How to Get Her Back for Good!

As Valentine’s Day nears we can’t help but wonder, are there singles out there just longing to be back with someone they once dated? If so, the question becomes does the other person feel the same way and how can we get him or her back for good this time? In this article, I am going to break down the ways that a guy can get his girlfriend back after a breakup. In another article we will dive into how a woman gets a man back after a breakup.

First things first, who broke up with who? This is important because if you’re the one who left the relationship the effort needs to be a bit different on your end. If your ex is heartbroken, sad, or resenting you for the breakup then you must approach her with caution. Maybe you had a change of heart, maybe you ended things in the heat of the moment.

One thing is for sure, you should never play with someone’s emotions. Ending a relationship is serious business and a woman can decide that maybe all along you weren’t the best thing for her, and start to see the end of this relationship as something new and wonderful for her.

Related articles: 5 Signs the 'No Contact' Rule is Working
Related articles: What If He Doesn't Contact Me During 'No Contact'

If you decided to end things, you have to go no contact but for no more than 30 days. This will show your ex-girlfriend that you’ve taken the time to give the relationship some thought, and you aren’t just a narcissist who misses her for the attention. She must feel that your actions going forward are genuine because you want her back.

Once the no contact period is over we recommend a “feeler” text. The feeler text is a simple, but effective, “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, how is (insert pet name here) doing?” Show her that you’re checking on her and that of her loved ones. This is no time for your insecurities to get the best of you, this is a moment for you to exude confidence and maturity. If she responds, perfect, if she does not, it is not the end of the world. Our tactics will simply need to change.

In the case of no response, another week of silence on your end is vital. After that, follow up with a quick text asking her to hang out. This will throw her off a bit but in a good way. You can then meet up with her and this is where things get a bit easier. If she does respond, continue the conversation, but make sure you are the one to end it!

Related articles: Why Are Heterosexual Men Failing At Sex?
Related articles: Dear Black Men: Is It Racism or Are You Just Not Respected?

Do not leave her on read, at all! Even if she says something you cannot respond to, make sure you like the comment, love it, or simply respond with “Lol”. Whatever you do, end the conversation (send the last text). This is a subtle way of letting her know that you are interested. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that texting her is all that is needed to get her back, this is not true.

After about a week of texting, you can ask her out for a meetup. This does not have to be a date, but you should be chivalrous, attentive, and confident. You want to tug on her emotions during this time by bringing up things you remember about her – small things she used to say and do. This is the moment for you to show the ex-girlfriend changes you’ve made within yourself.

If you used to be short-tempered, show her now, that you have patience and are no longer aggressive. Make her feel safe, warm, and secure. After this meetup, you should be feeling good about where you stand. You can follow up with her the next day to keep the conversation going and at this moment be sure to state your intentions. You don’t want to leave her feeling confused after having such a wonderful day/night out.

Related articles: Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?

Your intentions are simple, you are communicating with her to get her back for good. If you’ve broken up countless times due to any number of reasons it is best to let the relationship go. We do not encourage stalking or harassment. Every man and woman deserve to be treated with love and care. When you decided to end things or if she decided to end things it was for good reason and it takes a lot of self-reflecting to realize that you want to be with that person again, so don’t waste this moment.

Mentioning your intentions should not make you feel like you are being desperate or begging. It is a sign of maturity. Women are attracted to emotional strength (i.e. high self-esteem) and are turned off by weakness (i.e. neediness, insecurity, low self-esteem). Do not get it twisted, we are not telling you to ask her to be your girlfriend again, we are simply telling you to state your intentions for her so that she does not feel confused or that you are wasting her time.

Some blogs will recommend that you “make her jealous” by showing off your life and making her feel like she is missing out. It is a tactic recommended by other men to help bring her guard down. Making her feel compelled to stay in contact with you. Well, our articles are not for emotionally immature boys, we are writing this to the men out there. Do not do this.

Having high self-esteem means going about your day-to-day effortlessly, not as an attempt to make her jealous or make her feel she is missing something by not being in contact with you. The best way to get her guard down is to continue to spark her interest. Ask her on a date, plan it, and again, take this time to make her laugh and bring up things about her that you remember and adored. You want your ex-girlfriend to feel a range of positive emotions.

If you find your ex-girlfriend is being elusive it is best to minimize texting her and only make yourself available via phone call or meet up. She should understand that just because you made the first move and have been upfront with your intentions and courteous it does not give her the right to think you are desperate.

Minimizing text can also create mystery but strategically positioning yourself for those face-to-face interactions where you can show her better than you can tell her. The end goal is to have your ex-girlfriend respecting you as much as you respect her. Hold off on the guilt trip conversations or a pity party. You have one goal and you’re working towards it.

Lastly, open the door for intimacy. This is not to be rushed but meticulously planned. A few nice dates, some laughing, and pleasant banter later…it is time to take things to the next level and renew your relationship.

by Sharon Sharpe & Lisa K. Stephenson