Why Singlehood Is the New Status Symbol for Modern Women

“The laws won’t let us leave,” was the response I received when I asked a friend of mine—who is married and miserable—why he simply wouldn’t just… leave. Male logic says that if they are no longer happy in their relationship and wish to go, then they lose everything: half of their assets and sometimes even the children—gone. It’s no surprise that most women end up with the house, the cars, and full custody of the children once a divorce is finalised. But it does not have to be this way; men are fully within their rights to file for joint custody or even full custody of their children, and they have just as much claim over the marital home as the wife. The truth is, men often do not want full custody of their children—they want the life they had before becoming a husband and father, which is where the lines seem to blur.

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Many years ago, women wanted marriage for the stability and happiness it promised. She could raise the children, take care of the home, have tea with her friends in the afternoon—all while her husband worked a day job, came home in the evening, helped minimally with the housework and the children, had sex with his wife, went to bed, then repeated it all the next day. Not only did this life offer stability, but it was also a status symbol for women: a chance to say, “I am married. A man chose me to be his wife. I am worthy. I have purpose.”

Today, however, the conversation is shifting as more women are opening up to the idea that we were sold marriage the same way we were sold the American Dream—as the pinnacle of life. But is this true? The American Sociological Association states that 70% of divorces are initiated by women—mostly those who are college-educated. The reasons include unequal distribution of emotional labour and domestic responsibilities, burnout, financial abuse, and infidelity.

An article from The Times (UK) discusses the recent shift in how men are approaching women who no longer see the benefit in relationships and marriages. “Men are more romantic than women, say scientists. They have a fear of being single.” Marriage was once the status symbol for women, but it was never designed to benefit us. From a health standpoint, while marriage offers protective benefits, these are stronger for men. Women, especially those in unhappy marriages, may suffer more physiologically from conflict than their single peers. That little wedding band on your left hand doesn’t seem to be as appealing as it once was.

Related articles: Why Men Don't Want to Get Married Anymore 

Single women are learning in real time that it may be best to just be… single. Chris Alvino, a relationship therapist, says, “If you want to know the common thread on why men are not seeing success in their relationships, it’s due to so much self-pity and women-blaming, and very little responsibility-taking. Putting the economic issues of late capitalism aside, many men who are not directly affected by this are still deeply disillusioned by dating because they’ve been indoctrinated into the manosphere way of thinking about women. Many are angry, miserable, and blame women—and the so-called woke mind virus—for their dating woes, not realising they’ve lost, or perhaps never developed, the ability to connect on a non-superficial level. Every relationship for them is transactional in nature.”

Now, the question becomes: if men are of no real use to women, why are we marrying them?

If we think of marriage the way men do, then we, too, should be able to deem it transactional in nature. The average man who cannot merely provide for a family or own a home should not automatically be granted the opportunity to have a wife, let alone procreate. With this knowledge, modern women are redefining what status looks like because the options are fewer and fewer. Based on the above qualifications, fewer women will be able to marry anyway—which already places women at a disadvantage. Not because women should not aspire to marriage, but because there are simply no good candidates available.

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Shifting to singlehood as the new status symbol for women is not some woke ideology meant to further fuel the gender wars. It is merely a way to educate and call out the fact that men are slacking in a system they themselves designed—an outdated system that continues to retail stale gender expectations which, conveniently, only seem to apply to women.

If the options for quality men are so low, how can marriage continue to be the status symbol that others use to determine economic stability, class signalling, legitimacy, respectability, or even exclusivity in access? Sadly, it does not appear that we are any closer to holding men accountable for the decline in relationships and, therefore, birth rates here in America. Marriage has long operated as a status symbol for success because it was tied to the reproduction of children. Without that, the system is sure to crumble.

Related articles: Is the Patriarchy Harmful? The Rise of Single Women and Hyperfeminine Men 

Modern single women are restructuring our status symbols because when life gives you lemons… we make lemonade. We are not waiting around for Prince Charming to put us in a house—we’re buying them on our own. We are not waiting on men to take us on vacations—we’re solo travelling. We are not waiting for men to buy us dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant—we’re getting dressed up and taking ourselves on dates. We are not waiting for a man to make us a passenger princess—we’re ordering black cars and sitting pretty in the back seat.

The world is changing, and not because of women. Our goals never changed—the quality of suitors has declined rapidly. Without that being addressed, all else will continue to go downhill. So no, marriage is no longer the status symbol of a wealthy, respectable woman. Her Instagram highlights—showing the multiple countries she’s visited, all while remaining single and childfree—are.

by Danielle Wright