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Why is My Ex Hiding His New Relationship?

by Lorraine Jones

Photo by Sinitta Leunen from Pexels


There comes a time after every break that your ex starts to move on. The urge to cyber-stalk a former lover is so tempting and curiosity can be consuming when it comes to an ex. Is he happy? Has he moved on? Checking on someone with whom you once had an emotional connection is perfectly normal, but what if you discover he is hiding the fact that he is in a new relationship?


Signs that can reveal your ex-boyfriend is being secretive about his new flame are: he dodges your questions or the subject in general, downplays other women he associates with, or simply the fact that he is still communicating with you in the first place. Thus, giving the illusion he is still available. You are among the handful of people that know his tells and mannerisms, if he was lying, you would be able to tell.


But what does this mean for you or his new girlfriend? There are a few ways to interpret an ex concealing this information from you and the hidden meaning behind this coverup. His motives may be selfish or selfless depending on the circumstances. He could be concerned for you and your feelings or solely looking out for his agenda.


“Analyzing your ex's personality is the simplest method to determine who your ex is hiding it for. Consider his actions leading up to and after the breakup. Your ex is most likely concealing his new connection because he doesn't believe you need to know about it, if he was nasty, secretive, immoral, impulsive, and always felt mistreated. Because you're his ex-girlfriend, a person from the past, he believes he owes you nothing,” said Jennifer Foster, Managing Editor for Authority Astrology, a collective group of astrology enthusiasts and dating professionals.


This decision may be calculated, as concealing his new connections buys him some time. It keeps his options open. He is leaving the door open for you in case he chooses you again in the future. This keeps you at bay, on the back burner, while he determines if this new fling is worth wild. If he doesn't burn a bridge with you, you are theoretically waiting in the wings if things don’t work out with his latest connection.


On the other hand, he may be doing this to protect you. If he isn’t flaunting his new relationship, plastering it all over social media, he may be trying to protect you and your feelings. He doesn’t want to rub it in your face that he has moved on so easily. He may have asked himself if the situation was reversed, would he want to see you with someone new everywhere he looked.


“One of the reasons why an ex may be hiding his new relationship is out of respect for you. He doesn't want to flagrantly display his new relationship—he found a new love first, and he's probably waiting for the moment that both of you have moved on and are happy,” said Chris Pleines, a dating expert from datingscout.com.


Additionally, he may simply be self-aware of his actions and how they affect those around him. “If your ex was sensitive to your feelings throughout and after the relationship, he most likely kept his new connection hidden so he wouldn't harm you or feel bad. He was concerned that giving you the truth would make you frightened and nervous and that it would put an end to your hopes of reconciliation. He didn't conceal it to keep you on the hook or to retain you as a backup option, as some dumpees believe, but rather to enjoy his post-breakup life without hurting you and, by extension, himself.” said Foster.


This could also be a result of a yearning for privacy. If your previous relationship was extremely public, involving mutual friends, family members, in-laws, etc., he may just want to keep out of the public eye temporarily to protect his new woman. He might crave something lowkey with no pressure or judgment so he can simply enjoy the excitement and newness of the relationship.


When it comes to an ex that you still have emotional ties to, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Ask yourself ‘Do I want to know? Do you want to officially see him with someone else’? If the answer is yes and you discover that he is emotionally tied to another, make it known that you aren’t bothered by this development. Since you aren’t together, he doesn’t need your approval but it is nice to show your encouragement and allow him to be happy.


No one wants to be someone’s hidden secret or someone you have to hide. Out of respect for all involved, you should communicate to your ex that you are okay with his new relationship. Rebecca Cooper Traynor, a matchmaker and dating expert at Match Me Canada, sees this common occurrence often in her line of work. “I spoke with someone recently and she shared that she and her ex still engage in regular dinners and so on with their children.


Even their closest friends don't know they've been separated and living separately for years. She wants to date others but doesn't want her ex to find out. When I dug deeper, I came to learn that he still has feelings for her, and she's been putting her own needs on the back burner for years. I encouraged her to speak to him about how she is ready to date others and move on, and that she should start letting those in her life know their situation. She agreed that the steps were needed before moving on.”


Allow yourself to completely let go of your ex. Show him you respect him and his new relationship. Seeing him with someone else is part of the healing process. Don’t hold each other back. You should both allow each other the freedom to see what's out there and find your happiness.

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