by Danielle Wright
There’s this episode of Sex and the City where Samantha is masturbating all day. She thought she lost her orgasm, and it got me thinking—is there such a thing as masturbating too much? Well, let me just say this, it comes in handy when you’re trying to make a guy wait for sex OR you’re dating a guy who just can’t get you there on his own. Either way, masturbating is a must for almost anyone.
Exploring our sexuality is a normal part of our development, and masturbation is a typical part of this journey. Consequently, it becomes a behavior most likely done in secret out of shame or just feeling bad about yourself. Think about it, when did you start to masturbate? The average person learns to masturbate when they are at an awkward, insecure phase of development. And have you noticed that when you’re done, you feel a bit tainted, almost disgusted with yourself? Lol. Yep, I thought so.
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Whether you’re in a relationship or not it’s not always easy to tell if someone masturbates. But one of the obvious signs is they aren’t rushing for sex or doesn’t show much interest in having sex. I know, it is true that masturbating does increase your libido. But if your partner is not great at sex and you’re reaching orgasm through masturbation then you’ll want to masturbate more, not have sex with your partner more. Makes sense?
However, if you’ve been with this person for years and you’re both comfortable with your sexuality and have a great sex life, you may not want to masturbate at all, and in the case that you do, yes, your libido will rise and you’ll want to have sex with your partner a whole lot.
Other signs are, that person is generally just in a good mood. No, for real. People who masturbate often can experience better sleep, have better sex, and are just happier. Now, of course, everything should be done in moderation so if your partner seems to be masturbating too much there are signs to look out for as well. People who masturbate too much may tend to injure themselves. There is no set number of times you should masturbate, but if you notice your friend or partner complaining of injuries down there, then maybe it’s time for a small intervention.
ASK: If you ask someone and they seem to shy away from the subject, become defensive or just feel and look ashamed, then it's safe to say that they do masturbate. Understand that masturbation will have an impact on how we view ourselves. When you masturbate, you are touching your body, heightening your sensations and your spirituality. If the person feels numb, lonely, or disconnected, then yes, they could be masturbating but doing it excessively, and again, you should speak to this person about finding healthier alternatives.
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There is no real black-and-white answer on how you can tell if someone masturbates although we do know that for some people who are in relationships, this can be a cause for worry. All in all, if your partner is no longer initiating sex, lasting longer during sex, or craving you sexually regularly, he or she could be masturbating and finding more pleasure in that.
HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE THIS?
If you think that you or someone you know is addicted to masturbating—missing school and social events, canceling plans with friends and family, skipping chores and daily activities to indulge in the act. The first thing is bringing your concerns to their attention or giving yourself a reality check. If this person is wrapped up in themselves and they don’t understand how their actions are hurting you or vice versa, you have to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with them.
If it's your partner, think about ways to incorporate yourself into their masturbation habits. If they’re masturbating to a magazine, then maybe add your photos in between the pages so they can see you versus the women in the magazine. Or suggest bringing toys into the bedroom. I think this one is very important because for some women penetration alone cannot bring them to reach an orgasm—raises hand.
If you use a clitoral vibrator while he strokes you, everybody wins or if he uses a dildo while you use some other toy, again, everybody wins. Maybe even think about the possibility of a sex swing or butt plugs to entice his view from the back. There are several ways to keep things spicy so that masturbation does not ruin your sex life, but rather improves it.