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What to Do If Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship But Hiding It...

by Venus Sanders

“If you carry the bricks from your past relationship, you will end up building the same house.” – Kush and Wizdom

Learning that your ex has moved on can sting and be a hard pill to swallow. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about it besides sitting on your hands and of course, begin your healing so you can move on as well. When we stalk an ex or live in the past it is oftentimes due to miscommunication and the feeling that your relationship may be unfinished somehow. We always encourage men and women to end a relationship amicably. This way the feeling of uncertainty can go away, allowing you both the space to heal faster.

If you’re wondering why your ex is hiding their new relationship it is most likely because you want him back or you want to feel like he still has a soft spot in his heart for you. While this could be true, if you sit around waiting, stalking, or hoping for his return you will most likely make the same mistakes all over again that drove you two apart in the first place.

Each new relationship has its own personality and history, and that history is what could be the driving force on why your ex is acting this way towards you now. Most commonly, someone who never wants to see their ex again will not have an interest in showing their ex their new romantic partner. We don’t want to give you false hope—your ex-partner may be over you. If your ex is a kind person and feels guilty about how things ended between the two of you, then sure, maybe that is why he is hiding the new relationship. Either way, he wants you to stay out of his life and out of his business.

If your ex is in no contact – which you should be, too, then there is a good chance that this is why they have not revealed their new relationship. Maybe he feels like it is not your business any longer and this should help you to get the picture that he is no longer interested. Unfortunately, when a relationship ends, the responsibility to the other person ends as well.

But let’s take things a bit further…what caused the breakup in the first place? This is extremely important because in this case, maybe your ex isn’t hiding a new relationship, he could just be taking time for himself to reevaluate the relationship and his feelings. In the meantime, he is spending time with friends and this can range from men to other women. In other cases, he could be in a rebound relationship, which of course, he may have no desire to share.

The terms of the breakup do matter, despite many people saying otherwise. This is because not all breakups are permanent, some people do get back together. The problem is that we take the pain and the disappointment from the first go around and carry it into the new relationship. Maybe your ex was disrespectful towards you or maybe you did things to hurt him. Either way, the space between you is necessary for you to both grow and learn from your mistakes.

Did you know that one of the things men complain about the most in relationships is not being heard or listened to? Respect goes both ways. According to Relationship Restoration Coach, Larry Michel, “How to get a man to respect you is far easier than many make it out to be. A man will respect you if he feels he is truly being listened to. Quality listening skills are a shortfall in most relationships. To be a good listener you need two qualities:

  • Curiosity: You must be so curious that you don’t make assumptions, and if you are uncertain of someone's statement or intent it is very easy to say, “I’m curious, what exactly did you mean when you said (fill in the blank)?

  • Judgement-Free: If you are judging a person, you will never gain real respect. You will set yourself up to be treated the same way.

Our beliefs have a huge influence on how we listen because if there is a strong belief, we often listen for that belief to be validated. If you want to connect with the other person, you must suspend your belief long enough to discover what is up with the other person. This will create a connection that will last a lifetime.”

So, while other places online will list unfavorable reasons as to why your ex may be hiding their new relationship, this can simply be a moment for you to both take some much-needed space and you can work on yourself. Take this time to truly analyze your behaviors, and things you could have done that possibly led to the relationship ending. Once you’ve done that begin the work on fixing those things. This will do a few things for you:

  • Logical Reasoning: You will start to see things more logically. Giving you a chance to decide whether or not this person even deserves to be in [your] life. Maybe the breakup was a good thing and now you can start fresh with someone else. A clean slate.

  • Respect For Yourself: Maybe the respect in your relationship was lost. According to Carmel Jones, Relationship Expert, “Respect in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have someone constantly doting on you. It’s that your core values are appreciated, and your boundaries are upheld no matter what. When those boundaries are crossed, apologies or open conversation is the standard. This is what respect means in a relationship.” This is your chance to reestablish new boundaries for yourself. So, whether you and your ex get back together or not, you can do so from a safe space and a place of certainty.

  • Positive Thinking: If your ex is hiding their new relationship from you, it could be that they fear a negative response from you. Maybe if you know of this new person, they fear you will act out of control, stalk that person, speak to that person…etc. They may have a negative perception of you, that it is your responsibility to work on.

The less energy you give your ex is the more energy you can put into helping yourself become a better person, heal and move on to someone better.


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