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Wipe Your Eyes Babygirl: How to Build Confidence After a Breakup

by Caitlin Boos

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Tears and mucus coat your pillowcase, grey circles and frown lines lay mocking upon your face, and the sole sounds ricocheting in your mind are his final goodbyes and the groan of the doorknob turning. In all feasible regards, breakups can be biblically devastating - often formidable enough to decimate entire established health routines, be they physical, mental, emotional or social. Though they may feel viscerally unbearable at first, practicing self-love, upkeeping uplifting repartee, and seeking advice from professional are unerring ways of deflating the damage of heartbreak. In addition to this vital (though fairly self-sufficient) advice, the following tips will allow you to emerge fully recovered and entirely unscathed, from your last painstaking relationship, regardless of how insurmountable it may seem!


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Relish All by Your Lonesome

Though you may be compelled – either deliberately or subconsciously – to hastily numb your wounds with the salve of a subsequent relationship, abstaining from all forms of emotional dependency is necessary if you want to healthily heal from heartbreak. As opposed to suppressing the prickly, uncomfortable pains of a collapsed romance with the shiny allure of a lively, vivacious fling, acknowledging the splinters on your heart is necessary. No one enjoys analyzing their injuries but alas, if what hurts is neglected and not properly addressed, then it is simply inevitable for it to evade any recovery. Fully comprehend the lesions left by your lover, and attempt to detect what lesson, breakthrough or discovery can be learned, thereby turning pernicious pain into progressive self-realization, without the emotional exploitation of another person.


Find Catharsis in Friendship

Girlfriends are objectively more vital to our lives than boyfriends, and when the absence of the former lulls you into an apparent sense of utter abandonment, the latter are eagerly there to remind of you of the exact opposite. Receiving praise, adoration and affirmation from your girls is an infallible way of rebuilding self-confidence - as is grieving, grouching and bitching with them! Verbalize every gripe, issue or grievance you have about the recent breakup, and allow them to placate your rage and then soothe your sorrows.


As they are remedying your hurt, your girlfriends will also aid in re-establishing your integrity and upholding your pride. Venturing past all the therapy, indulging in unbridled excitement and reckless enjoyment with your crew is truly a necessary part of the healing process!


Let Pride Imburse Your Worth

When faith in yourself is particularly difficult to muster, acquiring pride from an external endeavor may be infinitely easier to accomplish. For many women – such as myself – kindling confidence from intrapersonal assets can unfortunately be quite difficult and thus, in the absence of such an innate ability, I recommend developing self-esteem through achieving outward esteem.

Merits and successes can be greatly effective catalysts for positive self-perception, as being proud of an accomplishment will eventually encourage an individual to take pride in themselves for achieving such. Excelling in work, pursuing a passion, aiding with charity or progressing a goal, are all equally viable ventures that will likely imbue you with morale and subsequently, confidence! Don’t they preach proverbially, success is the most powerful form of revenge anyway?


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Complete 'Once Forbidden' Acts

Unfortunately for an abundance of women, regaining an optimistic view of themselves is largely due to their former partner’s mistreatment and belittling, and thus, participating in actions which would deliberately upset or contest their perspectives is key to self-reclamation. Whether your ex deemed these activities overtly explicit, negating of respect, or inconceivably immoral, engaging in such, both unapologetically and guiltlessly will serve as a symbolic middle finger to the man who once confined your life. By consciously shattering the shackles your last boyfriend forced on, your identity will move farther away from the distorted, damaging image he inspired, and closer towards the honest, nourishing self-perception you deserve. Upload that scandalous photo, dance provocatively with strangers, and dress as skimpily as you so desire!


Embrace Ambition and Adventure

Contrary to what much of the media may convince you, confidence is not simply a sensation you can spark up with ease. In the instance you’re finding a fruitful self-worth particularly difficult to achieve, preoccupying yourself with similarly nourishing emotions such as happiness and excitement, will enable you to cultivate esteem without necessarily realizing! Setting motivational goals for the future and creating lively plans in the present, will fuel you with joy and affirmation.


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Experimenting with new experiences (both which entice and terrify), as well as embracing risks and exploring the unfamiliar, will ignite within you a certain exuberance akin to assurance. Feeling the whole palette of positive emotions will eventually coalesce into confidence and this, is simply achievable through living a life of enthusiasm and zest!


So, while your breakup may initially be incredibly devastating to, and alarmingly disfiguring of, your reality, morale and self-worth, it absolutely does not have to be a perpetually debilitating burden. Rebuilding your internal infrastructure is an intricate ordeal that requires an immense amount of care, time and patience, so go slowly, and heal on your own terms.


These tips are simply a resource you can consult if you're seeking guidance, inspiration or an empathetic ear; all I want is for you to be okay love, and I sincerely hope my words have offered you some solace. Be kind to yourself and abstain from applying pressure to this predicament as, even if it takes an arduous, unrelenting eternity-this too shall pass.

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