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When to Text A Guy After Sleeping With Him

by Danielle Wright

Believe it or not, this question is quite common these days because situationships have become normalized.

We live in a generation where it is okay to cohabitate with someone, or impregnate someone but not claim them as a significant other (i.e. a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband). I may get a lot of heat for this, but my theory is that this happened because men took feminism and flipped it on its head.


Now that many women are making more money and finding their passions and pursuing their goals a lot earlier than men, most hyperfeminine men are feeling intimidated. No longer finding it prudent to provide for a woman, let alone make her his girlfriend. And in some cases—the majority—if the man does decide this, will request a 50/50 split of the responsibilities. We wanted equality, right?

A situationship is designed to get the most out of a woman while putting little to no responsibilities on the man. Women will be giving themselves sexually, emotionally and mentally to their partner while perhaps getting a bottle of wine or a cheap date in return. He will not be your safe place and this will be done on purpose.


You cannot call him if there is a problem because he will establish early on that he is not a problem solver…for you. Ever presented a man with a problem and his response is, “Damn, that’s crazy!” Instead of, “What do you need me to do or how can I fix it?” Well, there goes your answer.


Most women continue to find themselves in this position questioning their next move after sex due to this confusion and instability. You would not be wondering what you should text him after sex, let alone if you should text him at all because he would be up and communicating with you beforehand.


I know men who have gotten up early just to send a woman a text and then go back to sleep. He did this because he wanted to make sure the woman knew he was not playing games and genuinely had an interest in her.


Men are very much aware of how a woman’s mind can wander. They love it, actually. Masculine men are so infatuated with a woman’s ability to rest in her femininity that many will reward her for it—communicate first because he knows if he says nothing he will never hear from her again. If you think sending him a text is going to annoy him, it is most likely because that is the tone he has set for your “relationship” with him.

He has not rewarded you for your femininity, he’s rewarding you for being in your masculine—aka texting and communicating first. You need to run, not walk away from this man. This is a sure sign that he is not genuinely interested and is keeping his options open.


I know, maybe you clicked on this article hoping that I would give you a list of responses you could use at this very moment, but if I did that I would only be encouraging a cycle we so desperately need to end. Women should not be chasing men, especially after sex! Think back to the time you two spent together, what was the dynamic like? Did you pick up on any signs that he wants to sleep with you? For example:

  • He avoids conversations or questions about his plans.

  • He is only interested in seeing you when it's convenient for him.

  • When asked about his take on relationships, he is unsure or just wants to go with the flow.

  • He turns every conversation into something about sex.

  • Dates are indoors.

  • He never calls.

Make no mistake, women have needs, too and it is perfectly fine to simply want a man just for sex. The problem with this is that many women will enter into this dynamic with hopes of turning it into something serious.

Related articles: What is Self-Abandonment?


Here is what you need to do, stop prematurely sleeping with men who you are attracted to or who check off every box on your list. If you MUST have sex, find a man who is okay to look at and can get from point A to B without you having to pick him up; use him as you date and search for your husband.


It takes a man at least three months to decide if he wants to commit to a woman and to be honest, even that is too long. All of my past relationships began three weeks in, I was not wasting my time. But this isn’t the case for everyone and I get that. So, what do you do? You either get comfortable with masturbating or you find a man and use him to get your needs met.


Surprisingly, that man you’re using will fall in love faster than the guy you like because you’ll probably ignore him to focus on the person you want. If you can do it, then best believe a man can, too. This is almost always the reason some women find themselves chasing a man, it’s because he’s chasing someone else. The person who shows the least amount of interest.


It's human nature to want what we cannot have and it’s feminine energy to remain unattainable, mysterious and always keeping a man on his toes. Once he feels he no longer has to work hard at keeping you happy, he will surely no longer prioritize you. Sex is not the issue here, how you are perceived as a woman, is. How he perceives you before the sex is what counts. Sex is just sex to men.


If you can capture his mind before laying down together then the timing is not significant. Most men want women who are not easily accessible. This could be something as simple as you not responding to his texts and only answering him when he calls, or making it impossible for him to DM you on social media. In his mind, if he has to work hard then everybody has to work hard and if he pursues you and captures you, he’s the winner.


Do not escape your femininity for any man. Stand firm in it. If he does not call you after sex, that is a HIM problem and you should consider moving on. Do not text or call that man!

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