He Doesn't Celebrate Valentine's Day

What is Valentine’s Day? St. Valentine’s Day is a holiday designed for lovers to express their affection with greetings and gifts. But for some lovers, it could simply mean an argument. “I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s a man-made holiday.” Have you heard this before? I have. But what does it mean exactly and should we as women grow worried when our mate utters these tragic and confusing words? Perhaps.

While it may be safe to say that the holiday is simply a marketing ploy to earn a business more sales following that of Black Friday and Christmas – it all comes down to one thing, compromise. One user wrote, “I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day. I’ve either been cheated on, dumped, or just alone on February 14th. My boyfriend has made it clear he plans on doing nothing on Valentine’s even though I’ve told him this…” and she goes on to mention that while she understands it’s just another day she would like to be able to talk to him about it.

When it comes to particular holidays and relationships, it all comes down to learning how to accommodate one another. It is safe to agree with your partner in acknowledging that this is just another day, but to make things right, he should still look to spend the day with you, have a cheap night in, watching streaming platforms like Netflix and Hulu to name a few.

When two people enter into a relationship they do so with the comfortability of knowing they are there for one another – good, bad, ugly. The best way to overcome any problem is to communicate and find a common ground. In my experience, there was no common ground. I opted for the cheap night in and asked for a hug to which I was hatefully ignored and told, “Well, I do not want to come by or wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day because I know you’re just going to want more than that.”

Yes, a man said this to me…sad, I know. But fear not because maybe the man you’re in a relationship with or dating isn’t like the aforementioned piece of shit. Mature men who are capable of carrying on civilized and healthy relationships should be able to listen to you and meet you halfway when it comes to your needs in the relationship.

WHAT DO WE SUGGEST?
Tell him it is important to you and you would be open to celebrating, but not in a material way. Romantic gestures do not always involve spending money—a handwritten card, cuddling, cooking dinner at home are all some options that can be explained to him with grace and kindness. Men respond well in a calm and controlled environment, so you absolutely must not freak out and begin to behave belligerently. Understand his point of view and try to find a solution to this problem, together.

WHAT ABOUT THE ROMANCE?
Is the romance in your relationship alive and well? Or do you feel stifled and like it’s lagging a bit? Oftentimes when women make a big deal about Valentine’s Day it is because other areas in the relationship need some resuscitating. Maybe it’s sex or just little things that you both used to do for one another that is now nonexistent.

Whether your boyfriend is into these holidays or not, the most important thing is communicating to him why such a day is significant to you in the first place, adding that you wish there were more romance in the relationship. The trade-off: he can show you his appreciation regularly vs just one day (this is the better deal) and if he can’t keep up his end of the bargain then celebrate Valentine’s Day with a different boyfriend.

Another option for couples with a bit more history is simply to take this day to be kind to one another. Take Valentine’s Day as your “Partner Day” and resolve any conflicts that may be pressing in your relationship, discuss each other’s wants and needs thoroughly, ask your partner if there is anything he would like more of from the relationship.

Get to know one another again, make each other laugh and promise to have no quarrels on this day no matter how big or small. This can be something you both work on looking forward to and can do wonders for building your relationship and making it stronger than it was before.

The celebration of Valentine’s Day or the lack thereof doesn’t have to be the end-all, be-all of your romantic bliss, but most importantly see how well your partner listens and takes your feelings into account. If he is a selfish lover like the asshole I mentioned earlier, run, run away as fast as you can because I can promise you it will only get worse.

Have a great Valentine’s Day!

by Lisa K. Stephenson