Updated: May 2
by Siobhan Quinn
Relationships are tricky to navigate, and they only seem to become more confusing as we add different outsiders to the mix—especially baby mamas. What should be an exclusive relationship between you and your partner may quickly become tainted by the prominence of this other woman with whom he shares a child. As much as you may wish she didn’t exist, the reality is that she is very much real—as is the baby they have together. When you decide to date someone with a baby mama, you are exposing yourself to the possibility of getting hurt. As for your new beau, you cannot control him or his decision-making—just keep that in mind.
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April Maccario, founder of Ask April, explains the importance of letting your boyfriend go and not accepting them back. If you were to let him run back to his baby mama and then run right back to you, he would be confident that you would always be available on the back burner, should returning to his baby mama ever backfire. You don’t deserve to be someone’s second option whose value and prevalence depend on another. You deserve to be prioritized and loved first and foremost, without feeling second-best to someone’s baby mama.
Maccario goes on to explain how “Letting him go might give more positive results because you can contribute to the baby [having] a complete family.” While the onus is never on you to bring peace and harmony to your (ex) boyfriend’s nuclear family, it can aid your acceptance of the situation if you think about the greater good the innocent child deserves. Plus, “being the fourth party in this kind of situation is like killing yourself slowly,” Maccario points out.
Once you’ve let your boyfriend do as he wishes without begging or letting him back into your life, you can finally begin the process of healing from the hurt you’ve been dealt. Jaquetta T Ragland, owner of Stay at Home Mom Community, explained that the father of her 15-year-old child ended up marrying his children’s mother. When she was suffering immensely from the after-effects of his decision, she says counseling was instrumental in her healing journey. “I recommend talking to someone about it because holding onto the pain and unforgiveness only hurts you,” Ragland writes.
She goes on to share how it’s very likely that your boyfriend is unbothered by the situation and never gives it a second thought. So, what sense is there in torturing yourself with thoughts of what could have been? As difficult as it may be to let your boyfriend go, you also have to put a committed effort into letting the situation go altogether. Accept that there is nothing you can do to change it, and you shouldn’t want to change someone who doesn’t put you first, either. By letting the situation go and investing in your sense of self-worth, you give yourself the room to heal before the right man walks into your life—ready to treat you like the priceless gem you are.
As much as it may sting at the moment, your boyfriend running back to his baby mama may be the best blessing in disguise. When someone shows you their true colors like that, you don’t waste time bargaining and trying to prove your worth—you simply let them go. You deserve a partner who is devoted to you and only you, and you give yourself the best chance at finding them by letting go of the ones who aren’t.