So what's next by Caitlin Boos
Adultery; infidelity; the ever-dreaded “c-word”- whichever way you refer to it and additionally, whichever behaviors you consider comprise it, absolutely nobody actively invites cheating into their relationship. The emotions one customarily feels after the person they adore most in the world obliterates their trust and undermines their wellbeing are, overwhelmingly catastrophic- so much so, that they can often decimate the entire relationship. Due to contrasting communication methods, men and women react very differently upon discovering their partners have engaged in affairs, and thus, it is highly likely you will have no clue what to do when he/she disclose their disloyalty.
Though the following is a guide for women on how to heal from the dastardly blow your misguided deeds will dole; it can also be used as a resource for determining where your two’s love story will go from here.
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Take Your Time, Baby
Okay ladies, now that your partner has drawn your attention to this article I, the author, highly implore you to isolate yourself from such an individual because he, breached the sanctity of your relationship and you, are fully entitled to healing the healthiest way imaginable. As touched upon in the introduction, the tempestuous concoction of emotions currently coursing through your veins is capable of causing reckless volatility and thus, you must be alone as you commence to recover. Distance is vital in this beginning stage, as it allows you to gauge, analyze and reflect upon, your opinions about your relationship, your partner, and his disloyalty in a diffused, and thus, tranquil manner. Understanding how you feel about your haplessly befuddling situation from a grounded, level-handed perspective, will make the subsequent foray into recognizing and discussing it, infinitely easier.
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Once you have taken the necessary time to thoroughly process and wholly comprehend the tragedy, reconvene with your partner, and collectedly voice your abundance of intricate thoughts, opinions and emotions on the incident, as well as on the relationship at large. After proverbially spilling your guts, grant him the opportunity to grovel and apologize unbridled, as this will purge him of all the overwhelming guilt, he possesses in regards to foolishly betraying the woman he loves. With his burden of remorse now cathartically released, you two can earnestly begin to resolve the issues which plague your romance by engaging in unflinching conversations about why the unsavory event occurred in the first place. Inquire and answer in tandem with utter and unwavering vulnerability; delve unflinchingly into the reasons behind the affair and study the unsettling feelings which inspired it.
Therapy, Therapy, Therapy
Though the conversations you have with your unfaithful partner will reveal ample illuminating revelations about both them and the relationship, you will never truly discover the underlying issues which caused the infraction without involving an experienced third party. Seeking out aid from a skilled loved one or, ideally, from a licensed professional, will expose concealed wants, repressed needs, and indescribable discontentedness you and your lover individually harbor in regards to your romantic dynamic. Additionally, a therapist or adviser will be able to instigate and navigate discussions about unspoken insecurities, subconscious beliefs, and childhood events that fundamentally influence both your characters and thus, motivate your behaviors. By attending counseling, each party’s fears, desires, and aspirations will be enlightened causing the root of the initial issue to be allocated and the future consequently planned.
Is It Still Okay to Stay?
With every veiled skeleton evicted from you and your significant other’s closets, it is finally time to commence considering whether or not you are going to continue consorting in your current relationship. Using all of the information acquired from his confessions as well as the clinical evaluation of your compatibility as a couple, you can best determine if this romantic endeavor is one you wish to remain emotionally invested in. If you are wary of abandoning the relationship primarily because you fear being alone- consider both the benefits and the burdens it has upon your life, and conclude whether this is a net gain or a net loss. In the case your partner is more a pain than he is a pleasure, leaving, is incontestably the most sensical and self-preserving thing you can do that in the long run, will be greatly contributive to your overall happiness.
Where to Go from Here
If you wholeheartedly believe your relationship is indeed salvageable after all the facts have been studied and the truths have been revealed, the utmost important action to take is to establish fixed and defined boundaries your partner has to abide by when interacting with other women. Though you must not weaponize his infidelity as a form of overcontrol, requiring your lover to follow certain procedures and abstain from other behaviors while in social settings or around unknown girls, is an effective way to proactively prevent a repeat offense. Additionally, the suppressing of any feelings, urges, or emotions should be prohibited, as such a phenomenon is exactly what inspired the horrific incident initially! Now that your communication is as earnest and unflinching as it has likely ever been, outwardly expressing all pertinent inner notions is necessary, as withholding such might regrettably result in a subsequent affair.
Throughout this arduously painful process, I sincerely hope you have rediscovered some semblance of vigor, passion or sanctuary amidst the relationship that motivates you to continue repairing it from the fractures it has recently endured. Love is an indescribably complicated amalgamation of things and thus, it is bound to become chaotic sometimes as nothing this extraordinary can be effortless indefinitely. Fortunately, your man is one of the good ones, and this mindless lapse in judgment was just a deplorable blunder from someone who otherwise adores you dearly!
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