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5 Signs the 'No Contact' Rule is Working

by Kayla McCullough


Image Courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio


Maintaining the no contact rule until you see the outcome you’ve been longing for, is without a doubt one of the most painful things you will ever pull off in life. Because of the complexity of the human mind and thought process, the emotions that you will deal with will bring up a multitude of different problems – all of which will probably urge you into reaching out once again (and that’s something that cannot happen if you were to ever have this person back in your life.) So, if you’ve stuck it out and have successfully achieved staying away from him, then you’re probably thinking one thing: is this even working. The answer? Yes.

Psychology tells us that when you go cold turkey and cut off communication with someone you’ve previously shared a bond with, then the absence of the relationship, will in some way, alter their thinking process. This means, either the dumpee or dumper, will in time, miss whatever was filling the void that is now present in their lives. Psychology also tells us that the reason why the no contact rule is so painful, especially for women, is because of the way our brains are wired. On average, women seem to want to know more about what is going on inside the male counterpart’s mind. They want to get to the bottom of why things happened and, in some way, will end up blaming themselves for why the relationship belly flopped.

Related articles: Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped?

Nicky Curtis from LovePanky, went into depth as to why this happens. “Generally speaking, *again, generally*, woman will be the most emotional of the two at the start, but this will change as the no contact phase goes on. She is likely to find it harder to not contact her ex at this point. It’s also likely that a friend will need to stage an intervention and stop her from sending messages that she may otherwise regret,” she said. “It’s completely natural to want to continue talking and carry on the conversation because this is a way of maintaining the connection. Unless you really wanted the relationship to end, not speaking isn’t going to be something you’re keen to go through. It’s necessary if you want to be able to grow and learn, whether you choose to fix the relationship or not.” Having to coexist with these feelings and the questions about whether they will move on is painful, and at times very conflicting. But just know that if you stick to the method’s period of success, then that outcome is unlikely.

Researchers say, that for the no contact rule to work, and for them to not move on during that time, then you must practice a 45-60 day no contact rule. The evidence says that the time it typically takes for someone to completely move on from a relationship can be counted by dividing the overall time by two. For example, if you were together for six months, then it would take someone only three months to get over you and jump to someone else. So, if you’re currently in the no contact phase, then here are five signs that the no contact rule is indeed working.


This one might seem a bit obvious, but you must remember, they need to make a positive connection with you regarding everything. If you are receiving negative texts instead of the normal “I miss you,” then it’s probably best to stay away for a longer period.


It’s true when you start focusing more on yourself and developing a sense of awareness about what you want and need from life, then you will start to glow differently. There is nothing more attractive than confidence. So, chances are if people are hitting you up, something is different about you, and in time, your ex is sure to follow.


This might sound paradoxical because you may think that the no contact is only working if your ex reaches out to you more during the no contact period, but that’s not always the case. So yeah, while your ex reaching out to you during the no contact period is a valid sign, it’s even more compelling if they’re more responsive after the no contact time is completed. Because it shows that the no contact period primed them to miss you so much that they do not want to risk falling out of contact again, they will then do their best to be more responsive than they have ever been.


This sign will show up most when you have mutual friends after a breakup. If this occurs, then it means that your ex is still scared to reach out to you, but still thinks about you often. So, if one of your mutual friends come up to you and say that your ex has been asking about you, it means that the no contact rule is working.


I know this one might seem a bit weird, and if you are receiving all of your stuff via a box in the mail, then it might seem as if they’ve moved on. Coming from a person who was guilty of doing this exact thing, I’m here to tell you that notion is not true. This means that the purging phase has begun and their minds are swarmed by your memories.

While being dumped is no fun, there are stages of no contact for the dumper as well. We may think that because a person initiated a breakup that they simply do not care. But more often than not, they had this planned for some time and going no contact for them is a way to get themselves back. Regardless of which side you're on, going no contact is an essential precondition to healing from a breakup or divorce.

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