Disadvantages of Dating a Broke Man

Let me preface this by saying, a broke man is someone who cannot provide for anyone outside of himself.

In other words, he may drive a nice vehicle, live in a beautiful home, have a stable career with a 401k, but beyond that, if he were to procreate with a woman and there were health complications that prohibit her from working, he would not be able to provide a stable environment for that woman and their child. It’s understandable that today the term ‘broke man’ is used quite loosely. It is seen as men who cannot pay for a woman to get her hair and nails done or pay a light bill, etc., but those things are minor and are not the responsibility of a man you are talking to/dating.

Dating someone who is financially struggling can lead to significant disadvantages, notably financial stress and unequal contributions. Financial stress arises from limitations on activities, an inability to go out for meals or entertainment, and constant worry about money matters. Additionally, an imbalance in contributions to expenses, such as rent, groceries, or leisure activities, can foster feelings of resentment or frustration if one partner feels they are shouldering a disproportionate financial burden.

Moreover, the relationship may entail limited lifestyle choices due to financial constraints, dictating where you can go, what you can do, and how you can spend your time together. This can be particularly challenging if partners have differing expectations or preferences for social activities or travel.

Dependency dynamics and future planning challenges further compound the drawbacks. Financial instability may create dependency within the relationship, where one partner feels reliant on the other for financial support, leading to feelings of insecurity or power imbalances. Moreover, challenges in planning for the future, such as saving for major milestones like buying a home or starting a family, may arise due to differences in financial priorities or goals, potentially causing tension or conflict. Lastly, dating someone who is struggling financially can impact one's self-esteem and sense of security, especially if they value financial stability or independence. This may result in questioning one's choices and feeling anxious about the future of the relationship.

MEN YOU DATE ARE EXPECTED TO UPHOLD...

RESPECT AND COMMUNICATION: Men should treat their partners with respect, kindness, and empathy, which involves effective communication, active listening, and acknowledging their partner’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries.

PHYSICAL SAFETY & PROTECTION: Men are often expected to prioritize their partner’s well-being and safety, which may include taking steps to ensure their partner’s safety in potentially risky situations, such as walking home at night or intervening if they encounter harassment or danger. For example, I once dated a guy who lived in a not-so-safe neighborhood, and he would almost never walk me downstairs to wait for my Uber whenever I was leaving his home. This was an immediate red flag for me, and needless to say, I stopped seeing him.

RESPECT FOR AUTONOMY AND INDEPENDENCE: Men should respect their partner’s autonomy, independence, and individuality by supporting their personal goals, interests, and ambitions, and allowing them the space to pursue their own passions and interests outside of the relationship.

GROWTH AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Men are responsible for personal growth and self-improvement, both for their own sake and for the benefit of the relationship. This may involve reflecting on their behavior, addressing any problematic patterns or behaviors, and actively working towards becoming a better partner.

RESPECT FOR BOUNDARIES & CONSENT: Men should respect their partner’s boundaries, consent, and bodily autonomy at all times, refraining from pressuring or coercing their partner into any sexual activity or behavior and respecting their partner’s right to say no.

When dating a man, it’s essential to keep certain things in mind to avoid unpleasant situations. Anything beyond these considerations is considered a bonus or an addition to your expectations. If a man is generous and offers to do things beyond the scope of arranging activities to get to know you, don’t take it for granted. Men aren’t obligated to provide for your upkeep simply because they're interested in dating you.

That's your responsibility until you're both in a relationship. Once he has impressed you enough to earn your loyalty, then you can expect him to contribute to some of your basic needs. Don’t wait too long to make things official; otherwise, you may waste your time and risk being used by a financially unstable man.

EXPECTATIONS FOR MEN YOU MARRY...

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT: Husbands should provide emotional support, offering comfort, understanding, and encouragement to their spouses. This includes actively listening to their partner’s concerns, showing empathy and validation, and being emotionally available during both joyful and challenging times.

FINANCIAL STABILITY: This is a fundamental responsibility of a husband. If he's unwilling to marry you and accept his role as a provider, you should continue your search for a suitable husband. Husbands are expected to significantly contribute to the household's financial stability by providing for their family's needs. This includes earning a steady income, managing finances responsibly, and working collaboratively with their spouse to achieve financial goals.

SHARED HOUSEHOLD RESPONSIBILITIES: In marriage, husbands share the responsibility of maintaining the household and completing domestic tasks. This includes chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and home maintenance, aimed at creating a comfortable living environment for both partners.

PARENTING AND FAMILY DUTIES: If there are children, husbands are responsible for actively participating in parenting duties and supporting their spouse in raising and nurturing the children.

Husbands have a crucial role in fostering respect and support within their marriage. This entails treating their spouses with kindness, appreciation, and respect, while also supporting their personal growth and well-being. It involves respecting their partner's opinions, choices, and boundaries, and encouraging them to pursue their goals and aspirations.

Additionally, husbands are expected to demonstrate commitment and fidelity in their marriage. They are tasked with honoring their marriage vows and prioritizing their relationship with their spouse. This commitment includes being faithful, trustworthy, and dependable, and investing time and effort into maintaining a strong and healthy marriage.

Furthermore, husbands should actively engage in shared decision-making processes within the marriage. This involves considering their spouse's input, preferences, and needs when making major decisions, and seeking mutually satisfactory solutions that benefit both partners and the family as a whole. Additionally, husbands are responsible for nurturing their relationship by spending quality time together, fostering emotional intimacy, and maintaining a healthy physical relationship.

This includes engaging in activities that strengthen their bond and prioritizing regular communication and affection. Lastly, husbands have a responsibility for personal growth and self-improvement as well. This involves reflecting on their behavior, addressing any problematic patterns or behaviors, and actively working towards becoming a better partner and spouse for the benefit of the marriage.

by Danielle Wright