What Is the Divorce Effect?

“Married women who share stories about their husbands on social media are the reason I no longer aspire to marry,” says one TikTok user. After doing a deep dive into this subgenre of married women who go online to share the horrific ways their partners treat them, paired with the frequent mention of the term “divorce effect” in comment sections—particularly comments like, “Like this when she divorces him so I can come back and see the divorce effect”—it got me thinking: What is the divorce effect? Why are women so often pressured into marrying young? How do telomeres play a role, and could there be a correlation with the booming anti-aging industry targeted at women?

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The “marry and reproduce young” narrative stems from pre-modern medicine, when maternal mortality rates were significantly higher. This was compounded by the fact that women’s fertility is visible and finite, while men’s fertility has long been assumed to be infinite. Social systems were therefore built around controlling women’s reproduction. It is also worth noting that the frontal lobe does not fully develop until around age 26. These ideas solidified culturally long before the emergence of genetics, epigenetics, or paternal-age research.

Based on the numerous videos I’ve seen, many of the women sharing their stories are now older and report having married young. For many, marriage followed shortly after college, with some becoming engaged while still in school. These women are now in their forties and fifties, often crying online as they recount the harmful ways their husbands have treated them. Fertility was—and still is—used as a scare tactic to push women into settling into marriage and motherhood early. To be clear, marriage and children do not inherently age women. What ages people is chronic stress without autonomy, a burden women disproportionately experience.

Invisible labor, weaponized incompetence, childbearing, lack of agency, and insufficient recovery time are just a few of the stressors often tied to motherhood and marriage. These factors are frequently responsible for women appearing far older than their years while married. Meanwhile, husbands often appear younger, leaner, better groomed, and more relaxed after marriage.

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The topic of telomeres is often missing from conversations about the dramatic physical changes women undergo when they become wives and mothers. Telomeres are protective caps at the ends of chromosomes, similar to the plastic tips on shoelaces. Each time a cell divides, telomeres shorten. When they become too short, the cell becomes dysfunctional or dies. Shortened telomeres are associated with aging, disease, and reduced cellular resilience.

Factors that accelerate telomere shortening include chronic stress, sleep deprivation, inflammation, caregiver burnout, poor diet, and lack of exercise. Factors that slow the process include physical activity, a sense of control over one’s life, strong social support, stress reduction, and adequate sleep. Because married women with children often exist in a constant caregiver role, they are more likely to experience the conditions that lead to shorter telomeres.

There is a nuanced truth when it comes to marriage, motherhood, and women’s health. A woman’s youth is often eroded by sustained stress without restoration, which is why the conditions under which women marry and parent should matter enormously. A husband isn’t just pursuing a younger assistant because he’s a cheater; it’s also because he is not experiencing the same stressors as his wife. Men often have outlets, whether it’s video games, time with friends, golfing, or spending more time at the office, where familiarity can breed attraction.

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Enter the anti-aging skincare market, designed specifically to target married women with children. She is overworked, stressed, and operating with little support, yet she is still expected to remain attractive for her husband. Women in relationships are expected to be performative for their partners, which only adds another layer of stress. “Will my husband leave me if he no longer finds me attractive?” is a question many married women eventually ask themselves.

The reality of marketing is that there are no rules. A liquor brand won’t advertise its drunk customers, and an anti-aging skincare brand won’t show chronically stressed, overworked women because the uncomfortable truth is that the industry has limits. Skincare helps, but it is not the solution. Ingredients like retinoids, vitamin C, sunscreen, and barrier-repair moisturizers can improve skin quality, but only if the internal environment allows for repair.

If the source of stress remains, women may spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars chasing ineffective solutions. Skincare does not create recovery; it amplifies it. When cortisol remains high and sleep is poor, skincare has limited impact. Your partner does not need to share in the stress. Both people need to identify what the stress is and eliminate it. For some women, that decision may be as simple as divorce. This is where the divorce effect comes in.

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The divorce effect is not an official scientific term, but it describes the post-divorce glow-up many women experience after leaving a marriage. Divorced women often appear healthier, more vibrant, and yes, more attractive. This is not magic or a $350 serum. It is stress reduction, regained autonomy, and redirected energy. Many women experience better sleep, greater control over their time and finances, improved self-care, and better mental health, all of which lead to visible physical changes. Chronic stress is one of the strongest accelerators of aging, so removing a major stressor can produce rapid and noticeable improvements.

It’s time to stop looking at mothers and wives and thinking, “She looks older.” The reality is that she is likely under immense stress. A recent example people often discuss is Rihanna and A$AP Rocky. Since having children, Rihanna appears more tired and drained, but these changes can be attributed to having multiple pregnancies in a short period of time. Even with a supportive partner, invisible stressors such as postpartum anxiety can still exist.

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When collagen and elastin break down, dull skin, fine lines, under-eye hollowness, and weight redistribution can occur. Is this permanent? No. Some women experience a glow-up while remaining in their relationships. Others only experience it after leaving. There is no one-size-fits-all outcome. That said, for wives who regularly share the problems in their marriages online for public judgment and critique, it’s worth considering that this behavior adds to their own physical stress. It is optional and, in many cases, should be reconsidered, especially if leaving the relationship is not the goal.

by Danielle Wright