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Dating Outside of Your Type

The Typecast: Carbon Copy Dating by Lisa K. Stephenson

Have you ever heard someone say, “He looks just like your ex-boyfriend?” chuckles, maybe you have not, but I sure have! Time and time again my current suitor is compared physically to my last lover. Why do some women tend to date along the “type path?” In theory when one relationship ends it feels almost abnormal to deviate from the men who fit our type list. Maybe its cultural background, skin-tone, eyes, hair, or even teeth. There is always something that we search for to serve as a platform of familiarity. Despite how the last relationship ended we don’t quite stray from what we consider attractive or appealing to our eyes. It makes the selection process that much easier when you’re trying to move on and as previously mentioned, go back on the hunt again. While some women tend to type-cast, others simply never leave. No matter how painful the memory they stick around their last suitor optimistic in the idea that the title will one day re-emerge; this is rather than searching for a carbon copy version of their ex, they simply refuse to walk away from the original.

Do men subconsciously practice the same carbon-copy conduct, aka have a dating type?

I say subconsciously because let’s face it, we cannot possibly, as women intentionally seek out to date another man who strongly resembles our last suitor. This is inadvertently done as the heart simply craves and wants what it wants. A familiar face creates comfort to the ailing heart, outwitting our limbic system causing us to believe it is being satisfied by an original when it is not. Are we smarter than we think? Capable of manipulating our minds into thinking and believing that we have moved on, found new love, and will start over? Perhaps, there may be similarities with physical features but what of personality? In my personal experience my carbon copy suitor behaved far more like that of a gentleman and presented exemplary character traits that even the slightest comparison to my ex would be considered insulting to him. I dare not do such a thing.

Let us transition, shall we? Over into the next phase of this topic I would like to discuss briefly how and why women are caught in this never-ending cycle of heartbreak. The circle of heartbreak as professionals would call it. Many of us do not seem to want to stray from what is our “type” and therefore aside from the physical characteristics you find yourself courting and dating another man with familiar personality traits as well. Temporarily this puts our hearts to ease, but one wrong move and one wrong word can instantly bring us back to that dark place we once escaped from. Maybe all men are not the same, maybe we as women just keep revisiting the past by allowing carbon-copies into our lives. I would like to challenge a woman, any woman who has dealt with a painful breakup to not seek to date a man who ideally fits her type, any resemblance to your ex whatsoever is not to be entertained or even considered as a potential mate. Rather, find and date a man who is the complete polar opposite of the last man you’ve dated.

Men and the carbon-copy conduct, let’s just say men are not as simple-minded as one would presume. Sure, they are physical creatures but still wise none the less and are very peculiar about companionship, relative to their lifelong decisions, some not all. In other words, most men do not practice carbon-copy conduct. Have you ever wondered why his new girlfriend poses no resemblance to his last? The physical features at times no longer come into play, how they are treated becomes the primary characteristic that aids in their quest for new solid love. The new girlfriend is many times the polar opposite of the last girlfriend by way of treatment and this seems to work for them, whether transient or not, it works. Women, I challenge you to do the same.

Step out of your comfort zone, you may be surprised with the results.


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