by Kayla McCullough, Heterosexual Relationships
Ladies let’s talk about the ghost in the room. We all have a few special spots in the back of our minds where we keep those who distance themselves after a few dates or nights of steamy hot texts. At some point, we have all met a sweet, smart interesting guy who, aside from our best efforts, completely charmed our pants off and left us agreeing to a romantically lit dinner on a Friday night. During dinner, we catch ourselves nonchalantly throwing around jokes and trying to laugh at his corny remarks, at this point the date is going well. The conversation continued to flow, you laughed a lot, and then finally parted ways at 11:30 pm, you went home happy – swept away even. After connecting you had the feels, and if your hunch was on the mark (because seriously, how many first dates last five hours?), so did he. The next morning, you wake up and find yourself excitedly waiting for his next text to you. Hours of waiting silently span into days, weeks, and then months. Nothing. Turns out the hunch you had was wrong because you never heard from or saw of him again.
Why did he ghost me after a great date?
This type of man goes down on your list as the “one-date-wonder” and will forever be remembered as the ghost you potentially could have formed something beautiful with – he gets written down as “one of those things” in your mile-long line of dating mishaps. And that’s okay. We mend our broken heart by hastily calling up our girlfriends (or mothers because let’s be honest, mom’s know best) and rid his name out of existence. But you end up wondering what happened. Was it something you said? Or did you read all the signs wrong and he wasn’t as into you as you once thought? But if that’s the case then why did he span the date for so many hours? After days of racking your brain, you decide that there is only one thing to do – set aside your ego, sift through your old messages to find Don’t Call’s number and you know, send him the most annoying text, “Hey, I hope you’re doing well. How’s life been?”
After holding your breath for what seemed like hours, he responds. “Hi! I’ve been well. How are you?”
So, he does remember you. Now, you spend the rest of the day searching for answers as to why he ghosted you. “We got along really well! At the time I wasn’t looking for anything specific. I was only interested in sex and didn’t feel okay with continuing a relationship that wasn’t going to continue to be serious in the long term.” He had a good point.
Yes, in the long run, he should have told you his intentions from the beginning, because heaven forbid, we eat another pint of ice cream to drown out his name – but this should help you realize that no matter how great the chemistry, a good thing will never go anywhere if you both aren’t looking for the same thing. In the beginning, you couldn’t give this guy the no-strings-attached sex that he was looking for and he wasn’t able to give you the cozy movie nights and flowers you craved. Chemistry is a good thing, but it’s not special if both parties aren’t fully committed to it. So, if a dreamy first date comes to an end, chances are it’s probably for the best. We have all heard the saying, “It’s not you, it’s me” and that becomes crystal clear when it comes to this case. I remember spending so much of my dating life seeking closure because without it I felt that I’d have no peace of mind. It turns out seeking that closure has often made times worse for myself. So, to save you the heartaches, become okay with not knowing, and just move on.