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How to Deal With Being Cheated On...

by Lisa K. Stephenson

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

As luck would have it, 2020 had something for me…a ghost from my past or should I say, an evil entity. Many of you may have read my 2017 release entitled Covenant where I introduced Eric, telling the story of, my boyfriend got another girl pregnant while we were together. Initially, I had no intention of writing this story, but when he nonchalantly and maliciously told me he was sick of hearing me harp and cry about this sad Bronx story, rightfully so, I had no choice. Now I am continuing to grow as each passing year there is more to this diabolical tale in need of unraveling, helping me to further understand that I was never the problem. While he was out fulfilling his lust-filled demon, I learned that men like this cannot appreciate and operate at the higher frequency they were created to be in...


A real queen—you and me—cannot be appreciated by men like Eric because they are simply incapable and lack the willpower and insight to ever be such a man deserving of the title, King. Selfish desire will forever be his downfall; true strength does not lie in dumbbells and shooting up clubs, true strength is discipline and honoring the commitments you’ve made. You want to forgive a cheater, but first, you must understand that he is operating at too low of a frequency for that to happen without much hard work!


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HOW TO KNOW IF HE IS SORRY FOR CHEATING

There may be tons of books on how to get past cheating in a relationship, but where is the book about forgiving a cheater that fathers a child on you, flaunts it in your face, and attempts to keep you cached from the new life he’s created for himself? “I love my TWO!” he screams, making it forcibly known that there are two to which he adores and wants nothing more outside of them. But how these two generated is nothing short of recklessness and a level of slackness only to be described best as a living breathing nightmare. Make no mistake, children are a blessing, but deceiving, lying, and cheating your way into creating them is where the condemnation lies. You’re left with this emotional residue and nowhere to put it, you aren’t confused, you’re growing bitter and remain in denial because you find these places to be safe.


If he wanted to be honest with you, he would not have lied for nine months, he is therefore not trustworthy. In my case, despite many conversations of wanting a life together he goes and rents a home for the side chick turned girlfriend, a hard pill to swallow because at that moment I learned, if he wanted a home with me, he would have gotten one. They don’t come back because they’ve realized their mistake, no, it’s because they can after giving everything you wanted to another woman.


Think of all the spirits your body has now become entangled with, before you can look to forgive, you have to detox. Perhaps you’re grumpier, sadder, your vitality leaving you, this could be due to having too many energies due to his selfishness. A person who has cheated has already proven they do not respect you and therefore take you for granted.


“A man chooses a great woman as part of a spiritual journey to bump to a higher level, a great woman is an inspiration. If a man chooses a lesser woman it’s because he does not want to do the work required to shift his consciousness into being a great man. You can always see the character of the man by the woman he chooses.” – Anonymous


Have you ever wondered why when a man cheats, he cheats down? I did and then I read that quote. Women set the standards for what we allow, if you wish to forgive a man for cheating on you and he refuses to do the hard work, then he is operating at too low of a frequency and will therefore always choose the path of least resistance. Do not ever make a man like this make you feel like you are too hard to love when he is weak and cowardly.


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WHY DO CHEATERS GET ANGRY WHEN CAUGHT?

Remember earlier on when I said my cheating ex angrily told me he was sick of hearing my sad Bronx story…well, this was after I spent days berating him for his lack of effort, remorse, or compassion for the things he had done. So, why was he shifting blame and lacking patience? “It’s the deceitful manipulators and the dishonest storytellers who blame other people for being deceitful and dishonest…liars and cheaters like to pretend it never happened.” Therapist Kurt Smith says, “How men and women cheat is by dealing with the reality that they’ve hurt another by denying it. You don’t have to deal with something that is not a reality to you.” So why does he flaunt his children? Because he’s managed to convince himself that the way he went about creating them never happened as such, aka, it wasn’t as bad as I make it seem, so why should he take accountability? Why haven’t I yet, “gotten over it”? Mr. Smith further explains, “Liars and cheaters rewrite history. After denying the truth, warping it becomes way too easy. By removing something terrible from their memory, liars and cheaters can create their version of reality.” So, to the girl asking whether or not he’s sorry, whether he feels guilty, whether he feels remorse, the truth may be shocking as he can’t feel these things if his reality does not align with yours. To him, you’re just a nag, you’re complaining about a pseudo-realism he’s already forgotten making you the problem, he can avoid responsibility this way while making his behavior seem right.


Have you ever been told, “It’s you! You’re the reason we can’t move forward!” From a cheater who has yet to take accountability, has managed to rewrite history, and shows no remorse? Well, here’s the reason, “They start to convince themselves you really did screw them over, you really were the person who fucked up the relationship—and they suffered as a result. It’s easy for liars and cheaters to get absorbed in their fabricated universes. In their world, they did nothing wrong and you did everything wrong.”


BEING ASSERTIVE

Assertiveness comes from giving a person good reason for your position: if you’re emotional or angry, do not succumb to a liar’s manipulation to keep you at bay. You have given them good reasons for your position and if they don’t like them then they can and should present better evidence to the contrary. Many of them cannot. Ask that they show you the benefits of their position. If a cheater asks to be forgiven or requests a place in your life, say, “How will your presence in my life benefit me?” They should respond by reassuring you that you have nothing to fear of them, they want to be consistent, they want to SHOW you they are apologetic and most of all, they want to earn your trust back, therefore, proving itself beneficial to you by releasing you from the hell they have placed you in.


You deal with being cheated on by accepting what has happened to you and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Your partner should be moving mountains, expressing genuine care and interest in repairing what it is that he/she has broken. “Liars and cheaters should never be forgiven. NEVER! You shouldn’t show sympathy to the person who has hurt you the most.” Dealing with being cheated on means knowing how to spot a cheater before he or she hurts you, maybe if you start noticing unusual hostile behavior, you’ll realize something else is happening beneath the surface and none of it has anything to do with you and learn to believe patterns.




2015 he says, “You’re not a priority right now,” still in a relationship with me while lacing up his boot straps to prepare for a day’s work, an expectant father to be, myself having no clue of this…


2020 he says, “I am not looking to prioritize a relationship right now…” it is my belief he is in a relationship and again, cheating. People do not change, believe what they show you the first time.

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