When a Guy is Not Sure About You...
We hate to admit it to ourselves—that dreadful truth: “He doesn’t like me the way I like him.” I learned a long time ago that men are never truly confused. A “confused” man is simply a man with options. While some situations differ, there are a few truths you can count on.
If an ex unblocks you on social media and starts trying to get back into your good graces, chances are, he’s looking to get back into your bed—not your heart. If an ex left you for someone else but comes back with all sorts of “confusion,” it’s likely because the person they left you for won’t tolerate their nonsense. Always believe a man’s actions the first time and don’t make excuses for them. A consistent man will remain consistent, while a man who isn’t showing up for you now won’t suddenly change later. Men are fully aware of their actions and have already weighed the consequences, ultimately choosing what suits their needs.
You might wonder: What can I do to persuade him? How can I guide him lovingly into my arms? Well, for starters—wake up! You’re dreaming again.
HOW TO TELL IF A GUY IS CONFUSED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU
Sometimes, when we’re dating, we hastily start fantasizing about our future with someone new. This can lead to neediness and clingy behavior, which often pushes them away. If a man is truly confused, he’s likely weighing his options, uninterested in a relationship—or simply not interested in a relationship with you.
Whatever his vision of an ideal relationship may be, right now, you don’t meet it. Maybe you never will. But there’s a way to shift this dynamic to work in your favor: friendship.
WHY FRIENDSHIP?
A single man—whether newly single or single for years—is rarely excited about losing his freedom or adjusting his masculinity for a relationship. He wants to hold onto his independence for as long as possible. His sense of identity and autonomy is more important to him than the union you’re offering. Sex? Sure. A relationship? Forget it!
This raises an important question: Why are you ready for a relationship? In my seminar The Independent Millennial Woman, I address how women often lose themselves in relationships, placing the value of a man above their own. Women should feel complete and confident while single. Otherwise, we fall into the dreaded “What are we?” conversation, which seldom ends well.
Let the man lead. Let him decide when the time is right for a relationship. This ensures he’s 100% sure about you, reducing the likelihood of him straying, lying, or feeling weighed down by guilt. The key to achieving this is developing a friendship.
Through this friendship, you may discover he’s not your type after all. Conversely, he might realize you’re exactly the kind of woman he wants.
DEALING WITH HOT-AND-COLD BEHAVIOR
When his feelings seem inconsistent:
- Stay calm; do not overreact.
- Avoid heavy conversations.
- Build a life of your own—continue seeing other people.
- Treat him like a friend. For instance, ask his opinion about an outfit you plan to wear on a date with someone else.
- Be the one afraid of losing your freedom.
SIGNS HE MAY BE INTERESTED
While no commitment is present, even if he does the following, it’s not worth investing too much:
- He doesn’t mention other women around you.
- He stares at you longingly.
- He volunteers to help you with household tasks.
- You share undeniable physical chemistry.
- You’ve learned each other’s love languages.
- He tries to impress you.
- No sex.
- No late-night phone calls.
- No cooking him dinner or doing his laundry.
- No spending the night at his place.
Related articles: My Ex Unblocked Me on Social Media
Related articles: My Ex Left Me for Someone Else
by Lisa K. Stephenson
