Signs a Woman Wants to Sleep With You

There is a common misconception that if a woman has sex with a man, she will fall madly in love with him—this is far from the truth.

Perhaps she will be more attracted to him and want to spend time with him, but falling in love or catering to him and crying on his voicemail, not so much. You see, women are biologically wired differently from men. While men may fall in love with a woman’s anatomy (having sex with her), a woman will only fall in love through an emotional connection. This is why some sexless marriages or same-sex relationships where one partner prefers not to be touched can thrive.

The orgasm gap is truly what separates men and women in the bedroom. Indiana University shows the proportion of people who usually orgasm as follows: 65% of heterosexual women, 66% of bisexual women, 86% of lesbian women, 88% of bisexual men, 89% of gay men, and 95% of heterosexual men.

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Based on this data, we can conclude that for heterosexual women, sex isn’t the prize. She doesn’t stand to benefit as much when compared to her male counterpart. If there is a woman you’re dating and she’s prolonging the sex or taking her time before deciding that she is ready to be intimate, don’t take it personally. It simply means that there’s nothing for her to be excited about—the excitement is typically for you, not her.

Now, are we saying that women cannot enjoy sex? No, that is certainly not the case. Sex can be pleasurable for a woman, but releasing oxytocin during sex may help to relieve pain, potentially reduce headaches, and release more of the feel-good hormone. If her body is not associating any of this with you, then it’s safe to say she will not fall in love with you. Now that we’ve covered that, and you are hopefully looking to grow intimate with your partner for more than the possibility that she’ll be stuck to you like glue and therefore inflate your ego, here are some signs that a woman wants to sleep with you.

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OPEN COMMUNICATION: 

When a woman is confident, she will openly discuss her feelings, desires, and boundaries with her partner, showing comfort and trust in the relationship. Once this happens, she is verbally expressing to you that she is ready and it is consensual and therefore time for intimacy. Do not mistake her willingness to open up and be vulnerable as a sign that she is promiscuous.

Believe it or not, some men can make excellent lovers and terrible partners. So, while she may be recovering from a past relationship or her situation is complicated, it’s not uncommon for her to openly express her interest in engaging in intimacy either early on or sooner than you anticipated. Now, if you’re bad in bed or don’t necessarily live up to her expectations, then it’s safe to say she probably won’t revisit a sexual relationship with you, and that is okay.

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PHYSICAL AFFECTION: 

The average woman is very affectionate, clingy, and needy. Most of the time, when a woman expresses increased physical affection, such as hugging, cuddling, or holding hands, this could indicate a desire for a closer physical connection.

Many times where men tend to go wrong here is pretending not to notice these advances and waiting for her to verbally communicate her wants—but this is not attractive to her and only shows her that you cannot lead. When she’s throwing out the clues, reciprocate the gestures and slowly begin to engage in foreplay. During this time, you can gauge whether or not she is interested in going all the way. Most women, if they are not ready, will make this known during foreplay, and that is your cue to either stop or restrain yourself.

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EMOTIONAL CONNECTION: 

Women thrive here, and if you’ve managed to make her feel like you’re a safe space for her—sooner rather than later—then she will be much more open to exploring the idea of becoming intimate with you. Once she feels an emotional bond and connection, it is not uncommon for her to verbalize her wants or completely initiate it herself. How do you build an emotional connection with a woman?

Women need validation even if she appears to be the most confident or has the highest self-esteem; she wants to be validated by the person she’s attracted to—this means you. When you’re complimenting your lady, don’t overdo it and be sure to make it personal. “Baby, I love that dress on you. The flowers, the design, it’s perfect for your body.” Next, you want to show interest in her day-to-day life but not in a creepy way.

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When you ask her about her day and she tells you, be engaging, ask follow-up questions, and don’t be a conversational narcissist by bringing up your experiences when she’s openly discussing hers. Wait and form a healthy dialogue. When she’s done expressing herself and you’ve given her feedback or just been a listening ear, and you notice that the conversation is ready to shift, interject with your personal experiences. It’s important to be open and engaging simultaneously.

COMFORT AND TRUST: 

Once you’ve managed to build trust with your partner or the woman you’re dating, she will naturally want to take things to the next level. How do you build trust? This is as simple as unfollowing women on social media once you and she begin dating and you’ve come to the conclusion that she is someone you can see yourself with long-term.

Also, share photos and videos from your phone while you’re around one another; let her see that you have nothing to hide. Another common misconception is that women want men who other women want. You don’t have to be a player to get a quality woman to like you or see your value enough to want to be intimate with you. The opposite is true; placing the person you want to be intimate with in silent competition with other women is despicable and egregious, not to mention unnecessary. You’re an adult, act like it.

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INITIATING CONVERSATIONS: 

When she begins initiating conversations about intimacy, including discussing preferences, contraceptives, and mutual consent, she is showing she is considering taking that next step. Once a woman has made up her mind that she is okay with being intimate with you, she will make it known by initiating those conversations.

The problem here is most men aren’t patient and cannot wait for the woman to initiate for fear of being friend-zoned. Women do not naturally friend-zone men; it’s usually the other way around. Once you make it known to a woman that you are pursuing her, she will almost always allow you the space to do so. If you manage to not impress her enough, she will either slowly withdraw or seek ways to access your resources without reciprocation.

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There you have it, signs a woman wants to sleep with you.

by Danielle Wright & Dr. Lance Thompson, LMFT