The Orange Peel Theory: How to Ignore an Emotionally Unavailable Man

It’s viral, we know, but what is it exactly? The Orange Peel Theory has TikTok creators taking viewers behind the scenes of their relationships. While this is not a real psychological theory, it is a simple test of care and effort within a relationship. When I first saw this trend going viral, it made me think of SSM’s Solo Love Codes, specifically The Soft Power Code. There are five codes coined by our publication, and this one focuses on emotional ease and feminine presence.

Women who align with the Soft Power Code attract men who provide safety, stability, and leadership. When it comes to patterns, she values peace over passion, choosing a love that is steady rather than chaotic. She is often drawn to Earth signs such as Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. Both the Orange Peel Theory and the Soft Power Code share one key element: willingness. If you ask your partner to do something small and mildly inconvenient, like peeling an orange for you, their response can reveal how they feel about you. It is not about the orange. It is about leadership and willingness.

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Dating has become so complex that many of us have turned to small “tests” to determine whether the person we are seeing actually likes us. Whether it is the chair theory, the bird test, or the Orange Peel Theory, these ideas are often used to help women assess whether they are in a happy, healthy, and stable relationship. The truth, however, may be difficult to hear. The only real way to know if you are with a man who genuinely likes you is to recognize the signs of emotional availability.

Men can wear masks. These masks are often how they gain access to a woman’s attention, her life, and sometimes her body. Once that phase is over, many women are left questioning themselves. Was I good enough? When should I text him now that we have been intimate? The questions can feel endless. But ladies, dating should be rooted in two things: your Solo Love Code and your love language. Once you understand how men can present a false sense of maturity, and how to identify emotional unavailability, it is important to check in with yourself. Get to know who you are so that you can enter the dating world with confidence and clarity.

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HE LABELS EVERYTHING AS “TOO MUCH.”
The reality is simple. Relationships are hard. Dating is hard. Being single and feeling lonely can also be hard. We all have to choose which challenges we are willing to face. If a man describes you as “too much” simply because you are addressing behaviors that cross your boundaries or do not align with your expectations, he is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship. He is looking for someone who will tolerate his behavior, not a partner. At the same time, it is important to hold yourself accountable. You should not remain in a situation hoping to change someone who has already shown you that you are not compatible.

HE USES THERAPY LANGUAGE BUT AVOIDS ACCOUNTABILITY.
With apps like BetterHelp and the rise of self-proclaimed relationship gurus and coaches, it has become easy for men to pick up a few buzzwords and use them without understanding what they mean. You may hear terms like “triggered” or “validating,” while at the same time he is doing the exact opposite, triggering you and invalidating your feelings.

Men who rely on this language often recognize that it resonates with some women, so they use it to appear emotionally aware. A conversation can quickly shift from, “You did this and it made me upset. Can you apologize?” to “I didn’t mean to question you, I just get worried when you don’t check in.” You are not his mother. You are his partner. You cannot change his behavior, but you can advocate for yourself and address actions that do not align with your standards.

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HE DEFLECTS SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS WITH HUMOR OR LOGIC.
This behavior often stems from childhood patterns and shows up as using humor to express feelings without fully owning them. If the other person reacts negatively, he can retreat behind, “I was just kidding.” For example, he might say, “You’re always complaining. If you don’t stop, I’ll have to find a quieter woman,” followed by laughter. This is not a joke. If you become upset, he can dismiss your reaction by claiming it was humor. Take statements like this seriously. People often reveal their true thoughts in moments like these. If he is not already acting on them, he may be considering it.

HE DISAPPEARS WHEN THINGS GET REAL.
You may have experienced this yourself. Everything feels great until you share something serious, such as a family issue or a personal struggle. Suddenly, he becomes distant or disappears entirely. I once experienced this with someone I met on a dating app. We had been seeing each other for a few months, and things seemed to be going well. When I shared that a family member was ill, he stopped communicating. Weeks later, he casually reached out as if nothing had happened. Men who withdraw when conversations become serious are showing a lack of emotional maturity. They are not prepared for the realities of a relationship. More often, they want to keep things casual, and emotional depth feels like a level of commitment they are not willing to offer. Either way, this is a clear sign to move on.

HE EXPECTS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BUT DOESN’T GIVE IT.
This type of man always seems to have something going on in his life. He cannot catch a break, and he looks to you for support. You become the person he leans on, listens to him, and helps him process his challenges. However, when the situation is reversed, he is not there for you. One lesson I learned is that when someone consistently appears to be “down on their luck,” it is often a reflection of deeper patterns in their life. It is not your responsibility to carry that weight. You do not know what behavior has led them to that point, and it is not your role to fix it. Protect your energy and step away.

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HE INVALIDATES YOUR FEELINGS SUBTLY.
Not every man will immediately understand your perspective, but a man who cares will show a willingness to learn. Similar to the Orange Peel Theory, it comes down to effort. A man who consistently invalidates your feelings is not only lacking emotional maturity, he is also demonstrating selfishness. Over time, this behavior can reveal a deeper issue, where he does not fully see women as individuals with valid experiences and emotions. Do not ignore this pattern. It will not improve without effort, and that effort has to come from him.

HE AVOIDS COMMITMENT BUT STAYS ATTACHED.
This is one of the most common patterns: the man who stays in your orbit but refuses to commit. He keeps you close while making sure you never get too close. Whatever excuses he gives to keep you at arm’s length are just that, excuses. This type of man is not going to change his mind or suddenly become the partner you want. He has already decided what he is willing to give, and commitment is not part of it. The best way to handle this situation is to distance yourself completely. Even more concerning, he may not want a relationship with you, but he may still be willing to share a child with you. These men often lack the stability and responsibility required for fatherhood. You should think carefully before bringing a child into that situation.

HE KEEPS YOU AT A DISTANCE EMOTIONALLY.
Unlike the man who constantly shares his problems but does not listen to yours, this type of man shuts down entirely. He avoids vulnerability and keeps you at a distance. When a man behaves this way, the relationship has no room to grow. In some cases, he may still be emotionally tied to a previous relationship and using you as a placeholder while he processes that loss. If he is not opening up, it is often because he knows that what he is holding back could change how you see him. He may be aware that honesty could cost him access to you.

HE POSITIONS HIMSELF AS “HEALED” BUT SHOWS NO CONSISTENCY.
Everyone claims to be “healed” until it is time to show up as a reliable partner, communicator, and emotionally available man. The word “healed” is often overused by people who are still doing the work. Many people seek relationships before they have truly taken the time to understand themselves. Real growth comes from self-reflection, spending time alone, and building a strong connection with yourself before inviting someone else into your life. A truly healed man does not need to announce it. His actions speak for him. He is consistent, clear, and intentional. He shows you what you mean to him without overexplaining or making empty claims. He is grounded, aligned, and focused on building something meaningful with the right person.

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If you find yourself dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable, the solution is not to convince him to change. The solution is to change your level of access. First, stop overexplaining. If he shows signs of immaturity, let him know respectfully that you are no longer interested, then move on. Second, match his effort. Do not overinvest. When you step back, you create space for him to show up. Focus on attracting, not chasing.

Third, remove emotional access. If he is not willing to listen to you, engage in meaningful conversation, or show interest in your life, do not continue to offer that energy. If he is not asking about you, stop asking about him. Set limits for yourself and stick to them. Lastly, allow silence to do the work. This is not about punishing him. It is about respecting yourself enough to understand that someone who cannot meet your needs does not deserve access to you.

by Danielle Wright