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Why is Dating So Hard

by Kimberly Perez

Do you feel like dating is becoming harder by the day—from hiding behind phones to feeling overwhelmed with choices? There are many reasons why dating is so hard. While modern dating may seem difficult, you can sleep easy knowing that you’re not alone in navigating the dating pool.

I’m not saying misery loves company, but sometimes it can feel like we just can’t catch a break in finding that special person who is just for us. So, what can you do to ease this feeling of disappointment? Read on to find out.


Our expectations are higher today because we are flooded with images of ‘relationship goals’ from TV, films, advertisements, and social media. We expect perfection and, if we don’t find it, we move on quickly. This makes dating harder because it’s common for us to look for what’s wrong with someone, instead of focusing on what’s right.

We expect an intense spark to be there from the start. If it’s not, we check out and look for someone else, because we feel it’s easy to meet someone thanks to modern technology. So, what can you do differently? Perhaps be a bit more patient and communicate your wants and needs. Remember, no one is a mind reader.


In the past we relied on chance meetings, using friends as intermediaries, and talking to a person to gain knowledge about them and thus our choices were reduced, but the intensity of our connections was greater. Now we have access to anyone in the world — literally.

We have computer algorithms that will match us based on stated preferences, we can make our physical appearance online look more flattering than our actual appearance and we have all of this at the swipe of a finger. The result is, for many, having to sift through lots and lots of ‘dating data’ to find a good, authentic fit. Moreover, because we have access to people without having to leave our homes, access to communicate our wants and desires comes without much cost.

Dating apps have left us with the impression that if the person in front of us doesn't meet our needs, there are plenty more where they came from and we can just find a new one.

“Why try so hard? Why push myself to be self-aware, vulnerable, scared, and compromising? If I can order something off of Amazon and get it within 24 to 48 hours, I can find someone who more perfectly suits my wants and needs.” says Nicole Richardson, licensed marriage and family therapist.

The result is a much more complex array of dating categories including casual sex and hookups. We simply find another individual via the internet who wants casual sex and without having to ever leave our homes we can arrange the process. There is very little investment and thus, it happens frequently.


In the not-too-distant past, obtaining a casual sex partner was a difficult bit of business, now it seems it’s the way to go for most, primarily with no strings attached. Sex is not bad for the record, it’s an amazing part of the dating process.

But often when both people are not clear about their intentions and are content to keep sleeping with each other till one of them calls it, nothing good comes of it. It leads to both parties growing more jaded about the process in general.

Back in the day, you needed the title of boyfriend or girlfriend before sex was even a thing. Now that’s no longer needed. The lines are a little harder to see. There's no need for a 'committed relationship' if a person is primarily seeking sex.

Hookups are effortless, therefore the rigors of being a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' have been eliminated. Unless you’ve both communicated what you’re looking for, tread carefully. Both being on the same page makes first-time sex amazing!


'Hookup culture' has given us mass confusion. It's made it hard to define what we're doing with a person. We find ourselves asking, 'Is this a date?', 'Are we a couple?', 'What are the rules?' 'What are the expectations?' 'Am I one of many?' 'Dare I text them first?' 'Is it OK to let them know I like them?' 'If I express a concern, will they dump me?' All this does is make us overthink and when we truly speak out, we’re turned into red flags to the immature.

Furthermore, we develop a fear of being misunderstood. Many of us have the fear of coming out as being too pushy. Many people confuse being assertive with controlling and dominance, so we try to push back who we are to avoid scaring them off. Be who you are from the start, better to dodge the bullet and be ghosted than have to deal with all that unnecessary drama in the long run.


Mustering up any actual desire to date? Many of us are probably saying “I want a relationship. I don’t want to date—the whole meeting up, getting to know each other—the first sexual encounter, all makes me cringe,” I cannot agree more. It’s all so cringeworthy. We just don’t have the energy to go through this nonsense on a loop until we find the one. Everyone has been there, swiped a bit, matched a bit, exchanged one message, and then exhausted. *Deletes app.*

However, for the hopeless romantic who is on the lookout for a way to spruce up her appearance, here are a few of our editor’s favorite beauty brands and their top products for you to consider. Some of which are from our very own Beauty Box!


NOPA prickly pear seed oil is cold pressed, unrefined and organic for the highest concentration of vitamins, antioxidants and nutrients. The oils are rich in Vitamin E and Linoleic Acid for concentrated hydration. NOPA smooths wrinkles, repairs sun damage, soothes inflammation and stimulates collagen production, delivering the complexion you’ve always desired! Retail: $45.00

SheaMoisture Intensive Hydration Hair Mask - This Shea Moisture deep conditioning hair treatment infuses hair with a powerful dose of moisture.

