Why Do Guys Hide Their Girlfriends On Social Media?

by Danielle Wright

We’ve all been there—either the girl he hides but is in a relationship with or the witness to him showing no evidence of being in a relationship. No matter which side you’re on, it doesn’t feel good. It’s not uncommon for men to hide the woman they’re in a relationship with, but it’s not for the reason you think.

After an extensive amount of research and many years in the sex and relationship sector, I’ve come to learn that there is a self-serving driving force that goes into how men think and/or operate.

Different men from different cultures view women differently. Some men view women as sex objects, not a person, while others view women as status symbols—the prettier she is, the better his status in society. It’s no surprise that we see many African American men who are famous date lighter-skinned or bi-racial women.

It’s all about status for them. Men who are impoverished on the other hand, do not seek women for status, they seek women for immediate sexual gratification. In these types of scenarios, one will profess his love and the other will hide it.

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HIDING YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA

“I don’t want everybody in my business,” sound familiar? I know it does because all men say this when they don’t want to share you on their social media accounts. The strange thing is, while researching for this article I found responses surrounding this topic on Quora and Reddit that were very unsettling.

Women were called crazy or insecure because they felt it was odd that their significant other did not post them on social media. If you’re dating a man who is an avid user of socials, you should and can expect to be posted. He will no doubt post his car, his friends, his kids (if he isn’t a deadbeat), and his occupation, so he can post you, too.

You’re not crazy for wanting your significant other to show you off to the world he’s built for himself. Transparency is important. But, just because he’s not posting you does not mean he’s cheating, I do want to make that clear. It could simply be that he is not proud of having you—maybe you’re not his type but he fell in love with your personality. One way to see if this is the case is to check the people he does follow. Do the women resemble you at all? Body type, hair, makeup, fashion sense… do you have anything in common with them? I am going to go out on a limb here and say the answer is no.

But do not fret. There is nothing wrong with loving someone for their personality as most men do understand that looks fade. You want a relationship where he loves you for you. But my advice, since that’s why you’re here, is that you decide whether or not you can stay with someone who is not physically attracted to you. Your boyfriend maybe the best man in the world, but he doesn’t find you attractive, can you honestly handle that? If not, then this is the moment where you have to love yourself more than you love him and leave.

As previously mentioned men at different levels in their lives or cultural background regard women differently. Most men will settle for a woman if their dream girl is unattainable. Settling for you will result in him not showing you off, but loving you behind closed doors. If he were in a better position in his life to pursue his dream woman, he would no doubt show her to the world because he is proud of his accomplishment of successfully courting her into a relationship.

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HIDING HIS RELATIONSHIP ON SOCIAL MEDIA

I swear I have the worst luck on Bumble. I was speaking to a guy on there and he asked for my Instagram, which I shared. We then started DM’ing for a while, everything was going okay and I went on his page, no sign of a relationship…great. A few days later while scrolling I noticed he posted a photo of him kissing a woman on what appeared to be a boat.

Immediately I blocked him. Guess what? That is not uncommon. He’s not with his dream woman and so he’s keeping his options open. But, what may have transpired was she noticed he was not posting their relationship and gave him an ultimatum. He posted her, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still cheating.

I’ll tell you what, if you have to give him an ultimatum or ask him to show the world you exist, chances are he’s not physically attracted to you. Men take initiative because they are action-oriented. They do not need to be told to do something that will make them feel good. If showing you off to the world improves his social status then better believe he’s going to do just that. If you have to ask, threaten, cry, or pout, then he’s not the one for you.

Oftentimes it can come as a blow to the gut when the man you’re dating/sexing or even chatting with turns out to be in a relationship. It’s the classic rug pull. Women see this reveal and automatically think the girlfriend is lucky, she’s then thrown into a sea of jealousy and rage which leads to her confronting the girlfriend.

Ladies, never do this. The woman he is with is not special to him, she’s used to him and him, her. She tolerates his behavior which is a sign for him to continue the behavior. Don’t be surprised if a few months later he returns to you claiming to be single, but still giving you the bare minimum for sex. All along, he’s still in a relationship. Men like this do not change, they get better at covering their tracks.

Overall, if he’s not posting you on social media and it bothers you, it’s for good reason. Never ignore your intuition and don’t let those mean people on Quora tell you you’re overreacting.