Updated: Sep 7
by Kayla McCullough w/ quotes from author Aesha Waks
Online dating is a weird concept to some people. In ways, there are different levels of it. In one way, I would be a white woman; I would be 23; I am employed; I’m blonde; I’m fit; I’m adventurous. Regarding being attractive, I am not insecure about who I am. If you were to couple all of that with an amazing sense of spontaneity, I am the idle fit. Nevertheless, when I log in to Tinder or Bumble, I can feel as though certain qualities aren’t enough. Am I tall enough? Is my career choice ideal? Is my skin clear enough? Wait, I have a breakout happening right now, is it still okay if I go out with this guy? Is the music I listen to okay? Etc.
Because you field questions like What do you do on your weekends, what are you looking for, have you ever had braces, what color is your hair, many can’t help but feel like modern dating has become a trap – one where you might feel underqualified to speak to a person because of the tidy bios and Instagram photos that line profiles. Tie in the complexity of having numerous matches, maintaining millions of conversations and racing to beat fate with one swipe, dating during this era has become draining. However, with COVID-19 still looming about, many are choosing timing over chemistry. So, how can we adjust and navigate through the unpredictable dating waters? In her book, Swipe: Modern Dating, Aesha Waks walks the reader through different ways that one can become acclimated to the new dating atmosphere. By scientifically graphing and charting mechanisms, she helps the reader understand the new generation and how to love in a society that has become rich in technology.
“They met online” was once a taboo topic that was whispered amongst friends, but with the advent of dating apps, it’s being sung from the treetops. With so many dating apps to choose from now, those looking for love or something casual can likely find it on an app. “No one is embarrassed about meeting online anymore,” said Aesha Waks, “it’s become a social norm. The best way to navigate through a dating site is to know exactly what you are looking for and to make sure that is being reciprocated from the other person. Social skills are extremely important when it comes to online dating. So, know how to hold their attention - all while knowing how to advance in the type of relationship you are looking for.” Waks has studied social interactions and the factors that influence the closeness of relationships. “Online dating isn’t for the faint of heart or those who can become easily discouraged. You might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince,” she says.
The idea behind online dating is not novel. People have used intermediaries such as friends or family members, to find their significant other. Online dating has the same idea, however, the only way it differs is with the layers of anonymity that are involved. “It’s a way to open doors to meet people. And the one thing the apps have is the ability to simply help you meet more people.” Here are a few tips to help your search go smoothly.
Be Selective. Many online dating apps have their raps. Some apps have a reputation for being hookup apps, while others are designed to help you connect to the same type of people who hold some of your values. Be selective with the apps you download.
Be Honest. When it comes to things like relationships, religion, desires, and goals, being honest makes it more likely that you will end up talking to the people that align with what you truly want.
Choose Recent Photos (and ones that put your best foot forward). No one likes to be catfished. Photos should accurately depict your physical appearance (in the present time) that way people can have a thorough understanding of what you would look like in person.
Be Open-Minded. There are certain aspects of a relationship you will never be able to gather from online interactions. So, try to be as open-minded as possible to an idea you’re not so sure about. Personal growth is one of the things that makes long-term relationships work.
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