Section clean, wet hair. Apply deep hair conditioner generously. Use a wide tooth comb to distribute the hair masque evenly from root to ends. Leave in for 5 minutes. Rinse thoroughly. This intensive hydration hair mask is formulated with no sulfates, no parabens, no phthalates, no mineral oil, no animal testing and no petrolatum. Retail: $11.97

ATUL Skincare's 4 in 1 Daily Treatment Skincare Set is your 4 in 1 Daily Treatment: Refreshing Facial Cleanser, Advanced Multi-Function Serum with Saffron + Sandalwood Essential Oil, Himalayan Refining Clay Mask with Saffron + Cinnamon & Refreshing Moisturizer Concentrate with Turmeric.

Retail: $250.00

Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Pore-Reducing Toner is great for combination and oily skin. Contains antioxidants and hydrating ceramides, making oily areas less noticeable and skin more even. This toner is specially formulated for use with oily skin, combination skin, enlarged pores, blemish-prone skin to balance, refine, and protect your skin.

No fragrance, no parabens, no fluff. Just effective, science-backed formulas that target any concern from wrinkles to breakouts. Retail: $22.00

SONATAP 6-in-1 skincare device is the first device that can carry up to 6 different skincare products inside its portable body and let you apply your beauty routines finger-free & germ-free at home or on the go.

Imagine having all of your skincare products fitted in the palm of your hand and being able to complete your routine anywhere while doing anything (using phones, computers or reading books) without germ or cross contamination issues – something that was not possible before with traditional skincare. Retail: $69.00

Hair & Scalp Revitalizing Spray with MHCsc™ Technology from Keracell.

How to Use: Apply product directly to the scalp onto areas of thinning hair. Move hair out of way of application to directly target roots. Depending on the size of the area to be treated, use 2-4 pump sprays. Gently massage into scalp and allow to dry. Product can be applied while hair is damp or dry. For best results, use twice daily prior to KERACELL® Stimulating Scalp Spot Treatment. Retail: $300.00



Dating has always been an anxiety-provoking experience, but two years into the pandemic, it’s normal that many people are feeling more anxious than usual. So normal, that there’s a name for it: FODA, or the Fear of Dating Again.

Here’s how to overcome FODA according to Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, “First of all, understand that it’s normal to feel nervous on a date. It’s likely the other person is feeling the same way. You can break the ice by mentioning that you feel a bit out of practice.

This confession will help you relax and may even create a point of connection if your date expresses feeling the same nerves. I also recommend focusing on the other person by asking thoughtful questions and follow-ups.” Take your time getting to know someone. Many of the best connections come from the slow burn, not instant chemistry or fireworks.


At a certain age, some of us are tired of playing games when we are looking for a serious connection. We’re talking about dealing with men who don’t know how to communicate despite being 25+ years old. If you are over the age of 25, you are too old to ghost. Use some actual communication skills and say if you don’t want to see someone again/if you are not interested—it’s not that hard.

They might be well over 40 and still playing games but now just “emotionally unavailable.” Why are grown-up men so bad at communicating? This is the most common issue women face today. I understand that maybe they were never taught to be vocal about their feelings and vulnerability but it’s frustrating, nevertheless.


People don’t break up, they ghost. Imagine a world where if they liked you there would be no games. They would just come out and say it. Unfortunately, these days, dating is an explosion of misinterpretations, mixed signals, transactional bodily vices, and an overwhelming amount of options. Because of this, dating has become a little harder to wade through and only the “strong” survive.


Every song, every quote, or every sentence uttered these days when it comes to dating reeks of people trying too hard to “not care”. In terms of dating now, showing how you feel and getting vulnerable with someone is seen as a sign of weakness. The irony is that when you’re vulnerable it allows two people to truly connect, so is it truly a weakness?

The hilarious part is that those who are in complete denial refuse to show hurt, frustration, or even the smallest sign of emotion when in reality we all see right through it. (Dude, you’re scared, just admit it.) It’s sad really because there’s little to no real reward or appreciation for most people who are open and emotionally available. They on occasion get the least amount of respect when it comes to the cutthroat world of dating, all in the silly vain of “Playing It Cool”.


Technology is the funniest thing. The more advanced and easier the use of access, the lazier people get with using it. When text messaging was introduced it was referred to as instant messaging. Now, when people receive a text message they refrain from replying or opening the message too fast, waiting 30 minutes later, an hour, a few hours, or even a day to reply, and it comes down to playing the “too cool to care” game.

