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Masculine and Feminine Energy in Relationships

by Emily Somma

Photo by Brett Jordan from Pexels

According to American author and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, humans are born to love. In her book The Anatomy of Love, she explains that the euphoric, happy feelings we associate with romantic love are embedded deep in our brains. Love works like a drug. When we’re attracted to someone, our body produces hormones and chemicals that flood the brain and make us feel intense desire.

The downside is that as time passes, we develop tolerance to those chemicals, which is why those crazy-about-each-other feelings of passion diminish over time. This is not to say that romantic love cannot last or that human physiology predestines it to fade with time, but to open the door for us to talk about the role our core energies play in keeping passion alive. Long-lasting passion is not nearly as uncommon as we’ve been conditioned to think. Let’s take a closer look:


Sexual and romantic attraction is based on magnetism. You can think of that magnetism in the same way you think of two magnetic charges. Positive to positive repels. Negative to negative repels, too. But place the opposites of negative energy and positive energy near one another, and suddenly they pull together. Something clicks. This dynamic of polarity works the same when it comes to our masculine and feminine energies.

We all have masculine and feminine energies within us that go beyond gender. In most cases, one of these energies is dominant. Whether you are male or female, freely expressing your feelings comes from feminine energy. In contrast, a get-up-and-get-to-it attitude comes from male energy. Eastern philosophers call feminine energy Yin and masculine energy Yang. Although we don’t have a specific noun to describe what are essentially different core energies in the Western world, how we develop and express those energies plays an important role in what attracts and keeps couples together.


  • Action-oriented, followed by craving the time and space to do nothing

  • Competitive

  • Decisive

  • Direct

  • Focused on achievement

  • Linear

  • Logical

  • Productive

  • Risky

  • Sharp

  • Stillness and silence

  • Strong


  • Agreeable

  • Calm

  • Collaborative

  • Compassionate

  • Expressive

  • Flowing

  • Fluid

  • Intuitive

  • Meandering, curving and swirling,

  • Nurturing

  • Peaceful

  • Radiant

  • Soft


When magnets are drawn together, it’s because they are trying to balance or neutralize themselves. The same is true for humans.

  • Feminine energy is flexible, receiving, and surrendering

  • Masculine energy is confining, directed, and logical

If you embody strong feminine energy, you will be drawn to a partner with strong masculine energy. If you embody a lot of masculine energy, you'll need a partner with a lot of feminine energy to balance you out. The things we have in common make relationships work, but our differences make them passionate. For longevity in passion, you need to figure out what balances you and go for someone with those qualities. As long as one of you is more masculine and one of you is more feminine, there will always be sparks.


Despite the natural chemistry of attraction, our world is structured to be more masculine than feminine, which is hardly surprising given that men largely developed it. We’re taught to set goals and achieve success, which comes from masculine energy. In modern society, most women are taught the narrative that we can do everything men can do—do it bleeding, pregnant, backward, and in high heels.

Over time, what has happened to women is that to be safe in a masculine world, we learned to operate from our masculine side. Experts who have explored and studied masculine and feminine energies say this has harmed the passion and longevity in our relationships. Feminine energy cuts through the boring and logical and brings in the light, the love, joy, radiance, and vibrancy the world needs.

Our relationships also need the refreshing influence of feminine energy. If, like many women, you’ve repressed your feminine energies, learning to identify them, develop and express them can make you feel healthier and can help you find the much-needed polarity that keeps the passion alive.

To learn more about developing and expressing your feminine energy, visit the sources listed below.



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