Attract the Right Partner Without Playing Games

“I don’t chase, I attract.” You might’ve heard this phrase on girly TV shows, from TikTok witches, or your optimistic bestie navigating the dating pool. Maybe you desperately want to live by this rule, especially after dealing with men who don’t give you what you want or need. Or maybe you’re a spiritual woman just looking for a little more education on the subject. Nonetheless, I’ve got you, girl!

The Law of Attraction —while not a traditional witchcraft practice—is a universal law that involves raising your vibration to attract positive things (or people). Thoughts and feelings shape our reality. Positive thoughts can lead to positive outcomes, and the reverse is also true. Manifestation ties into this and doesn’t have to be all internal. You can manifest using a scrap of paper, by waving incense over an altar, or even by starting a Pinterest vision board.

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Let me start by saying: you shouldn’t use the Law of Attraction just to attract a man —you should use it because you want to become the best version of yourself! That said, improving yourself naturally attracts better partners (especially the right man). Good men aren’t intimidated by a high-vibrational, confident, successful woman—if anything, they’re drawn to her.

While manifestation might be the easier part of attraction, positive energy and self-love are the building blocks for raising your vibrational frequency. If you feel negative while trying to attract something positive, it may not come to fruition the way you’d like. Chasing creates anxiety; attraction creates peace. For example, if you’re constantly rereading his texts, second-guessing yourself, sending screenshots to your friends, or Googling “what does he want,” you’re in a low-vibration dynamic. You shouldn’t have to convince a man to want you—playing games only attracts partners who play games, too.

Start by rebuilding your sense of self, especially if you’ve felt disconnected from your hobbies, interests, or body. Focus on what makes you passionate and fulfilled. What do you truly desire? Think about this honestly (not just what makes you “that girl”), because loving yourself absolutely attracts someone who loves themselves, too. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and setting boundaries—even when it’s uncomfortable—can help you move with more confidence. Saying “no” is a powerful tool; people-pleasing dims your light.

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However, reinventing yourself can feel foreign—or even fake. Self-love isn’t just bubble baths and face masks; it’s self-respect, speaking kindly to yourself, and putting in the work to grow. It’s investing in yourself emotionally through therapy, journaling, and self-reflection. It’s romanticizing your life in a way that attracts a partner who shares a similarly healthy relationship with themselves. When you're feeling an energetic block, move your body—go for a walk without a destination, practice yoga, or cleanse your space—to shake it out.

Shifting your dating mindset toward gratitude and positivity might also help you attract better partners. That doesn’t mean saying “yes” to every date or sticking around when someone makes you uncomfortable. Trusting your gut and avoiding people-pleasing behavior allows you to create a sense of gratitude for the experience, even if it doesn’t work out long-term. Be open, be vulnerable, be yourself.

The Law of Attraction should never be used to justify victim-blaming. Not everything happens for a reason, and this isn’t just a mindset—it’s a practice. Many practitioners align their desires with planetary movements, moon phases, or even days of the week. Your ritual can be as detailed as a full ceremony or as simple as repeating affirmations in the mirror.

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Read his energy. Instead of overanalyzing his words, watch his behavior—energy never lies. Ask yourself: Is he curious about who you are? Does he make consistent time for you, or only when it’s convenient for him? Does he respect your boundaries? If he’s unclear or hot-and-cold, he may not even know what he wants—and that’s not your burden to carry. The right man will be drawn to your soul, not just your looks. If you ask him what he’s looking for and he gets offended, take that as your answer. Your intuition is a spiritual tool—don’t ignore it.

At first, it can be hard to recognize energetic red and green flags. One of the most obvious red flags is confusing communication—when someone says, “I’m not ready for anything serious,” yet continues to string you along with the hope of something more. Don’t fall for the situationship—that’s low-vibrational men trying to take your love and energy. It can be just as easy to fall for love-bombing early on, only for him to pull away once you open up or seek something deeper than a surface-level connection. That’s not your fault—it’s manipulation.

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The Law of Attraction helps you trust your intuition, not override it. You don’t have to justify poor behavior with “potential.” The right man will already be ready to match your energy. If his intentions are clear, you don’t feel anxious around him, his actions align with his words, and he respects your physical and emotional boundaries—those are green flags. It might sound like the bare minimum, but you’d be surprised how many men simply don’t operate at that level.

Also, don’t confuse a situationship with a real, mutually beneficial relationship. Situationships—or “dating” someone who doesn’t know what he wants—are often rooted in obsession. If a guy is meant for you, it won’t require you to feel crazy or grasp for control. That said, detachment doesn’t mean apathy. Feeling secure in yourself means knowing you’ll be okay—single or not. Don’t ask, “When will I meet him?” Instead, ask, “Who am I becoming while I wait?” The Law of Attraction works best when you focus on the feeling of trust and connection. Be inspired by love and take aligned action.

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Real talk: the Law of Attraction isn’t a cure-all. You don’t manifest toxic men—you were taught to tolerate and “mother” them. Your worth isn’t determined by how “high-vibe” you are at every moment. Sometimes, shit just happens. Don’t be hard on yourself if you feel like you’re attracting the wrong men while stressed. This should empower you, not shame you.

And yes, it’s okay to want love even if you’re not fully in love with yourself yet. We are all works in progress. You won’t love yourself every day, and that’s okay. Don’t set such an unrealistic goal—it’ll only hurt you more. It’s still safe to believe in love, even if you’ve been hurt before. Do not shrink, chase, or guess. Attract love that aligns with your truth. Let love come to you by becoming the person you love being.

by Ky Tanella