more significant interest in you. There is a plethora of ways “lingering” can be symptomatic of a serious crush: when navigating the politics of casual relations, a request for intimacy after intercourse or, for you to simply be there beside him as dawn approaches, may be a sign of increased investment. If your male suitor is perhaps less forward about, or too close to confess, his amatory feelings then he may become incredibly jealous upon discovering other men are either, inspecting your form or desiring committed sex!



His Curiosities Precede Him

While many are objectively successful at avoiding palpable admissions and indications of interest, no man, is capable of abstaining from inquiring into the personal life of the woman he adores. So, if your incognito Romeo is swift to ask avidly about intimate facets of your existence; be it your work, friends, family or partner; it is absolutely apparent that he is enamored with you. Explicating slightly, men who habitually inquire into arguably explicit topics such as sex, marriage, and/or the future, are inextricably invested in you, and unapologetic about such.


The more akin to lust and love the query, the more ardently he craves a romantic connection! Men are overly eager to substitute unbridled confessions with abundant questions, as baring his soul would innately invite rejection and embarrassment, which, are unrivaled sins in his eyes. Regardless of an otherwise aloof mirage or air of nonchalance: the man who interrogates, is the man who adores irrefutably.



He Desires Your Approval

Alas, the final demonstration that serves as a symbol of a man’s amorous interest, is an incessant need for your independent advice and insight on matters that are of grave significance to him. While habitually seeking your input on everyday affairs may just be a manifestation of his overarching respect, consulting with you on important topics and requiring your approval on such before making momentous strides of his own, is indicative of unabridged investment.


A man who ostensibly, trusts and values your perspective over his, is overwhelmingly infatuated, as he is essentially allowing your insight to govern his life. Additionally, in acquiring your advice on matters, he is able to behave in ways which acquiesce to your standards and align with your expectations; he wants to be “good for you”, and requires direction to do so. Your endorsement is an extension of your mind, and if he is in awe of the former, he will cherish the latter!


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