Updated: Dec 7, 2020
There’s a favorite story that men like to tell themselves as to why their girlfriends suddenly end the relationship, and it almost always starts with “Well she left me because of him. I should have seen it from the beginning, they were just too good of friends.” And, while I would love to hold your hand and say, “It just wasn’t meant to be…” there are a few things you must ask yourself before you go placing blame. Were they really that close or did you push her into becoming that close to him? Did they have a history before you two were a thing? How long have they known each other? Relationships are hard and things can get a bit foggy when other relationships get added into the equation, but as I always say, communication is what ultimately makes or breaks a relationship. So, if you are pondering your girlfriend’s guy friends and want to know whether it’s okay if she has them, then continue reading.
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My girlfriend has a guy friend, should I be worried?
The answer is: it depends. If you know, without a doubt, that your girlfriend is a woman of good character who is loyal and respects the relationship that you two have built, then no, there is no cause for worry. It’s completely normal, and healthy, for both of you to have friendships – both male and female – outside of the relationship. The truth is, there will be circumstances that arise between the two of you and having someone to vent to about everything is healthy – even if that someone is of the opposite gender. I can certainly attest to feeling the pings of jealousy when this happens, but you must remind yourself that it’s better for the relationship if both of you are cooled down before confronting certain issues.
However, if she has given you a reason to doubt her character – if she’s cheated on you prior – there could be underlying issues within your relationship and since the subconscious brain works in many mysterious ways, she might just be trying to find her way out. Having been through this myself, there comes a time when people simply outgrow each other, and the nature of the relationship must come to an end. If she cares too much for you and cannot bring herself to confronting you directly, chances are she will look for ways to sabotage the relationship.
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Of course, the simple answer is to immediately cast blame. However, to best answer this question, it’s important to look at where it stemmed from.
Nailing down what’s really going on in the relationship.
If your girlfriend having guyfriends is causing you such trouble, then there is probably a really good reason as to why this is happening and most of the time it can boil down to two things:
He is feeling jealous and insecure.
He has noticed that the relationship is no longer the way it used to be and he’s worried that she’s going to break up with him.
Being jealous and insecure in a relationship can lead to negative behaviors, such as becoming needy or clingy – both of which can become emotionally draining and cause the other to seek attention from someone else. The truth is, women don’t want to be stuck in a relationship with a clingy or needy guy. And while the other guy may not want anything to do with sleeping with your girlfriend, you should ask yourself these three questions before making something small into something big.
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How did she respond when you asked her about him?
Did she act defensive, call you names or call out your jealousy? If she thought you were jealous, did she try to make you feel safe and secure about the situation or did she get upset with you? If she got upset and turned the situation back on you, then chances are she is showing some narcissistic behavior, and something is up. However, if she didn’t immediately lash out at you and showed genuine interest in the thing that bothered you, then reassured you that nothing was going on, then you can certainly take her word for it.
Did she tell you about him or did you find out about him yourself?
How did you find out about him and the relationship they have? Did you randomly see his name scroll across her phone when she got a new text, or have you met this guy? If you two are in a pretty close relationship, then both of you should know about the other’s friends.
Why does she talk to him?
Usually, there is a reason why the friendship blossomed in the first place. Is it a newer friendship or have they known each other for a long time? Sometimes girls like guys because they’re less dramatic to deal with. Perhaps, the male friend may have been around for important things that no one else was, such as family deaths or other traumatic events.
At the end of the day, if your girlfriend genuinely loves you and cares deeply about you, she will understand your skepticism and will provide comfort on difficult subjects like this. Talk things over with her, because when you incorporate communication in your relationship, the bond you two share will become stronger.
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