For a relationship to last, a couple must be able to trust each other completely. If that trust isn’t there, it will eat away at the relationship by causing one or both people to behave in unloving, disrespectful ways. So, the question you should be asking right now is not, “Should I get back with a cheating ex?” but rather, “If we get back together again, will I be able to honestly, truly forgive them and move forward in a new relationship together without me always bringing up what happened in the past or subconsciously holding it against them?”
Talking back to someone who cheated on you:
When you break up with someone and then get back together again, you must realize that you both are not the same people that you were before. You must realize that no matter how much time has gone by, no matter how many words have been exchanged, you both have changed, and what was once an intertwined identity is now separated. The break that you both have endured has caused you to go your own way. So, if you honestly believe that you can forgive them and start over with a clean slate and build a relationship that is better and stronger than it was before (i.e. because you’ve both grown and matured from the experience), then yes, you can feel justified in deciding to get back with your cheating ex and give the relationship another chance. However, if you don’t truly trust that answer, you will constantly catch yourself waiting for the next time they let you down. The truth is, even though you have a good reason not to want to forgive your ex for cheating on you, if you decide to get back with them, you have to be able to fully forgive them if you ever want the relationship to last.
However, through this process you will soon realize that your definition of love has changed, the way you initially trust someone has changed, and the way you view the person who cheated on you has more than changed. Sure, you can sit there and try to fight it. You can tell yourself that everything will be exactly the way it was before, that you have enough love to conquer every doubt that person has formed. But I promise you that the walls have been built and dams have been created. You have protected yourself from ever getting hurt like that again, and until you accept that and you realize that you are not the same person, all the problems that have happened in the past will multiply. They will magnify until all you want to do is leave again. If it is your truest desire to make things work, then you must understand that communication is key here. You must understand that you both need to sit and converse about the feelings that were crushed, about the trust that was broken, about the lies that were told, and the secrets that were kept.
But promise me, before you go and long for a fire that has been extinguished, consider the fact that the lost love you are dreaming about, ended for a reason. Remind yourself that shifts in your life happen for a reason. And if you are still so keen on giving your heart to the person that broke it once before, promise yourself to never fall victim to memories.
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