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Does the No Contact Rule Work If You Were Dumped?

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When it comes to breakups, a clean split is usually what’s best for both of you to heal and move on. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, ceasing all contact on both ends ensures that you both have time to process the situation without interference from the other. So yes, the no contact rule works—even if you’re the one who has been dumped.


Whether your ultimate goal is for them to eventually reach out or for them to be out of your mind completely, going no-contact is a necessity to ensure you move forward with peace of mind.


SO, HOW DOES IT WORK?

There is no gray area when it comes to no contact; it’s only black and white. No contact means cutting off all forms of contact, no matter how difficult or painful it may be. This may look like blocking and/or deleting their phone number, blocking their social media accounts and email addresses, and avoiding any places you know your ex frequents.


If you and your ex share mutual friends, consider letting them know that you don’t want to see your ex at all during this time—even for a split second. Kevin Darné, author of Every Ending is a New Beginning: The Journey from Breaking Up to Moving On, suggests implementing the no contact rule for at least six months to a year to properly grieve the relationship and move on. He also recommends getting rid of all gifts, photos, and mementos that remind you of your ex.


“Out of sight, out of mind,” as they say. The key to making the no contact rule work is to fully commit to it and to stick with it, especially during the moments when all you want to do is call them up and scream at them.


WHY IS IT SO EFFECTIVE?

The truth is, you are probably feeling a whole range of conflicting emotions. Maybe, all you want to do is to reach out and clear the air with your ex. But especially when you’ve been dumped, you need to let the dust settle and let your ex sit with the decision they made. Maybe you’d like to be friends one day, maybe you’re hoping they will come crying and begging for forgiveness, or maybe you want to rid them from your mind completely so you can have a more fulfilling relationship down the road.


Regardless of what kind of relationship you’re hoping for with your ex, it cannot happen immediately after the breakup. The no contact rule is most effective if it is “seen primarily as a way to rebuild yourself, and getting the other back is [just] a potential bonus,” according to Ludovic Chung-Sao, founder of Zen Soundproof.


So, going no-contact is more likely to work out in your favor if you’re doing it for yourself—not for them and the potential of winning them back. Renee Alexis, a writer at Draw Paint Color, worded it eloquently: “Cutting your communication with someone who hurt you is acceptable. Staying friends with a toxic ex will never get you the peace of mind and healing you deserve.”


Ultimately, your peace and happiness are more important than any ex. The moment you let another person define your happiness is the moment you begin to lose yourself altogether. Whether you and your ex one day become friends or lovers once again is something only time will tell. But in the meantime, you owe it to yourself to focus on yourself for once and to bring yourself the joy that they couldn’t.


3 Comments


What if you dumped her? I was an idiot and she's blocked me on everything. Irony huh

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When we really like someone, we tend to give off needy vibes. This is partly the reason why no contact works. Having said that, no contact is not the only way to get your ex back. If you just wait and hope they text you... it will drive you crazy, trust me. (Been there, done that) - For a more pro-active approach, it’s really worth checking out all of Brad Browning’s stuff. His techniques work so damn well. You can find his guide at: TheExGuide.Com - Low-key, the psychology behind it all is actually really interesting! It's crazy how a few changes in your behaviour can make such a difference. Don't under-estimate human psychology ha

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"Ultimately, your peace and happiness are more important than any ex. The moment you let another person define your happiness is the moment you begin to lose yourself altogether. " This is spot on. It's really difficult to focus on anything when all you can think about is your ex... but you have to try and live your own life. What will be, will be.

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