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How to Date An Introvert

Signs you're dating an introvert & introvert + introvert relationship problems by Danielle Wright

Post-COVID many things changed as some people went from being social to becoming homebodies and liking it. Once upon a time, people flocked to theaters and restaurants in hopes of meeting new people, mingling, and such. Now, more than ever people are enjoying their time at home, on the couch, and swiping through dating profiles looking for their prince or princess charming.


It's rather interesting, however, because now those who were extroverted are proudly proclaiming themselves to be introverted. But let’s be real here, it simply does not work that way. You see, introversion is not something you can switch on and off like a light switch, it has to be embedded in you. COVID or not, that is who you are.

What is an introvert? An introvert is a person with qualities of a personality type known as introversion, which means that they feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas, rather than what is happening externally. They enjoy spending time with just one or two people rather than in large groups or crowds.


In dating many people have adapted this characteristic to give themselves and those around them an excuse for their nonchalant, inattentive, and unkind behaviors. The term introvert has become weaponized and is now used to mask disinterest. With this new take on the term men and women alike can garner sympathy from one person, stringing them along as they explore other options.


For example, dating a man who is active on social media, a frequent club goer, and has a plethora of friends but when he spends time with you –squeezing you into his schedule—he is shut down, boring, rolling his eyes and makes his move in little to no time. Such men when confronted about their actions will be quick to call themselves an introvert, but in reality, they are douchebags.


Introverts, unlike extroverts, need time to themselves to recharge, how much time depends on the person. But make no mistake this does not mean that he/she will want a significant amount of time apart from the person they truly care about. Introverts can thrive in environments where one other person is present, they do not desire to be alone. Rather, they desire to be among a person of interest. So if your new beau is telling you he is not spending time with you because he is an introvert, you can rest assured he is most likely lying.


Signs you’re dating an introvert can vary of course, but as you look through the list below keep in mind that those things can and oftentimes do involve at least one other person.


THEIR IDEA OF FUN IS A BIT MORE RESERVED: They may want to spend more time indoors and that is okay because more than likely they want to spend this time with you.


SILENT ARGUMENTS: Introverts hate confrontation—I know I do—so, while it may like he/she is not interested, they are. It’s simply a matter of coming up with responses in their mind before actually speaking them out loud. For most introverts it takes them a while to trust and open up to someone, so they do not take their relationships lightly. Whether this is a platonic or romantic relationship, they will attempt to understand the importance of their response allowing them to do just that versus reacting to a situation.


PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT: One of the biggest signs you’ll know you’re dating an introvert is they are very private people. If you have a special someone in your life and something goes wrong and the next thing you know they’re spreading this information around like wildfire, please know they are not an introvert. That is a person who loves attention and will do anything to garner sympathy from the people around them. In that case, the opinions of others matter more, making them extroverted.


COVID no doubt made things more convenient for the average person—bringing the theater to your home, faster food delivery, grocery shopping from your cellular phone, and more. But just because a person takes advantage of these perks does not mean they are homebodies or introverts. One of the biggest ways to know if you’re dealing with an introvert—if you are one too—is to see whether or not their actions mirror your own.


As a woman dating a man, sure, in no way are you two the same. But when it comes to planning a night out is he more excited than you are? Does he make friends quickly at the bar? What are you like on social outings? Are you happy when plans get canceled? If you see yourself in this person, then surely it can be safe to say that they too are an introvert.


A common problem that can occur however is that you may find yourself wanting to go out more since as a woman it is natural for us to want to go on dates. The romance should not stop just because you are in a relationship or you both desire your own company. This happens far too often in relationships.


Women have complained that their partners will go out with their friends but not them and claim to be introverts. As I’ve mentioned earlier, this is not true. Your partner is weaponizing the term to get away with their unfavorable behavior. Do not reward this behavior; have a talk with them and if things don’t improve, move on.

Also, be mindful of your actions when entertaining guests. Two introverts in a relationship can become overwhelmed easily at gatherings or when hosting. Be sure that you have a group of family and friends who know you well enough to support who you are as a person. When you need to recharge, you and your partner should communicate when to take turns doing so.

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