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Confronting the Other Woman

by Kaila Coleman

Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels

There is nothing more heartbreaking than finding out that your partner has cheated on you with another woman. To those women who ask, “What do I do? How do I confront the other woman?” I say, don’t. I have never understood the need to get in the other woman’s face. You weren’t in a relationship with her, why do you care what she does?


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Let me ask you this, why are her actions more important than your man’s? He was the one who chose to cheat, so why are you taking your anger out on her? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been cheated on too and it hurts like hell. Regardless, there is no reason to confront the other woman, at least not in anger. She already took your significant other, why let her win your pride and calm?


If someone chooses to cheat, it seems to me that that is their choice and problem, not the other woman’s. I understand that no one wants to find out their significant other is cheating and it can feel more validating confronting her but what does that gain you? The only time I would ever suggest confronting the other woman is if you know he is cheating and you also know she doesn’t know he is cheating on her as well.

If he was cheating on both of you and neither one of you knew, then you find her and make a plan that will bring him to his knees. Maybe not actually that extreme but let him know that he has been found out and you are both dumping him. But even this isn’t a full confrontation though. Because if he cheats on you, you should either leave his unfaithful tendencies for her to deal with or give him an earful.

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You have not put in the time and effort to have a relationship with the other woman and your anger at her is displaced. You are crushed by him, so let him know how much he hurt you. You are more than her and if you start a catfight because of him you are no better and it will confirm his decision to cheat on you.


At this point, the only thing you have on your side is that you didn’t react or show him that his choice affected you. You are more dignified, articulate, and above all, you are not the girl he decided to sleep with. You would never be the other woman, so don’t fight over someone who is not worth your time. If he didn’t want you, then you hold back your tears and leave him for something better and show him he was wrong.

There is a reason that many women get drastic haircuts or lose weight after a breakup and it does two things; shows him that you don’t need him in your life to be successful and what he lost. You don’t want him to say “good riddance” when you leave him, you want him to kick himself for ever thinking you weren’t good enough. You are way better than he ever deserved, that’s why he cheated. He didn’t know how to appreciate what he had. A lot of people don’t know how to accept the love they deserve and end up self-sabotaging their relationships. The most you should do in any cheating situation is talk to your partner and clarify why he would do this. It will suck, trust me, I know. This is the hardest part of redirecting your hurt.


Ask him what you did and if he can’t come up with anything then his actions are not a reflection of who you are. You cannot hold yourself solely responsible for his actions or hers. Hold yourself higher than this one moment. Time and attention are valuable things, neither she nor your man deserves any more of your time or attention. Overall, confronting the other woman doesn’t gain you anything and makes your man look like he made the right decision. I don’t want any of you to waste your time on people who don’t deserve to be a part of your life.


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