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7 Reasons To Break Off An Engagement

by Kyla Cruz

Many women spend their time daydreaming of that special day—their wedding.

The day when friends and family will gather to witness you tying the knot with your best friend, lover, and partner for life. So, of course, this is a magical moment. But did you know that about 20% of weddings are called off after waiting 12-18 months before preparations begin? Strange, why would anyone want to put an end to their betrothment?

Since learning of our first cover girl—Lily Arlin’s engagement—I wanted to deep dive into this, not only because I think it’s an interesting topic to cover, but also because….well, maybe we can save someone from making a mistake they’ll later on regret.

Interestingly enough, I took a poll online asking divorced women if they would ever remarry, and below are some of their responses…

“No! 14 years and it’s over!! Having the best time and doing stuff he never liked! Life is amazing!” User: ghostly_jaded

“25-year marriage is OVER!!! AND I’M LOVING LIFE.” User: michellebradshaw23

“It’s been 1 year since I kicked him out and the divorce was finalized on 4/20 this year. I’m working on getting me back. I say I will be fully me by summer 2023.” User: candace_miller622

“14 years married, separated since the beginning of the year, and working on that divorce. So much happier. Everyone sees it, too.” User: crunchybird16

“I just filed for divorce after 23 years and I feel great. I don’t miss him at all!” User: baldwich7

It looks like its safe to say, the answer is no. However, what red flags could they have missed during their engagement that could have possibly prevented this? Sure, some women are eager to get married and will overlook just about everything to make it down the aisle. But as the saying goes, “The red flags you ignore now will be the reason you breakup later.”

No doubt it's engagement season, so we want to set our ladies up for success. If you’re engaged or feel it coming on, here are some things to consider or look out for to avoid having to end your engagement or worse, divorce his ass and have no regrets.

Boundaries and Family Are Questionable: We don’t choose the family we’re born into but it’s important to see the family dynamic of the person you wish to marry. Do they come from an emotionally healthy place and space? If not, it’s okay. Just be sure to encourage him to go to therapy. If at any point he refuses, then it maybe time to rethink some things.

Bad Communication: One of the leading causes of divorce is bad communication. Misunderstandings are going to happen and perhaps they were happening before you both decided to get married, but how you handle it when it happens speaks volumes.

Are you shutting each other out? Is one person dismissive, avoidant, or making you feel like a nag? Our advice is to always have a friendship before marriage. No, don’t date a man who you know has been in love with you since High School and then professed his love…more on that another time. Rather, make sure that you and your fiancé have things in common, can have fun together, and are a reflection of one another. Having this type of relationship will make it easier to communicate those uneasy thoughts and reach calmer waters faster and without havoc.

Money: Well, this is the number one leading cause of divorce you know. The average cost for a wedding is anywhere from $20,000 - $50,000 depending on where you live. That is unnecessary debt to enter into a marriage with…first, you may want to consider eloping or heading down to the justice of the peace. Even if you can “afford” it, why would you want to pay for something like that when that money can go towards your new home, furniture, fixtures, and even planning for your family?

If your partner is stressed about finances and cannot pay for the wedding or begins asking for loans etc., this is a red flag and may be a reason to call off the engagement if they refuse to seek other options. We know, it seems small enough now, but what you can take away from this is that your person is bad with money. More than likely once you’re married this will not change. In fact, it may become worse. Don’t find yourself being a statistic.

The Past: Too many times have I heard horror stories where a woman rushed to marry her boyfriend only to find out he was still in communication with his ex. This stings. Engagements are great, but it doesn’t technically solidify anything. Your person could very well still be in touch with a person from their past and think about them often.

If you have any inclination toward this, leave. More times than not you’re just a second choice, a placeholder and he/she will leave you the moment the person they REALLY want becomes available. This can happen whether you are married or not.

No Love: Ever heard of growing to love someone? This can happen when we’ve decided to date outside of our type because we want to get married and have our happily ever after. Nothing is wrong with this, but remember, growing to love someone does not come without its setbacks. You may find yourself easily annoyed with them, emotionally cheating, or worse, physically cheating.

Related articles: Shacking Up Before Marriage

Telling yourself that you’re in love only to check off a box on your life list is selfish and unhealthy. When you truly love someone not only are you attracted to them, but you are also emotionally dependent on them, you share similar interests and values and you bask in the idea of spending the rest of your lives together. If you’re second-guessing this connection, don’t get married.

Compromise: When planning for your special day your partner may want red flowers, you may want white. It’s okay to have disagreements from time to time but if it's happening often and your partner is growing increasingly annoyed, then it’s time to reevaluate.

Intuition: Don’t ignore that gut feeling. Ask yourself, “Why am I getting married? Who am I getting married for? Can I really see myself spending the rest of my life with this person? Is this my best friend?” Your intuition does not lie.

Marriage is beautiful just like children are a blessing. But depending on who you share these things with it can become a living nightmare. This is your life, take control, and don’t be afraid to do what is best for you. Make your inner child proud.


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