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Why Am I Single?

by Lisa K. Stephenson

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Sometimes it feels like the world is just plain old out to get you. You’re sitting indoors on a Friday, Saturday, and SUNDAY night pondering the inevitable, is there something wrong with me?

The short answer is no, the long answer is, well…maybe. The decisions you’ve made leading up to this moment are the reasons you’re single and spending way more intimate moments with your bed than you should be. Whether or not you’re single by choice or just single because you feel unwanted, the real question is, are you dating outside of your type? Your dating life is 100% in your control and only you can change this outcome. If falling in love, getting engaged, having children are all on your bucket list but when you outstretch your arms seems almost too far to grab hold of, the problem starts from within.

It’s important for women to understand that having her independence is key before looking to enter into a new relationship, but are you perhaps a little too independent?

“A woman who acts like she can do everything will get stuck doing everything!” – Sherry Argov

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Most men can quickly assess a situation, scoping things out; from a woman’s ambitious nature to her high or low sense of value. Knowing these things can help him to determine if he is a need or a want in this union. Men want to feel needed so no matter how much you have it together, it’s time to pull some things apart. Compromising and having a willingness to make adjustments to your already seemingly perfect life is what is needed to move the needle on your singledom. If you’re not willing to call on him when the pipe in your home is broken or ask him for assistance in any way, then you’re not ready for what a real man can offer.

Spending too much time at home

How can anyone find you to date you if you’re never outside or those looking for love just as you are don’t have access to you? It’s okay to join a dating app or two, think of it as online shopping for a mate, especially now during quarantine, it’s the perfect time to meet a new beau and discuss your hobbies. You can swipe, try him out (as you would a new dress) and if it’s not a good fit, continue swiping (return it). It’s as simple as that and remember, keep the conversation light. We know you’re trying to get into a relationship but no man wants to be forced into one.

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Case of the ex

Alright, now is the time for complete honesty. Have you tried contacting your ex? Still seeking closure from an ex or have you wholeheartedly moved on from him or her? If you’re still hung up on your ex then you’re subconsciously preventing yourself from finding love. This can also tie into your confidence; your self-esteem may have taken a huge nosedive during your interaction with your last partner making you feel unwanted or desired. This means it is difficult for you to find another partner because your confidence is still with your ex. You are enough. Reclaim your confidence and no, not a false sense of self or high-value, but real confidence. How do you do that?

One way to regain your confidence is to acknowledge all past failures. Your last relationship failed, you have to come to terms with this, accepting the outcome. Maybe there were lessons learned throughout your time with him or her, it’s time to apply those lessons and never forget why this person taught you so much, whether good, bad, or ugly.

Remember, the people in our lives are reason, season, or lifetime. Your ex wasn’t a lifetime. So, take what you can from that situation, and if you were not a good girlfriend or had issues with communication, work on that. Become a better version of yourself and share this new you with someone special.

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Standards and expectations in relationships:

This is important. Meticulously searching for a man who checks off every box on your list is synonymous to the scientist checking the boxes to ensure the functionality of the robot they’ve created. Nobody is perfect.

You’ve seen this in movies…

We hope you’re not looking for a robot. Make a list of the things you want in a mate. Maybe you want someone who is family-oriented, thoughtful, intellectual, and so on. But keep in mind, the standards you set for your partner should not be one-sided, he or she should feel they can expect the same from you or some of the things you’re asking them to bring the table. Once you have said list, head out to find specifically what you’re looking for, once you’ve found him or her, reduce the expectations. See this is where the problems exist, as soon as we find the person who meets our standards, we tend to push them away with our super high demands and expectations. Relax.

Take it slowly, neither of you are obligated to one another, the most important thing is that there is attraction, consistency and you are both on the same page as far your future is concerned. But there is no need to rush. Give yourself time to learn as much as you can about this newfound stranger, enjoy them for who they are, and take it from there.

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We hope this article helped! If so, drop a comment below and let us know how your singledom journey is panning out.

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