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How to Text a Guy Without Sounding Desperate?

by Kayla McCullough

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

There comes a point in every woman's life when you incoherently fall madly head over heels for a guy. Whether it's one we've already been in a relationship with (he's titled The Guy We Should Not Text). Or, one we fantasize about being in a relationship with, the "Should I text him first? And if I do, how do I send the text without sounding desperate?" inevitably pops up. As a heads up, knowing how to text a guy might take some practice, but in the end, it's well worth it because most of them hightail it at the slightest hint of neediness and desperation. Simply put, guys do not want to be with a girl who will take away their freedom or look like a crazed stalker. Even if this is something you'd never do, appearing clingy will make him think that and drive him away; therefore, it's essential to learn the art of texting.

How to send a text without sounding desperate.

One of the first texts after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up was a lie. Yup, you heard that right – I lied my butt off. Of course, before I sent that text, I waited the prescribed time you should before making contact again – precisely 40 days.

When we broke up, I was living outside of a small, rural town in Illinois, and he was living in Washington D.C. I knew getting together again would be tough, so after I made the decision I wanted to reach out again, I sent him a text saying, "I'm going to be in the city for the weekend in a couple of weeks if you want to get together." Of course, I had no plans to fly out to Virginia anytime soon, but I wanted to see if he would take the bait and catch up. He did. We went out to dinner and had some drinks, and that was the start of a multitude of 'catch-up' dates.

Now, let's be real: Even if you have history with a guy, sending a text can be the equivalent to having a near-death experience. I mean, how can someone mask their enthusiasm and not come off as desperate? The game is tricky, but there's a method to the madness.

First, think before you speak. Meaning, think about what you would say before you send the text. There are only so many times you can text someone asking them how they are doing without looking needy or boring. Matthew Hussey, a Texting Expert from YouTube, discloses three secrets that you can use to keep him interested while talking to you. However, if your Mom is like mine, you've probably heard, "If you have nothing to say, don't say anything." And, chances are, if you genuinely have nothing to say or confess to, then what's the point? If it's not exciting or urgent, leave it – that way, you don't come off as hysterical, weird, or desperate. Trust me - Just. Don't. Do. It.


Second, before you send the text, look at the time. This is very important if you're texting a new person or your ex—because messages after 10:30 P.M. hold nothing but bad energy. I never send out an important message after 10:30 at night. If I do, it's generally for a hook-up (which is not a good idea if you want a potential relationship with them), or I lie in bed worrying about if he saw it or not and then panic for no reason – both will not give you a good night's sleep. So, to ease the hysteria and desperation, put texting him off until mid-afternoon the next day.

This next one is a bit cliché but bear with me: if you have him on Snapchat or Instagram, take a few selfies and upload them to your story. I've gotten plenty of guys interested and in my D.M.'s by just a few photos that show off my fun side. Feeling good about yourself gives off nothing but good vibes and will have the guy lapping up your confidence, and confidence to a guy is like giving candy to a child – they love it and will always want more of it.

Knowing how to text a guy and sending the first text is something more women need to figure out. At times, it may seem like rocket science, but if you keep the conversation light and charming, and keep to a minimal texting sequence, you'll do just fine.

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