Updated: May 2
One aspect of letting someone know you intimately is to let them see you as you truly are, and a huge part of that is physical. Feeling comfortable in your most genuine skin is important in a relationship. When you shower with someone you have the opportunity to fully observe each other without distractions. A true testament to your relationship is taking a shower with the new guy you’re dating.
The fantasy of showering with a man is sexy and spontaneous, but the reality of it isn’t always as glamourous as you see on TV. When you shower with the new guy in your life, your safety net of cosmetics and beauty tricks are gone. Your makeup has washed away, your hair is soaked and plastered to the side of your face, exposing your blemishes and flaws. At first, there might be an impulse to fidget or wonder what your hair looks like or what it will look like when it dries every which way. It can feel intimidating—being fully exposed and vulnerable with someone—but this can be one of the most intimate bonding moments in a new relationship. “It is also a good wall to break with a new partner to see if they truly see the beauty in you without all of the makeup and glam on. My current boyfriend loves my natural face and it was super comforting seeing him still admire my looks even when I took the makeup off,” said Marissa Brenton from Galaxy Consulting Group.
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Being comfortable with your body and your sexuality is important in life and can determine whether you can fully give yourself to another. Feeling secure enough to bear your most natural self with another is such a satisfying feeling; without the support of clothing or makeup to hide behind it can feel harder to remain confident.
When the clothes come off, it’s common to feel an instinct to protect your hair or shield yourself. For women of color, showering with the new guy you’re dating can be a real pivotal moment in your relationship because this could potentially be the first time that he sees your natural hair. The reaction of the new person you’re dating to your hair or lack of it can say a lot about a person. Many Black women, for as long as they can remember are taught to avoid getting their hair wet at all costs. For relaxed hair, water is the enemy. For natural hair, there is always the fear of shrinkage once it dries. And if you wear a wig or a weave, the moment you reveal yourself to your new man is always nerve-wracking.
Don’t be afraid to let your hair down with your man, literally. "If it shrinks, it shrinks, and then I'll have to figure some way to make the shrinkage work until I can do something else with my hair. Also, if I am in a situation where I am close enough to a man that I am showering with him, then I have no problem explaining to him that my hair needs to keep dry if that's important to me,” said Biche Shuke, an East African lifestyle blogger. To you, your flaws are all anyone is looking at but to your man, he doesn’t even notice because all he’s looking at is you.
You need to find someone capable of seeing the beauty in your dimples and imperfections. If he wants to take a shower with you, then he is attracted to you and he won’t mind some imperfections. Allow the water to wash away the final barrier between you and him and connect on a physical and emotional level. When you shower with a man all he sees is you, and you are enough.
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