Sometimes the game playing isn’t even insidious but we have access to so much information people overthink things. From something that they’ve deliberated over for so long regarding when to text and what to respond. A day goes by and they completely chicken out and send nothing out of fear of being seen as careless or uninterested. And if you reply too quickly you risk the chance of being seen as “too needy” and being ghosted.

Your mother has probably told you this and I’ll be a part of your unofficial family, too. Be yourself! Wanna text 5 minutes after receiving a text? Then go ahead. Communicate how you usually do when you’re interested. If you’re being yourself and texting how you usually do they’ll know your texting style from the start.


Acne Treatment Pads from RAF FIVE

These CLEAR THE WAY pads are here to save the day. Use day or night, after a work-out or as a quick way to cleanse and help clear skin when you’re on the go. Retail: $36.00

Key Ingredients:

  • Zylorma™ Complex – A revolutionary patent-pending acne fighting complex with soothing CBD Isolate and botanicals to help combat bacteria, unclog pores and balance out sebum production to help eliminate and prevent breakouts.

  • CBD Isolate – Helps aid in suppression of acne breakouts by regulating oil production within the sebaceous glands.

  • Salicylic Acid- Is a beta hydroxy acid. It’s well-known for reducing acne by exfoliating the skin and keeping pores clear.

  • Hyaluronic Acid- Instantly hydrates and plumps skin.

  • Thiotane – Derived from mushrooms is a superior antioxidant known to help brighten skin.

  • Hydrolite – A very potent moisturizer derived from sugarcane with antibacterial properties.

  • ARG-DPG – A salt from licorice known to hydrate and brighten skin.

Viking Beauty Secrets Restorative Night Cream with Hyaluronic acid, cloudberries, and other Nordic super antioxidants is a rejuvenating overnight cream that repairs skin and helps to neutralize daily environmental damage.

Retail: $48.00

Trixsent's Frankincense Essential Oil plays a role in calming uncomfortable skin and smoothing the appearance of wrinkles and skin aging. Applying frankincense oil daily is a great way to protect your skin from potential negative effects of the sun and improve the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Rich in antioxidants and provides a feeling of relief from dry itchy skin. Retail: $29.44 CAD

Verbena Citrus Body Scrub sometimes called lemon verbena, has a zesty, sweet scent of lemon. The great joy of Verbena Citrus is the engaging lemony smell that leaps from the light green leaves of the aromatic herb. The lemon verbena essential oil is used as the bouquet in our products and will disseminate, allowing you to wear your favorite fragrance. Retail $26.00

Can't wait to try?

Samples available in our next Book Box

Retail: $30.00



News flash, they don’t exist. Humans are incredibly fallible. But in the age of abundant dating choices, one mistake could take you completely out of the game as you don’t fit someone’s misguided view of relationship perfection. Every day I scroll through Instagram with these wildly myopic views of dating.

Quotes such as: “If they don’t call you, they’re not a real person”, “You need someone who’s sexy/spiritual/exciting/rich/in shape/funny/great in bed/a great future parent”, “If a man’s not pleasing you, move on!”, “Don’t settle, you deserve the best!” These bad and misguided “self-love” quotes are everywhere and they all fail to take into account that not a single soul is perfect. No one is ever going to fulfill every single box you have and if they do at first, they’re bound to crumble on one of them.

There seems to be this constant overhanging feeling of unbridled entitlement people have about what they deserve, and it often revolves around these huge expectations with little to no concern as to what they bring to the table. People think they deserve perfection when they can’t even fathom becoming the person they feel they “deserve”. The mental strength and capacity it takes to work through things to them is merely folklore. They’d rather cut their losses and “find something new” instead of putting effort to grow with you.

Often someone is written off for such minor insignificance that in the grand scheme of things means nothing. I’ve had friends break up with women because they don’t like a certain music genre or they don’t rock climb with them enough. True story! Then after they’ve written them off they’re looking for someone just like that girl they just dumped. But this time she’s got to be good at rock climbing. This whole process is laughable.

Ah yes, what about the options? Like I said before, people legit feel like relationships are like the latest hype—a new and better one will always present itself. To some extent this is true. But true compatible relationships are not easy to come by. Having fun has become more and more important in today’s culture.

After the initial spark wears off and the routine sets in, we become frustrated, bored, and want to experience the spark again. Many people would rather start fresh than fully dive into the other phases of love. And the ease of finding someone online takes away the perceived risk of ending up alone. Ditch the teenage boy’s mindset. Don’t give up on people you could be happy with and maybe put in some effort.


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