The Carrie Bradshaw Effect: Why Women Absorb Their Partner’s Aesthetic More Than Men Do
It recently started snowing here in New York City, and as always, I found myself revisiting Sex and the City. I first got into the show during undergrad, and the older I become, the more I notice details that were easy to miss back then. In Season 3, Carrie dates the politician Bill Kelley, and her fashion aesthetic shifts noticeably. Many fans have also pointed out that in the films, after she and Mr. Big fail to make it down the aisle at their opulent wedding, Carrie dyes her hair brunette, which closely resembles the hair color of John’s first wife, Barbara and second wife, Natasha.
So what is it about women like Carrie Bradshaw altering their aesthetic to complement the men in their lives at the time? With Aidan, her hair was bigger and her style leaned more hippie-coded. With the Russian, we saw her in dramatic dresses and skirts that aligned with his persona and artistic world. Mr. Big’s allure was rooted in his mystery, which coincided with Carrie dressing far sexier. The Naked Dress, for example, and the emphasis on exposed skin felt overtly feminine and seductive. What we witnessed was not just a masterclass in styling by Patricia Field, but a visual representation of identity mirroring within relationships.
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Identity mirroring refers to adjusting one’s appearance, behaviors, values, or lifestyle to align with a romantic partner. Clothing is often the most visible expression of this shift. In relationships, especially high-profile ones, style becomes a form of relational signaling. Sharon Osbourne’s move toward darker, gothic aesthetics alongside Ozzy, Kourtney Kardashian’s punk-leaning transformation during her relationship with Travis Barker, and Michèle Lamy embodying Rick Owens’ extreme visual world all follow this pattern. The same can be said for JT and Lil Uzi.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West also belong in this conversation. Kim’s fashion identity was heavily influenced by West, whose image carried immense cultural power, artistic authority, and public recognition. In this case, appearance-based code-switching came easily for Kim and, by extension, her family. While the term “code-switching” is traditionally used to describe shifts in language or behavior across social environments, some sociologists apply it to fashion as well. A woman may code-switch her wardrobe to fit the subculture, social class, or creative world of her partner. For women, however, this adaptation often extends beyond clothing.
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MATE SIGNALING is a concept rooted in evolutionary psychology and behavioral ecology. It refers to the ways individuals consciously or unconsciously signal desirability, compatibility, status, values, or availability to potential partners. These signals can be biological, behavioral, social, or symbolic, and fashion remains one of the most powerful symbolic mate signals humans use. Unlike animals, humans operate within complex social systems, which means mate signaling is deeply intertwined with culture, class, and identity.
When we see women altering their style to match their partner’s aesthetic, it is often an unconscious form of mate signaling, not imitation for vanity’s sake. “Boyfriend air,” a popular term coined on TikTok, describes how women are often perceived as letting their appearance go once they are in relationships. They stop getting their hair or nails done, stop dressing up, and stop putting in the effort they once did. This shift can often be linked to the perception that the men they are dating hold more power in the relationship. Adopting a partner’s aesthetic, even if it is as simple as an oversized shirt and boy shorts, communicates, “I belong in your world.”
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That world can be low vibrational or high vibrational, but fashion choices signal which one is being put on display. In my past relationships, I noticed that the men in my life often altered their fashion choices to match mine. I was the girlfriend who dressed up, wore unusual pieces, and sparked conversation through style. My partners admired this, and many still do. In most cases, the partner whose style is adopted tends to be the one holding more power in the relationship.
This leads into costly signaling theory, developed by Amotz Zahavi, which suggests that signals are more trustworthy when they require a cost, whether that cost is time, money, or effort. For humans, fashion that demands effort, discomfort, or exclusivity often signals higher mate value. Designer clothing, niche aesthetics, or dramatic style shifts all fall into this category. Beyoncé and Jay-Z fit easily into this framework, as they are frequently photographed together in tailored, high-end designer looks. Beyond fashion, their restraint around media exposure reinforces the same message. Their style alignment and limited public commentary signal, “We are a unit” and “We are invested in one another.” This matters socially, not just romantically. Couple aesthetics like theirs often function as public declarations of attachment and serve as a mate retention strategy.
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MATE RETENTION reduces perceived competition, reinforces exclusivity, and maintains desirability within a relationship. It signals, “We are aligned, and neither of us is easily replaced.” Beyoncé and Jay-Z have communicated this to the public without verbal declarations or public interviews. There is no need for a podcast confession or dramatic proclamation. They dress together, appear together, and their mate signaling through imagery is loud enough. Notably, the evolution of their shared aesthetic intensified after infidelity entered the narrative. What we often label as a style change is, in reality, a form of mate signaling, an unconscious language women use to communicate belonging, compatibility, and commitment in relationships where aesthetic alignment carries social weight.
To conclude, the question many women should be asking themselves is, “Does the man I’m with have an aesthetic worth adapting?” Perhaps the answer is yes, and you end up with boyfriend air. Or perhaps the answer is yes, and you find yourself in tailored, high-end designer clothing. The choice is yours. If the answer is no, it is often the partner who shifts instead, adapting his style to become more compatible with hers. Rihanna and A$AP Rocky are a clear example. She has toned down her media presence, while he has adopted elements of her fashion persona and elevated his own visibility. This is not a loss of personal style or an act of self-abandonment. It is a public signal of partnership and a conscious redistribution of power within the relationship. Adaptive behavior is not insecurity. It is respect.
by Samara Morris
