Updated: Feb 27, 2020
by Kayla McCullough
The way that you feel is not your fault. The way that they hurt you is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Pain is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to be a necessary part. We have all been traumatized by life, some of us by simple wrongdoings, others by unprocessed emotions.
Whatever it may be, we have all been dealt with an uneven hand of cards and have been given the responsibility to lay them down when we see fit. Too many people go through life holding onto the cards that bring them pain, thinking that the pain they are feeling is necessary, because they must, somehow deserve it. Yes, it’s hard to let go. It’s hard to call a truce with the war that’s raging on in your heart, but it’s necessary. Because this belief that you must overthink the excruciating details that made you bleed, will dictate who you become afterwards. Let the pain you feel become a mere symptom of the wound that was sliced through your heart. Let it become a teacher. Let it show you what matters and what needs to change. Pain arrives as a warning, signaling you to walk out from the beaten path, and it only lingers when we don’t know how to let it go.
So, instead of viewing the pain you feel as a burden, view it as a rare gift. Because even though you are not at fault, healing becomes your responsibility. It becomes the necessary dam between unprocessed pain and transference, and it’s your responsibility to not allow what someone else did to you become what you do to the ones you love. Yes, when painful things happen, it is normal and healthy to feel pain, to feel hurt. But what is not normal and healthy is to allow that pain to have a constant flow from your mind to your heart. It is not normal to allow the pain to become you. You are meant to heal from the hurt that has tormented your soul. You are meant to metabolize that built up energy and produce something beautiful from it. You are not supposed to live in pain forever.
You are meant to heal from it. You are meant to confront the heartache head on, to cry when you are sad, to mourn when you are disappointed. You are meant to acknowledge the hurt and uncover the true meaning of what’s going on inside, and then learn from it. Yes, it might become ugly at times. Yes, it might become unbearable at times. But pain does not arrive to punish you, and it does not arrive to become your friend. It arrives to show you that a greater life is possible. It arrives to guide you to a better path, one that is full of belonging, purpose and enjoyment. Pain arrives to show you where to bridge the gap between hurt and healing, and it only lingers when you fail to recognize it. I promise you, that pain is not meant to last forever. It is not here to hurt you. Your pain is meant to help heal you. It is meant to fill the pit in your stomach, to mend the brokenness inside your heart. Your pain is meant to flourish you. As humans what we fail to realize is that it is in the hurt where we learn the most valuable lessons from life. It is in the hurt where were can find the fertile breeding ground that is meant to nourish the roots to the tree meant to bring us new life. It is in the hurt where we determine if our pain becomes our greatest tragedy, or the start of our most beloved love story of how the victim became the hero.
Photo by Ogo