Dating While Co-Parenting: Tips for Single Parents

Dating While Co-Parenting: Tips for Single Parents

In an almost eight-minute-long video, TikTok user CootyQueen13 bared it all. The 30-year-old mom shared her true feelings on motherhood, stating, “Being a mother is the most draining experience of your life. It changes every single person around you—every friend, every family member, the relationship with your husband, and the relationship with yourself.”

Many users have since praised the creator for her vulnerability and transparency, with some noting that it’s rare for women to be so candid about their experiences with motherhood. In the article Halle Bailey Leaves Social Media: Black Women’s Experience with Postpartum Depression, we explore some of the reasons a relationship or marriage may end after a couple welcomes their first child together.

It’s not uncommon for women to feel overwhelmed by this new level of responsibility, especially when their partners struggle to empathize or relate. Some couples make it through, but others allow the relationship to run its course and eventually call it quits. For a new mom, looking up and realizing she is alone in a room with her child—without the partner who helped create that child—can feel disheartening.

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Bitterness is an emotion that signals you are withholding forgiveness.

She's SINGLE Magazine

Unfortunately, new moms, or moms in general, often have little to no time to grieve aspects of their lives that seem to be falling apart. Whether it’s losing a job or a loved one, the responsibilities of motherhood take precedence. If you and your child’s father decide to separate for any reason, it’s unlikely that you’ll be looking for a new partner right away. In that case, dating advice for single women or moms may not apply to you—at least not yet.

First things first: your priority should always be your little one. Some key examples of putting your child first can be seen in Miranda Hobbes from Sex and the City and even Khloé Kardashian. Hobbes, despite being an ambitious career woman, made the difficult decision to welcome her baby with Steve, knowing from the start that they would not be a conventional family.

She ensured that her baby received the care he needed, even during times when she was unavailable to provide maternal care around the clock. Additionally, she created a schedule that worked for both her and Steve to ensure that he was spending ample time with their baby boy. Another example is, of course, Khloé. While the world threw digital tomatoes at the Kardashian sister, a select group of women cheered her on, praising her for showing a level of maturity in handling Tristan that the average woman—including me—likely wouldn’t have tolerated.

Men who cheat on their pregnant partners deserve their own special corner in the pits of hell—somewhere right up there with blasphemy. Now, I understand that these two examples aren’t ideal, but we also have singer Ciara, who serves as a great example of a woman who ended an engagement while her child was very young and was forced to co-parent with an uncooperative ex.

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Dating While Co-Parenting

Dealing with an uncooperative ex comes with its own set of problems, including jealousy when you start dating again. Ciara and Russell Wilson met when her son with rapper Future was only nine months old, which made things rocky between her and her ex. Future did not hold back his disapproval of the NFL player whenever conversations arose about their co-parenting relationship, making it clear that he had almost no intention of getting to know Russell—let alone contributing to his son's overall upbringing—due to the resentment he still harbored toward Ciara.

Men like Future and Lil Scrappy can easily be categorized as narcissists who display cheater’s entitlement and narcissistic outrage when a partner refuses to forgive them for their betrayal. When a man is upset at a woman for choosing not to forgive him, he sees it as a loss of control, a blow to his ego, and a way to avoid consequences. In response, he may seek to “get back at mom” for damaging his self-image.

This could manifest as neglecting the child to force the mother to call him more, see him, or beg for assistance—also known as possessiveness. This type of man sees his ex as something to possess, not as an individual with boundaries. Women like Ciara, who was fortunate enough to move on to a better partner, only further wounded her ex’s ego—likely contributing to his absence from their child’s life.

When dealing with an ex like this, you may face challenges with your child, who might start to resent you, believing you are the reason their father is unwilling to spend quality time with them. This level of possessiveness requires a firm hand, patience, and the awareness to navigate the situation without causing further emotional harm to your child or yourself.

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"Why Do We Get Stuck With Old Maid And Spinster And Men Get To Be Bachelors And Playboys?"

Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City

HOW TO CO-PARENT WITH AN UNCOOPERATIVE EX-SPOUSE:

  • Consider holding off on dating until your child is old enough to talk. This way, if something happens to them, they can advocate for themselves.

  • Always believe your child—no matter what!

  • Stop prioritizing your ex. If you find yourself begging for their approval or pleading for them to spend time with their child, understand that they are still dealing with unhealed trauma—trauma they will likely project onto your child if and when they finally decide to be present.

This is when one parent may begin the process of turning a child against the other—using manipulation to gain sympathy or the approval of others to justify their abuse. Don’t fall for it. If you can request full custody, do so as soon as possible. Document everything and keep records of any relevant communication. Also, be open with your child that you are dating—not your ex, as it is none of their concern. If your ex is a threat to you or your child, seek help immediately.

DATING AS A SINGLE MOM:

Contrary to popular belief—and the advice of unlicensed relationship “gurus” online—you should always disclose to a potential partner that you are a single parent. This topic is quite controversial, but I’m not sure why… There is a difference between “hiding your child” and “choosing which information is important to share.” Be honest and open about your child. If the person you are dating is genuinely interested in you, they need to know that you come as a package deal.

Related articles: When Is It Okay to Introduce My Boyfriend to My Kid?

Do not introduce your child to this person until at least 4–6 months of consistent dating. However, during this time, you should gradually keep your partner updated on your life. If you’re co-parenting, maintain transparency with the other parent. It’s unhealthy to go into dating with the mindset of, “It’s not their business; they are here to get to know me, not my child.” This way of thinking is immature at best and selfish at worst. Think of your child as an extension of yourself—because they are. Give the person you’re seeing, who is also investing their time and finances into you, the respect of knowing as much about your life as they are willing to learn.

By Danielle Wright

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