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Dear Black Men: Is It Racism or Are You Just Not Respected?

by Danielle Wright

It all starts with a podcast mic, a sofa, a ring light, and a Nikon video camera for the world to collectively witness the downfall of a community via social media apps like Instagram and TikTok. But why does this happen?

Image Credit: Dusan Stankovic / Getty Images

Well, the truth is, the African American men who are supposed to be the heads of our community simply lack financial resources, education, an attraction to Black women, and grapple with deep insecurities, including their sexuality. It comes as a surprise that Black women are the least married group in America, yet so many Black men claim to love and respect Black women. Is it love and respect, or do Black men who earn less than $50k annually simply settle with African American women since our group has been taught to glorify struggle love?

After thorough research and discussions with college professors and politicians, I’ve learned one simple truth: It isn't racism alone; Black men are just not respected socially. Sure, racism exists, and there is absolutely nothing anyone can say or do to dispel that truth. However, the majority of the leaders in our community are not setting good, let alone great, examples of parenthood, financial stability, or civil partnership.


Microaggressions towards Black women don't only occur in the workplace but also in relationships with Black men. Many Black men, from an early age, will tear down Black women, making fun of their coily or kinky hair in school, on the playground, and among their friends whenever given the chance.

Stereotypes like "Black women are bald" still persist in 2023, continuing to be a topic of conversation among both men and women. It's so prevalent that it's become a trend on social media apps for Black women to showcase their natural hair under the wigs they wear. This trend is often spurred by Black men who refuse to believe that Black women can grow long, healthy hair past their shoulders, just like our counterparts.

Here's a recent example of a microaggression I experienced while dating an African-American man. We were driving in his car on our way to a restaurant when he brought up the topic of me dyeing my hair, to which I responded, "I have jet-black hair and have no intention of ever dyeing it. Wigs are a go-to for me if and when I choose to switch it up." He then went on to say, "I see. I mean, I see these mixed women with good hair—because you know their hair curls when they wash it and stuff—they dye their hair, and it looks so good." I was appalled, mainly because he found nothing wrong with his comment.

Image Credit: Kevin Mazur/MG23 / Contributor / Getty Images

So, I asked, "What do you consider to be 'good hair'?" He said, "Hair that curls up when you wash it. Like the type of hair mixed women have..." I should have done a tuck and roll and gotten out of his vehicle. Make no mistake, it's not because of his opinion; it's because he has a preference that I don't meet with my 4C hair. Therefore, I couldn't see the relationship developing from there.

To put it plainly, I wouldn't consider procreating with a man like this because our child would have 4C hair like their parents. If it were a girl, she might one day ask her father, "Do you think I have pretty or good hair?" And if he were to answer honestly, he would have to tell her no. This would further compound her insecurities and perpetuate this toxic cycle where Black women feel inferior to other races of women due to their hair.

The saddest and most disturbing part in all of this is that these men are not afraid to say these things out loud, in addition to speaking on 50/50 relationships and calling out Black women for having standards. How dare Black women have standards when we are bald and don't have good hair that curls when we come out of the shower? On the contrary, Black women in interracial relationships are praised for wearing their natural kinky hair, which is preferred.

Unlike the majority of African American men, men of other races are cognizant of two things: I am to be a provider and a good husband. It's not to say that quality men do not exist among Black men; it's to say that there aren't too many of them in a race that is already considered a minority. So, while some Caucasian men can be cheaters, liars, and broke, the majority of them are not because there are more of them than there are Black men.

It's easier to point out the misfits among a minority than it is among the majority. This is why it's so important for African American men to switch their perspectives and stance on relationships, marriages, and parenting. The majority of African Americans who are terrible human beings overshadow the minority of African American men who are considered quality men.


Race and stigmas, of course, play a huge role in why African-American men cannot seem to climb the corporate ladder and are usually placed in blue-collar jobs, sports, or entertainment overseen by their White male counterparts. But, do you think Black men who are on podcasts degrading the women in their community are trustworthy enough to lead or head a Fortune 500 company?

The answer is no, and your superior is aware of this; hence why Black men may not ever escape this stigma. Men who cannot be trusted to show loyalty to the women in their community who give birth to their children, have sex with them regularly, or date them cannot be trusted to oversee millions of dollars that are not theirs or have loyalty to a company they did not build. It's that simple.

Married men are the secret sauce to wealth in this country. The doors open when a man is young, married, and provides for his family. Black men are not supposed to have access to the c-suite, only the janitor's closet; hence why the music tailored to African American men speaks highly on infidelity, drugs, one-parent households, abuse, and so forth. There is, of course, a correlation there.

The African-American men with podcast mics are aiding in the downfall of our community because systemic racism laughs in the face of stupidity time and time again. White supremacy continues to reign as they watch us tear into one another instead of joining forces to build our community and the families within it. So, no, it's not racism alone... it's a lack of respect due to your gullibility in giving in to a system that is designed to keep you destitute and fighting the very thing that can change how you're perceived in this country, a quality Black woman.

I would also like to add that if you are having trouble finding a quality Black woman, it's most likely because you are not a quality Black man. Think Claire and Cliff Huxtable. Would Claire marry you?


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